define langaw.
it is when two of your close friends are bombarded with admirers and no one seems to notice you.
ganito kasi yan, benj and love are two of the people i get to be with most of the time. si benj, via internet and si love, sa aming mga weekly meetings sa victory. isang pinaka-sure sign ata na nilalangaw ka ay ang pagigng good listener.
pano naman, wala kang maikuwento tungkol sa mga admirers mo o kaya ng updates ng iyong crush. malamang sa malamang, makikinig ka lang talaga.
benj never appreciated his complexion. nor his expressive eyes. sa bansang hibang sa kaputian, his exotic looks rarely got the rave. pero little did i know na sagana siya sa mga taga-hanga.
nang magpunta siya ng singapore, i never felt that he left. almost everyday, magkachat kami. mas naging matibay ata communication namin. from this, i have heard his countless stories of hook ups which confirmed na mabenta ang kanyang exotic beauty. translation: katutubong dating.
now, seryoso na daw siya. because he is taken!
moving on, si love naman ang babaeng hindi nababakante ng admirers. sa bus, check. sa bar, check. sa school, check. she has charisma. may nagsabi nga na her name really suits her-lovely.
madalas, i give her advices tungkol sa pag-ibig dahil sabi nga ng aking propesor sa philosophy of man, ang tanging matinong advice sa pag-ibig ay manggagaling lang sa taong hindi in love. ako na ang taong ito. ako na ang magaling mag-advice.
how chariz solomon is to marian rivera, sheena halili to rhian ramos or eugene domingo to ai ai delas alas, ganun na lang din ata ako. supporting. taga-payo. taga-pakinig.
it is not that i am complaining. pwede naman sigurong maiba lang. wag yung nilalangaw sa tabi.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Pananalig
tomorrow, it will be the first day of july. and so the year is fast approaching its end while i am slowly picking up myself.
tatlong araw na akong subsob sa report na ginagawa ko. i feel like walking the sahara dessert. endless. tiring. in these moments, pinipilit kong pinapagaan ang bawat sandali sa office.
so congratulate me once and for all dahil si botcha girl ay nagkaroon ng silbi. sa kanyang "uniqueness", nakatagpo ako ng source of happiness at laughter.
ang mga out-of-this-world comments niya at mga thought-provoking choice of words keep me sane. tulad na lang ng pag-iimbestiga niya sa mga makasalanang relasyon ng isang magboss sa isang department. pati ang mga "indulgent" patients na nangangailangan ng financial assistance. pwede na rin ang pagkaskas ng asin sa talampakan ng anak para mawala ang lagnat.
in an instant, nag-iiba ang aura ko. light. bubbly. endearing. all because of botcha girl. i now endure the work environment. tanggal ang animosity.
bukas, i will finish my report na. para makapag-aral na sa school at makapagblog ulit. nagsusuffer na sila...
in botcha girl i trust.
tatlong araw na akong subsob sa report na ginagawa ko. i feel like walking the sahara dessert. endless. tiring. in these moments, pinipilit kong pinapagaan ang bawat sandali sa office.
so congratulate me once and for all dahil si botcha girl ay nagkaroon ng silbi. sa kanyang "uniqueness", nakatagpo ako ng source of happiness at laughter.
ang mga out-of-this-world comments niya at mga thought-provoking choice of words keep me sane. tulad na lang ng pag-iimbestiga niya sa mga makasalanang relasyon ng isang magboss sa isang department. pati ang mga "indulgent" patients na nangangailangan ng financial assistance. pwede na rin ang pagkaskas ng asin sa talampakan ng anak para mawala ang lagnat.
in an instant, nag-iiba ang aura ko. light. bubbly. endearing. all because of botcha girl. i now endure the work environment. tanggal ang animosity.
bukas, i will finish my report na. para makapag-aral na sa school at makapagblog ulit. nagsusuffer na sila...
in botcha girl i trust.
Friday, June 24, 2011
My Future
for weeks, i have procrastinated the task of checking my file to check my chances for applying to the bridging program in australia.
the ever unsatisfied soul searches for something new. his desires are always checked by his goal. now, he has to make a decision.
after presenting the results of the first ever audit on the medical services, i felt exhausted. but my mind kept on thinking. what if?
the chief nurse commented on my healthy adjustment to my department. she further asked me if i have no more desire to work as a bedside. next thing i know, my heart talked.
why then am i not applying she asked. they were currently in need of nurses. but then we both knew from that moment what the answer is. my boss.
he will not let me go.
shall i apply now and banish my connection with my boss who is also a friend of the chief nurse but a close friend of the vice president for human resources?
one thing has been popping in my mind: it is your future. i hope i am getting it right.
the ever unsatisfied soul searches for something new. his desires are always checked by his goal. now, he has to make a decision.
after presenting the results of the first ever audit on the medical services, i felt exhausted. but my mind kept on thinking. what if?
the chief nurse commented on my healthy adjustment to my department. she further asked me if i have no more desire to work as a bedside. next thing i know, my heart talked.
why then am i not applying she asked. they were currently in need of nurses. but then we both knew from that moment what the answer is. my boss.
he will not let me go.
