there is a difference of satisfaction when you ate like there was no tomorrow and the one when you felt too sophisticated after eating.
consistent in being too ambitious, i tried the mediterranean diet. basically, the diet is about having 9-10 servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
on sunday, the heavy winds and the strong out pour of rain brought about by the typhoon Juan could not stop me from going to landmark at the trinoma mall just to buy some vegetables. well, ice lettuce only.
so for four days now, i have been eating a lot of greens with fruits on the side. and honestly, i feel weird.
lesson learned: it is hard to be a goat. or a cow.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Barbaric
sa mga taong nagtatanong pero ayaw maniwala sa mga sinasabi ko, isang malaking SH*T para sa iyo.
ang kagalingan sa trabaho ay hindi nasusukat sa paraan ng pagsasalita o kung sa paano ka umasta.
kapag hindi masyadong magaling at ang pagpapanggap ay hindi kapani-paniwala, tumahimik na lamang.
ang kagalingan sa trabaho ay hindi nasusukat sa paraan ng pagsasalita o kung sa paano ka umasta.
kapag hindi masyadong magaling at ang pagpapanggap ay hindi kapani-paniwala, tumahimik na lamang.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Choices
was it because of my failed attempt to work in the u.k.? or my demeanor towards them?
things are beyond my control over that u.k. thing. the Lord knows how i wanted to work there. about my demeanor, i admit that i falter sometimes in controlling my temper. no, not my temper. my tendency that i think the world should run according to how i wanted it.
but i have been good these past few weeks.
so it is just sad that other people are able to look at your potential for success while those people you expected did not even see the possibility. moreover, their dejection is so obvious that the feeling of being useless is not hard to miss.
now i know why i am not thrilled about my work.
it is unfair for my work to harbor these toxic feelings. i am appreciated there. i get to meet new friends and even if the salary is low, i am thriving.
i choose to be positive. i choose happiness that can come from a contented heart. i choose faith. faith that can sustain me through all these storms. i choose freedom. freedom from all those unnecessary thoughts that dampen my spirit to live life to the fullest.
it is my choice now.
things are beyond my control over that u.k. thing. the Lord knows how i wanted to work there. about my demeanor, i admit that i falter sometimes in controlling my temper. no, not my temper. my tendency that i think the world should run according to how i wanted it.
but i have been good these past few weeks.
so it is just sad that other people are able to look at your potential for success while those people you expected did not even see the possibility. moreover, their dejection is so obvious that the feeling of being useless is not hard to miss.
now i know why i am not thrilled about my work.
it is unfair for my work to harbor these toxic feelings. i am appreciated there. i get to meet new friends and even if the salary is low, i am thriving.
i choose to be positive. i choose happiness that can come from a contented heart. i choose faith. faith that can sustain me through all these storms. i choose freedom. freedom from all those unnecessary thoughts that dampen my spirit to live life to the fullest.
it is my choice now.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Bitin
i am here at work.
but i could not start with my tasks right away as i had to stop and take it all in. did it really happen? or was it just a dream?
i have stopped counting how many times i have pinched myself to realize that yes, it happened.
it was true that i have finally met them- nam and rian.
after numerous calls and text messages, the stars have aligned for us to finally get together. i was nervous. it was like meeting your blind date and not a thing in your mind can deliver some sense of calmness. i was nervous but i did not know why.
was it nam's comedic timing that has to be translated into my archaic memory system in order for me to realize that rian has been bullied? or was it rian's effortless way of dismissing nam's banter that felt so normal like the sun's rising and setting?
truth is, the uneasiness was unnecessary. much more, a waste of positive energy.
the two are by far the kindest, sweetest and funniest people i have met online. well, they are my only online friends right now. it does not matter. what will i do with throngs of online friends who cannot understand me? or with people who cannot leave me gasping for more entertaining and enriching stories?
