28th on the 28th

happy birthday to me! yay!

well, i could call this day as the most boring birthday celebration ever. boring in the sense that i just stayed home and slept for most of the day. no big celebration and no drinking session. but hey, i was able to have dinner with my family so i can cross out that wish on my list.

today, i decided that i need to have a tradition. something that i will have to do each birthday. so now, i am making my life list for 2013-2014.

1. learn how to swim
2. pass the ielts
3. save!
4. travel to 3 new places
5. reach ideal body weight and maintain it thereafter
6. be an expert in ecg reading
7. celebrate my birthday in a different country
8. and the most difficult to achieve, meet my life partner.

goodluck to number 8. there you go, year 28!

Birthday Wish List

1. dinner with the family
2. full body massage
3. travel to a new place even for just a day
4. swimming lessons
5. portable external hard drive
6. haircut
7. new shoes for work
8. brown boat shoes
9. turtle pie of conti's
10.headset

Getting Old

few days from now, i am turning a year older. believe it or not, minsan, nalilito pa rin ako kung ilang taon na ako. 27 or 28 na nga ba? basta. minsan, i have to subtract the year that i was born to 2013. i feel like i stopped giving attention to my age but when my birth date is few days away, i get nostalgic and begin to feel old.

old kasi malapit na akong magthirty and in truth, i feel like i have not reached anything. yet.

well, that could stem from my point of reference. kung icocompare ko ang career path ko towards my friends na hindi naman nurse, madidisappoint talaga ako. or ang personal life ko naman sa mga nagpakasal, nagpapakasal, nagkaanak at magkaanak, i just have to think of my salary and okay na ang lahat. may justification na ako.

three things: ang aking AWOL na sa tantya ko ay magdudulot ng repeating the course sa aking master's degree, ang aking failed effort para maging fit at ang makahanap ng partner sa buhay. mga bagay na kumukurot sa puso ko.

sh*t, ang drama ko lang. pero sige. dahil malapit na nga ang birthday kaya siguro nagiging melodramatic ako.

bilang napagdesisyunan ko dati na babaguhin ko ang aking pananaw sa buhay, i have to be positive. kailangang magpasalamat sa kung anong meron ako.

i have to admit, mas na-appreciate ko ang family ko ngayon. same with my health and my work. these are true signs na tumatanda na ako but i am loving it.

kahit wala akong pera sa birthday, sige lang. i know my birthday next year will be better and bigger than ever.

Short

it was the first time. and i think, i will never forget it.

it started with my mouse playing on me. then the browser just went apathetic and finally, my laptop would not open anymore. the date was 26 and that would mean running very low on cash. but still, i had to make my laptop work. i was waiting for an important email.

greenhills saved me but it came with a price of 600 pesos. goodbye swimming lessons! goodbye travel plans. to think, i politely rejected the offer of my aunt to buy me a new laptop.

calculating my steps and well, the remaining money, my laptop was revived. aimlessly, i bought some stuff to keep me until the next pay day when it happened. upon paying at the counter, i realized that i was short on money and i had to cancel some stuff!

was i embarrassed? probably a bit but it definitely made a mark on me- that i should save and take care of the things that i have.

gotta have some discipline.

Adjusting

suddenly missed the people i worked with in egypt- ate emma, shiela and mark. makes me think back of the coping methods i used to be able to adjust in a new environment.

i don't want to question my decision. i just want to make it work.

Fin

i feel like i should mourn.

after the announcement of its end, the times that i was enjoying reading his stuff suddenly came into my mind. how he worships beyonce, how he loves pizza or how adores his nephew.

he does not know me but i know him from reading his blog. i was even too shy to comment for several posts that made me laugh out loud.

i wish you the best. thank you house of diarrhea.

Not Affected

Dear Charlton E.

Everyone at _______ Recruitment sends their greetings. We know you are doing really well at St Georges, and we are delighted we helped you to achieve your dream.

We are urgently looking for Nurses with NMC DECISION LETTERS or waiting for their decision as we have a hospital that wants to move very quickly to recruit.

If you know of anyone with a PIN or an NMC decision letter please ask them to contact me urgently.

Also if you know anyone in a Nursing home that is looking to work for the NHS I would be interested in hearing from them too.

Please spread the word as I know you are all fantastic when it comes to networking.

God Bless.


today, i received this email. i mean, seriously?

nang-aasar ba sila? but then, i know better. i have moved on and my life, though not perfect, has a lot to be thankful for.

there are no more what ifs and regrets. only of thoughts and dreams to fulfill.

Something Exciting

after working for straight 16 hours then another 8 hours for a night shift, i am finally on a rest day. actually, two rest days! technically, the first day was spent on sleeping and deciding whether to go home in the province or to wait for the unit to call me for work.

with a leap of faith, i went home only to be bothered by a text clarifying my schedule. i almost peed my pants when i did not know what to do for a minute or two. should i go home or not?

so here i am, being lazy again at the comfort of my "real" room in the province after satisfying my self from a nice breakfast with the family.

i wish i could do this everyday. however, this is not reality.

often, i sleep on the floor with my very old mattress in manila since the bed provided by the owner of the house cannot support my weight. in this way, my back is more stable and i get to move a lot around the floor.

then, there is this dust. and smoke. my room faces the road of which glorious vehicles honk mindlessly as i try to regain what was left of my humanity. few years ago, i gave up on sweeping and wiping the floor everyday since by late in the afternoon, the dust will then be there again.

i know it does not sound so healthy. and clean. but i love it and it has been my home for nearly three years now.

so when i come home in the province, i feel like a king. this and the dream of making it big as i indulge myself of pictures of everything beautiful and nice keep me going. even trying to live with a housemate who cannot properly dispose off her soiled sanitary napkin.

august marks the period where i can just count six months from my contract with current work then i am free to work overseas. it excites me and it makes me smile knowing that my hardship from living with a small salary is nearing its end. plus the not-so-clean room which ironically, i have come to love.

but then, my current lateral transfer to the intensive unit makes my heart divided. the thrill of learning and re-learning things make me appreciate more my profession but the desire to live in a more comfortable level seems to be irresistible.

whatever. i should be reminded again to live and think of the hear and now as ms. janice reminded me before.

at least, something exciting is happening.

Makeover

off on a saturday night. sounds fun? but no. am duty tomorrow, for the second time. pero sige, if i have to do this, then ok. i will have to endure it.

last night was tiring. intubated nga pero every ten minutes e tawag nang tawag. nakakapagod at nakakapanibago dahil sa hindi pa sanay sa mga routine. funny how few years ago, nagagawa ko pang magtea break habang may hawak akong patient na sobrang critical at isa pang madaming orders.

things change and in effect talaga ang law of disuse.

but please, i need an attitude makeover. stat!

Same Love

"And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

And I can't change

Even if I try

Even if I wanted to"