In the Middle

in the middle of harsh temperatures, lack of good soil and too much sun, this flower caught my attention while going down from the peak of mt. sinai.

i was reminded that i can still grow.  i can still be alive.  even when the circumstances around me tell me otherwise.

Critical Low

most of the days, my mind is just floating.  then, i get to work and force myself to change into nursing mode.  after that, balik na naman sa dati- internet addict, constant procrastinator and forever dreamer.  when combined, i accomplish nothing and i always end up asking myself kung ano na nangyari sa buhay ko.

i am always reminded of the realization that i had in the past- when things are going great, complacency sets in.  it is this battle that i have struggled for the longest time.  case in point, my masters.  when i started, i was still at the office and to compensate for not being a "true" nurse, i enrolled for my masters degree.  i was great back then.  now as a bedside nurse, i could not care less for the pending requirements that i have.  i feel like a wasted a lot of effort and money.

then, there is this pursuit to relearn all things that i have been doing in the past.  the drive is there but the discipline to read and to research seems to be in a stagnant critical low level.  hence, the constant posting of motivational messages.

hope it works.

Moving Up

my current anthem.

after more than a week at the intensive unit, i feel like a lost soul trying to find my way to heaven.  four years is way too long for me to be able to activate that nurse in me who took pleasure in caring for critically ill patients.

but, i am learning. again.

Try

trying to be a good son as well...

Mid

much as i would want to posts as often as i can, there is something in me that stops me from doing all the things that i should do. so i am making this post talk about june...

missing former colleagues. meeting new friends. candy gives birth. secret tagaytay outing. buffet at yakimix with isabel. kit's homecoming. rainy days. daddy's birthday.

My Rules

from theberry.com

To Do

to do list:
1. not give a f**k
2. that is all

Besties

i just miss them...i just miss us...

They Never Change

Burning

hi.

i looked back at the posts i made this year and it seemed that little by little, my blogging interest has dwindled down. no, i am not in love with someone else nor i am enjoying work. i just feel lost and that i do not know where to start or how to start to get back on track. well, i think i might have just flunked one subject for not completing the requirements while i am still in danger for another three more courses. tsk tsk tsk.

weight is up and so my voracious appetite. is it stress? probably. is it work? partly. work which somehow consumes 80% percent of my days for the week has somehow become me. i have become what i work for. in the process of making a living, i lost myself and now, i am in downward spiral of binge eating, self-loathing of unfinished tasks but in a weakening resolve to change.

i think i am drowning- in fear, in laziness and in aimless efforts to better my life. friends? they seem to have lost me. or is it the other way around? my original nursing unit is now in danger of becoming a memory. and that, all ties that bound the staff are starting to weaken.

my hope is still burning. and it will continue to burn. for now, i will try to uplift this bothered soul by pictures of life and love.