they are real people. honest. unpretentious. they blurt out things you don't expect them to say. they think loudly and their thoughts can transcend the borders of mild stupidity. they make you think. they dig into your soul and reach for that repressed compartment to bring it out in the open. their spirits are free that they belong to a different league of greatness.
you see, i have come to a point in my life that i always grab opportunities for meeting people. as i have said to the duo, i am trying to be more open to people.
and i am glad i did 'cause last night was so surreal that i had to drink three glasses of iced tea to convince myself that i am having dinner with them. i stopped talking during conversations to breathe in the air that validated that it was the same air that rian and nam breathed in. i took glances and inscribed them in my mental pad on how they look and how they talk. more importantly, how they are as a person.
i am ending this post now. just like how our night ended. it was short. fun. memorable. inspiring. that is how i like this post to be.
but i could not start with my tasks right away as i had to stop and take it all in. did it really happen? or was it just a dream?
i have stopped counting how many times i have pinched myself to realize that yes, it happened.
it was true that i have finally met them- nam and rian.
after numerous calls and text messages, the stars have aligned for us to finally get together. i was nervous. it was like meeting your blind date and not a thing in your mind can deliver some sense of calmness. i was nervous but i did not know why.
was it nam's comedic timing that has to be translated into my archaic memory system in order for me to realize that rian has been bullied? or was it rian's effortless way of dismissing nam's banter that felt so normal like the sun's rising and setting?
truth is, the uneasiness was unnecessary. much more, a waste of positive energy.
the two are by far the kindest, sweetest and funniest people i have met online. well, they are my only online friends right now. it does not matter. what will i do with throngs of online friends who cannot understand me? or with people who cannot leave me gasping for more entertaining and enriching stories?
they are real people. honest. unpretentious. they blurt out things you don't expect them to say. they think loudly and their thoughts can transcend the borders of mild stupidity. they make you think. they dig into your soul and reach for that repressed compartment to bring it out in the open. their spirits are free that they belong to a different league of greatness.
you see, i have come to a point in my life that i always grab opportunities for meeting people. as i have said to the duo, i am trying to be more open to people.
and i am glad i did 'cause last night was so surreal that i had to drink three glasses of iced tea to convince myself that i am having dinner with them. i stopped talking during conversations to breathe in the air that validated that it was the same air that rian and nam breathed in. i took glances and inscribed them in my mental pad on how they look and how they talk. more importantly, how they are as a person.
i am ending this post now. just like how our night ended. it was short. fun. memorable. inspiring. that is how i like this post to be.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Unsure
am i the only one unsure of the bright future that my new work brings?
well, my parents are included.
last saturday, i went to FEU to have my recommendation letter accomplished by my research adviser in college. it was for my application for master's degree. at first, i was hesitant since i told her before that i was leaving for u.k.
however, she was the only one who can get my recommendation letter done. i was never close with other faculty members.
in the end, i was thankful that i went to see her. she told me about her experiences and her struggles while starting as a newly-licensed nurse. and this: she was so happy and proud of my job!
to add, she even told me that my work has a lot of opportunities in the u.s. and that it is the current trend for hospitals.
so should i stay longer with my job? maybe.
well, my parents are included.
last saturday, i went to FEU to have my recommendation letter accomplished by my research adviser in college. it was for my application for master's degree. at first, i was hesitant since i told her before that i was leaving for u.k.
however, she was the only one who can get my recommendation letter done. i was never close with other faculty members.
in the end, i was thankful that i went to see her. she told me about her experiences and her struggles while starting as a newly-licensed nurse. and this: she was so happy and proud of my job!
to add, she even told me that my work has a lot of opportunities in the u.s. and that it is the current trend for hospitals.
so should i stay longer with my job? maybe.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Kenny Rogers
2006
bagyong milengyo. brownout at maulan. bukod pa dyan ang malakas na hangin na muntik nang maglipad sa bubong ng mga kapitbahay ni weng. sa bahay ako nun ni weng. dun ako nagcelebrate ng birthday. hindi ko makakalimutan dahil sa bagyo. oh well, madalas, may bagyo naman sa birthday ko kaya nga nung 7th birthday ko, walang party na naganap. pano ang baha e abot hanggang baywang noon.
ang handa ko e masarap na lucky me pancit canton at monay galing julie's bakery. basa pero meaningful. at least, hindi ako nag-iisa sa birthday. may bisita naman ako nun. si tin. haha. good times. bakit ba kasi pag september maulan.