shall i apply now and banish my connection with my boss who is also a friend of the chief nurse but a close friend of the vice president for human resources?
one thing has been popping in my mind: it is your future. i hope i am getting it right.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Cheesy
as usual, isang simpleng happy fathers' day ang aking bungad pagkagising kanina.
sa buong buhay ko, i cannot recall an incident na sinabihan ko ang daddy ko or ang aking ina ng i love you. not that i am proud of it but it is just that this is our nature at home.
walang amor. walang cheesy.
and it is not that i do not want to because God knows how i longed for an open and affectionate relationship with my parents. the problem is, hindi ganon ang nature nila.
right now, dad is processing his papers para makapunta ng new caledonia. sa recent work niya sa haiti, they have used a new technology na parang siya ang magiging "in" sa parating na panahon. dahil dito, it opened a lot of opportunities for dad.
including two chances to work and bring us sa australia. as in sa the land down under na pinaka-aasam ko.
kaso nga, nakapirma na siya for new caledonia at hindi na makapag back out. so nakukuntento nalang kami sa pagsasabing ang project na iyon sa australia ay maliit lamang at may inaasahan pa silang mas malaking proyekto.
o kaya ay hindi pa time.
somehow, i want to curse timing for i have always had that look of a salivating dog over a meal that is not supposed to be eaten at the moment.
f*ck it sabi nga ni chris sa season 1 ng skins. and sometimes i want to say this over and over for the times that my dad never thought of migrating to other countries when he was younger and opportunities were many.
or for not teaching me basketball. the guitar. and for the math problems that led me to cheat for frustration of not being able to solve them.
or for not teaching me how to drive. drink and be good buddies. or how to court a girl for f*ck's sake.
hindi lang siguro ganun ang dad ko and i am ok with it. madaming mga "sayang" na moments pero marami rin namang "buti na lang" events.
two weeks ko nang kinukuha ang bp ni dad. 130/90 lagi. tumaas na mula sa kanyang 120/80 nung 2008 ata. little by little, pumapasok sa isip ko ang pagkakataon na magkakasakit sila. pag nangyayari yun, napapailing ako kasi tinitignan ko ang sarili ko at hindi ako handa financially sa mga ganung eksena.
i can't even give in to my wants and i feel like the doors are closing on me. for that, i think of my dad. his calmness and resolved outlook has always amazed me.
words may mean a lot but his actions will do for now. actually, they are what i needed.
dad, happy fathers' day and i will say it here, i love you.
sa buong buhay ko, i cannot recall an incident na sinabihan ko ang daddy ko or ang aking ina ng i love you. not that i am proud of it but it is just that this is our nature at home.
walang amor. walang cheesy.
and it is not that i do not want to because God knows how i longed for an open and affectionate relationship with my parents. the problem is, hindi ganon ang nature nila.
right now, dad is processing his papers para makapunta ng new caledonia. sa recent work niya sa haiti, they have used a new technology na parang siya ang magiging "in" sa parating na panahon. dahil dito, it opened a lot of opportunities for dad.
including two chances to work and bring us sa australia. as in sa the land down under na pinaka-aasam ko.
kaso nga, nakapirma na siya for new caledonia at hindi na makapag back out. so nakukuntento nalang kami sa pagsasabing ang project na iyon sa australia ay maliit lamang at may inaasahan pa silang mas malaking proyekto.
o kaya ay hindi pa time.
somehow, i want to curse timing for i have always had that look of a salivating dog over a meal that is not supposed to be eaten at the moment.
f*ck it sabi nga ni chris sa season 1 ng skins. and sometimes i want to say this over and over for the times that my dad never thought of migrating to other countries when he was younger and opportunities were many.
or for not teaching me basketball. the guitar. and for the math problems that led me to cheat for frustration of not being able to solve them.
or for not teaching me how to drive. drink and be good buddies. or how to court a girl for f*ck's sake.
hindi lang siguro ganun ang dad ko and i am ok with it. madaming mga "sayang" na moments pero marami rin namang "buti na lang" events.
two weeks ko nang kinukuha ang bp ni dad. 130/90 lagi. tumaas na mula sa kanyang 120/80 nung 2008 ata. little by little, pumapasok sa isip ko ang pagkakataon na magkakasakit sila. pag nangyayari yun, napapailing ako kasi tinitignan ko ang sarili ko at hindi ako handa financially sa mga ganung eksena.
i can't even give in to my wants and i feel like the doors are closing on me. for that, i think of my dad. his calmness and resolved outlook has always amazed me.
words may mean a lot but his actions will do for now. actually, they are what i needed.
dad, happy fathers' day and i will say it here, i love you.