2007
paalis si daddy papuntang uganda. busy dahil biglaan ang alis niya. sa sobrang biglaan, nakalimutan ng mga magulang ko na birthday ko pala. nagbiyahe kami papuntang airport. yun lang. nakakapagod. special pa rin naman dahil sobrang daming naganap sa taon na to. graduation. board exams.
ang handa ko e doughnut habang kumakain sa bus. hindi naman maulan sa taong ito. mainit pa nga.
2008
sa egypt na to. mag-iisang buwan sa ccu. ang eksena? toxic sa patient. dahil hindi pa marunong ng pamatay na diskarte, 630 pm na nakapaglunch. ang patient ay totoong napakadiwara. maangal at madaming kahilingan sa buhay.
bago ako bumaba para magbreak, nabigyan ako ng 100 pounds haha. regalo? siguro natunugan niya na birthday ko. pangkain din ito at panggrocery. habang mag-isa akong kumakain ng matabang na pasta at chicken fillet, tumabi sa upuan ang isang pinoy nurse. kinumusta ako at hindi ko naiwasan na ilabas ang sama ng loob at katoxican ko sa duty. at the end ng break, bumalik ako nang may ngiti sa labi kahit nagsimulang magdirawa ulit ang matandang pasyente.
walang handa sa bahay at walang celebration. bagsak agad sa kama sa sobrang pagod.
2009
maitim. payat. ito ang itsura ko pero sa totoo lang, masaya ako sa mga panahong ito. katatapos lang ng isang linggong paglalakbay sa egypt at pagbalik ko, apat na araw na lang at uuwi na ako ng pilipinas. hindi na ako babalik sa egypt.
walang pera dahil sa paglalakbay kaya't isang simpleng salu-salo na lang ang naisip ko. ang baked macaroni ni mark at lumpiang shanghai. yun lang. sama na rin despedida ko dito. pero ang mas masaya dito e yung celebration ko sa little buddha sa sharm el sheikh ng red sea. sa isang resto-bar kasama ang mga bagong kaibigan.
bagong kahulugan ng kasiyahan.
2010
nasa trabaho pero hindi kaharap ang makulit na pasyente. kasama ko ang mga bagong office mates. simple lang ang araw ko. walang magarbong selebrasyon. masaya dahil sa mga taong naka-alala at sa mga taong nagbigay panahon para bumati. naramadaman ko ang saya ng isang taong maraming nagmamahal. walang handa pero sagana sa pagmamahal.
thank You Lord!
bagyong milengyo. brownout at maulan. bukod pa dyan ang malakas na hangin na muntik nang maglipad sa bubong ng mga kapitbahay ni weng. sa bahay ako nun ni weng. dun ako nagcelebrate ng birthday. hindi ko makakalimutan dahil sa bagyo. oh well, madalas, may bagyo naman sa birthday ko kaya nga nung 7th birthday ko, walang party na naganap. pano ang baha e abot hanggang baywang noon.
ang handa ko e masarap na lucky me pancit canton at monay galing julie's bakery. basa pero meaningful. at least, hindi ako nag-iisa sa birthday. may bisita naman ako nun. si tin. haha. good times. bakit ba kasi pag september maulan.
2007
paalis si daddy papuntang uganda. busy dahil biglaan ang alis niya. sa sobrang biglaan, nakalimutan ng mga magulang ko na birthday ko pala. nagbiyahe kami papuntang airport. yun lang. nakakapagod. special pa rin naman dahil sobrang daming naganap sa taon na to. graduation. board exams.
ang handa ko e doughnut habang kumakain sa bus. hindi naman maulan sa taong ito. mainit pa nga.
2008
sa egypt na to. mag-iisang buwan sa ccu. ang eksena? toxic sa patient. dahil hindi pa marunong ng pamatay na diskarte, 630 pm na nakapaglunch. ang patient ay totoong napakadiwara. maangal at madaming kahilingan sa buhay.
bago ako bumaba para magbreak, nabigyan ako ng 100 pounds haha. regalo? siguro natunugan niya na birthday ko. pangkain din ito at panggrocery. habang mag-isa akong kumakain ng matabang na pasta at chicken fillet, tumabi sa upuan ang isang pinoy nurse. kinumusta ako at hindi ko naiwasan na ilabas ang sama ng loob at katoxican ko sa duty. at the end ng break, bumalik ako nang may ngiti sa labi kahit nagsimulang magdirawa ulit ang matandang pasyente.
walang handa sa bahay at walang celebration. bagsak agad sa kama sa sobrang pagod.
2009
maitim. payat. ito ang itsura ko pero sa totoo lang, masaya ako sa mga panahong ito. katatapos lang ng isang linggong paglalakbay sa egypt at pagbalik ko, apat na araw na lang at uuwi na ako ng pilipinas. hindi na ako babalik sa egypt.
walang pera dahil sa paglalakbay kaya't isang simpleng salu-salo na lang ang naisip ko. ang baked macaroni ni mark at lumpiang shanghai. yun lang. sama na rin despedida ko dito. pero ang mas masaya dito e yung celebration ko sa little buddha sa sharm el sheikh ng red sea. sa isang resto-bar kasama ang mga bagong kaibigan.
bagong kahulugan ng kasiyahan.
2010
nasa trabaho pero hindi kaharap ang makulit na pasyente. kasama ko ang mga bagong office mates. simple lang ang araw ko. walang magarbong selebrasyon. masaya dahil sa mga taong naka-alala at sa mga taong nagbigay panahon para bumati. naramadaman ko ang saya ng isang taong maraming nagmamahal. walang handa pero sagana sa pagmamahal.
thank You Lord!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Baka sa Susunod
bukas, birthday ko na.
hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari bukas. wala naman akong mga expectations o mga wish list ng material na bagay.
sa ngayon, ang gusto ko lang e makaraos kami. makatapos ang kambal. magkaroon ng mas magandang trabaho si ate at kung papalarin sa edad niya, pati na ang aking ama. idagdag pa ang magandan kalusugan at kaligtasan para sa lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay.
kung walang regalo, ok lang. kung meron, mas ok. dumating na ako sa punto ng buhay ko na alam kung ano ang mas importante. kung ano ang mas makakapagpasaya. ang mga kaibigan. mga TV series na sinusubaybayan ko. mga pagkaing masarap. pagkakataong makatulog nang mas matagal.
nung hulyo, ang tanging gusto ko lamang ay magkatrabaho bago sumapit ang aking kaarawan. natupad naman iyon.
kaya nung tanungin ako ng aking boss ngayon kung ano ang gusto ko, hindi ako makasagot. sinabi ko na lamang na wala. nagulat ang lahat. madalang lang daw magtanong ang aming boss kaya bakit ko daw pinakawalan ang pagkakataon.
sa loob ko, hindi pa ito ang takdang panahon. darating din ako sa pagkakataon na hihingin ko ang kalayaan sa departamentong ito at lilipat na sa nursing.
baka sa susunod na birthday.
hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari bukas. wala naman akong mga expectations o mga wish list ng material na bagay.
sa ngayon, ang gusto ko lang e makaraos kami. makatapos ang kambal. magkaroon ng mas magandang trabaho si ate at kung papalarin sa edad niya, pati na ang aking ama. idagdag pa ang magandan kalusugan at kaligtasan para sa lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay.
kung walang regalo, ok lang. kung meron, mas ok. dumating na ako sa punto ng buhay ko na alam kung ano ang mas importante. kung ano ang mas makakapagpasaya. ang mga kaibigan. mga TV series na sinusubaybayan ko. mga pagkaing masarap. pagkakataong makatulog nang mas matagal.
nung hulyo, ang tanging gusto ko lamang ay magkatrabaho bago sumapit ang aking kaarawan. natupad naman iyon.
kaya nung tanungin ako ng aking boss ngayon kung ano ang gusto ko, hindi ako makasagot. sinabi ko na lamang na wala. nagulat ang lahat. madalang lang daw magtanong ang aming boss kaya bakit ko daw pinakawalan ang pagkakataon.
sa loob ko, hindi pa ito ang takdang panahon. darating din ako sa pagkakataon na hihingin ko ang kalayaan sa departamentong ito at lilipat na sa nursing.
baka sa susunod na birthday.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Alaala ng Isang Pagtatapos
sa araw na ito, nagtapos ang lahat...ang katapusan ng isang taon na pamamalagi sa Egypt.
ang tahanan ng mga pyramids...
ang pagtatrabaho sa isang napakachallenging na hospital...
ang pagkain ng big meal tuwing day shift...
ang pagdamay ng mga taong nagpapagaan ng duty...ate emma, shiela, doctor shamy, mohammad (na nurse at porter), hanan at safaa...
ang pagkakaroon ng bagong pamilya at kaibigan...
ang pagsama ng mga kaibigan sa galaan kahit sa tuktok ng Mt. Sinai...
o kahit mag-isa lang sa mga paglalakbay...
basta sa pagdiriwang ng aking kaarawan ay hindi nag-iisa...
salamat Egypt. utang ko ang mga karanasan sa buhay na nagpapatibay sa akin. ang mga kaibigan na nagpapa-alala na laging may kamay na aalalay sa iyo sa hirap man o ginhawa. sa mga napakagandang tanawin na nagsasabing ang lahat ay kayang marating ng isang taong naniniwala.
sa araw na ito, ang buhay ko ay nagsisimula ulit...
ang tahanan ng mga pyramids...
ang pagtatrabaho sa isang napakachallenging na hospital...
ang pagkain ng big meal tuwing day shift...
ang pagdamay ng mga taong nagpapagaan ng duty...ate emma, shiela, doctor shamy, mohammad (na nurse at porter), hanan at safaa...
ang pagkakaroon ng bagong pamilya at kaibigan...
ang pagsama ng mga kaibigan sa galaan kahit sa tuktok ng Mt. Sinai...
o kahit mag-isa lang sa mga paglalakbay...
basta sa pagdiriwang ng aking kaarawan ay hindi nag-iisa...
salamat Egypt. utang ko ang mga karanasan sa buhay na nagpapatibay sa akin. ang mga kaibigan na nagpapa-alala na laging may kamay na aalalay sa iyo sa hirap man o ginhawa. sa mga napakagandang tanawin na nagsasabing ang lahat ay kayang marating ng isang taong naniniwala.
sa araw na ito, ang buhay ko ay nagsisimula ulit...
Baligtad
nag-usap kami ni sheng.
ano nga ba ang mararamdaman mo kapag narinig mo ang iyong ama na inahahabilin na kayong magkakapatid sa kanyang kapatid at mga kaibigan? na bukas o sa makalawa, maari na siyang mamahinga nang lubusan?
wala akong naisagot kay sheng. isang matagal na pananahimik habang pinipilit na pagaanin ang sitwasyon ang aking tugon.
ang mga tanong lang ang pumuno sa blangko kong isipan. mas nanaisin mo bang mamahinga na ang iyong ama? kahit alam mong siya na lang ang iyong natitirang magulang? araw- araw, nakikita mo siyang nakaratay. nakikibuno sa sakit na biglaang dumapo habang pinipilit na maging matatag laban sa pangungulila sa asawang kelan lang namayapa.
e ang maging ulila? kaya mo ba?
kayong magkakapatid na lamang ang matitirang haharap sa mga darating pang umaga. kapag may mga tanong ka na ang tanging makakasagot lang ay ang dunong na dulot ng edad, san ka huhugot ng sagot?
sa tuwing mag-uusap kami ni sheng, parang ako ang tinutulungan niya. imbes na siya. siguro, ito ang paraan ng Diyos para matahimik ako sa mga kalungkutan ko na nag-uugat sa mga bagay bagay sa paligid. sa pamilya. sa trabaho. laging nababaligtad ang aking pananaw kapag nag-uusap kami.
minsan ata, dapat baligtad na lang ang mundo ko.
ano nga ba ang mararamdaman mo kapag narinig mo ang iyong ama na inahahabilin na kayong magkakapatid sa kanyang kapatid at mga kaibigan? na bukas o sa makalawa, maari na siyang mamahinga nang lubusan?
wala akong naisagot kay sheng. isang matagal na pananahimik habang pinipilit na pagaanin ang sitwasyon ang aking tugon.
ang mga tanong lang ang pumuno sa blangko kong isipan. mas nanaisin mo bang mamahinga na ang iyong ama? kahit alam mong siya na lang ang iyong natitirang magulang? araw- araw, nakikita mo siyang nakaratay. nakikibuno sa sakit na biglaang dumapo habang pinipilit na maging matatag laban sa pangungulila sa asawang kelan lang namayapa.
e ang maging ulila? kaya mo ba?
kayong magkakapatid na lamang ang matitirang haharap sa mga darating pang umaga. kapag may mga tanong ka na ang tanging makakasagot lang ay ang dunong na dulot ng edad, san ka huhugot ng sagot?
sa tuwing mag-uusap kami ni sheng, parang ako ang tinutulungan niya. imbes na siya. siguro, ito ang paraan ng Diyos para matahimik ako sa mga kalungkutan ko na nag-uugat sa mga bagay bagay sa paligid. sa pamilya. sa trabaho. laging nababaligtad ang aking pananaw kapag nag-uusap kami.
minsan ata, dapat baligtad na lang ang mundo ko.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Mata
my dad was persistent. he told me to talk to my cousin. said she wanted to give me some words. some warnings.
i was never really interested to hear her. she is my cousin and the idea of her knowing my inner thoughts or my future is freaky. besides, we were really not close.
but dad called me while i was busy with my report. it was weird because we never really talk about serious stuff. all the things that my cousin told him, he shared it with me. proud. perfectionist. that is how i am he said and from their observation, it is true that i am like that picture of a hard to please person.
i listened. never bothered to defend myself. it is out in the open. what more can i say? might as well give acceptance a chance. and from that sales talk, i finally obliged to communicate with my cousin.
the chat was uplifting. focusing on life's experiences. it was good. just good.
i will stop it from here. i have to hold on to my own beliefs and judgment. i hope my parents will do the same. she may see the future or the situation from a different side but i believe God controls everything.
He sees everything. He sees our financial troubles. my constant senseless thoughts regarding my career path. my insecurities. my inadequacies. His eyes are on me...
i was never really interested to hear her. she is my cousin and the idea of her knowing my inner thoughts or my future is freaky. besides, we were really not close.
but dad called me while i was busy with my report. it was weird because we never really talk about serious stuff. all the things that my cousin told him, he shared it with me. proud. perfectionist. that is how i am he said and from their observation, it is true that i am like that picture of a hard to please person.
i listened. never bothered to defend myself. it is out in the open. what more can i say? might as well give acceptance a chance. and from that sales talk, i finally obliged to communicate with my cousin.
the chat was uplifting. focusing on life's experiences. it was good. just good.
i will stop it from here. i have to hold on to my own beliefs and judgment. i hope my parents will do the same. she may see the future or the situation from a different side but i believe God controls everything.
He sees everything. He sees our financial troubles. my constant senseless thoughts regarding my career path. my insecurities. my inadequacies. His eyes are on me...
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