Tissue
malapit ko ng maubos ang isang rolyo ng tissue mula sa tagas ng aking ilong. welcome to my great long weekend for 2011!
friday. mga 10:00 pm. sinalubong ako agad ng mga latest chismis sa bahay. partikular na ang bangayan ng aking ina sa kanyang mga kapatid na nag-ugat mula sa paniningil ng utang ng isang tiya sa aking ina. maganda naman ang credit history namin kaso nga lang, kinailangan lang maningil dahil sa mga gastusin sa pagpapagawa ng bahay ng aking lola.
enter the dragon. mali, enter ang mga kapatid kong may malasakit sa amin-ang kambal. hanggang ngayon, malabo pa rin sa akin kung pano humantong sa pagsasabi ng aking tiyahin na nasa london na binigyan niya ng pera ang aking kapatid ng 7k para pambili ng cellphone.
nagwala ang aking ina. kasi naman, ang mga kapatid kong ito e hindi naghahanap ng trabaho sa manila sa pag-aakalang walang pamasaheng naibibigay ang aking mga magulang. ok lang na bigyan ng pera pero sana hindi nila irereserba yun pambili ng bagong cellphone.
siye*t sila. kasi ako ang cellphone ko yung may flashlight pa pero hindi ko pinapalitan kahit may trabaho ako. sila naku, maayos pa ang mga camera phones nila pero nag-iisip ng palitan ito. wala sa akin kahit ang kasambahay namin ay may camera phone din.
sana man lang maghanap muna sila ng trabaho ng hindi dumaing nang dumaing ang nanay ko. kakastress lang. kaya tuloy naghanap ako ng button para lamunin ng lupa at makatakas sa mga awkward moments. ako rin kasi, binibigyan ng mga tiyahin ko ng pera lalo na at nag-aaral ulit ako. ipunin ko daw kaso itong mama ko ay umandar ang pride.
kaya sana lang, maka-alis na daddy ko (happy fathers' day nga pala). tapos, maghanap na rin ng trabaho mga kapatid ko. though wala akong problema sa pagbebedspace kung sakaling umalis kami sa tinutuluyan ngayon, ayoko lang yung maglilipat. kakapagod kasi.
sa ngayon, hindi nag-eexist sa aking paningin ang kambal. naasar lang kasi ako. rebellious much. hindi naman ako ganito dati. tsaka parang walang pangarap sa buhay.
anyhow, tatahimik nalang ako at baka makain ko ang sipon ko kung dumada nang dumada.
friday. mga 10:00 pm. sinalubong ako agad ng mga latest chismis sa bahay. partikular na ang bangayan ng aking ina sa kanyang mga kapatid na nag-ugat mula sa paniningil ng utang ng isang tiya sa aking ina. maganda naman ang credit history namin kaso nga lang, kinailangan lang maningil dahil sa mga gastusin sa pagpapagawa ng bahay ng aking lola.
enter the dragon. mali, enter ang mga kapatid kong may malasakit sa amin-ang kambal. hanggang ngayon, malabo pa rin sa akin kung pano humantong sa pagsasabi ng aking tiyahin na nasa london na binigyan niya ng pera ang aking kapatid ng 7k para pambili ng cellphone.
nagwala ang aking ina. kasi naman, ang mga kapatid kong ito e hindi naghahanap ng trabaho sa manila sa pag-aakalang walang pamasaheng naibibigay ang aking mga magulang. ok lang na bigyan ng pera pero sana hindi nila irereserba yun pambili ng bagong cellphone.
siye*t sila. kasi ako ang cellphone ko yung may flashlight pa pero hindi ko pinapalitan kahit may trabaho ako. sila naku, maayos pa ang mga camera phones nila pero nag-iisip ng palitan ito. wala sa akin kahit ang kasambahay namin ay may camera phone din.
sana man lang maghanap muna sila ng trabaho ng hindi dumaing nang dumaing ang nanay ko. kakastress lang. kaya tuloy naghanap ako ng button para lamunin ng lupa at makatakas sa mga awkward moments. ako rin kasi, binibigyan ng mga tiyahin ko ng pera lalo na at nag-aaral ulit ako. ipunin ko daw kaso itong mama ko ay umandar ang pride.
kaya sana lang, maka-alis na daddy ko (happy fathers' day nga pala). tapos, maghanap na rin ng trabaho mga kapatid ko. though wala akong problema sa pagbebedspace kung sakaling umalis kami sa tinutuluyan ngayon, ayoko lang yung maglilipat. kakapagod kasi.
sa ngayon, hindi nag-eexist sa aking paningin ang kambal. naasar lang kasi ako. rebellious much. hindi naman ako ganito dati. tsaka parang walang pangarap sa buhay.
anyhow, tatahimik nalang ako at baka makain ko ang sipon ko kung dumada nang dumada.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Virtual Bitching
i am gonna show the real me now by bitching over my virtual classmates.
school started and somehow, i am feeling the pressure of trying to learn as much as i can within my time management. since classes are held online, my classmates are also by virtue of cyberspace.
but, i am not spared of the usual annoyance and irritation that you can experience with classmates who are know-it-all and act like we are in high school. so whoever told that i am done with these things, you are definitely wrong...
consider the conversation below:
i kinda disliked it because i am not gonna write something on our own wiki if i am not done reading. and if you find me not contributing and too slow, well my dear friends, i am following the timeline i have set for myself. i am not gonna be f*cking following your demands.
kaasar lang. nagmamagaling ang karamihan sa mga kaklase ko. i know the need to strike an impression but hey, we are doing our masters and a little formality and class won't hurt.
sige lang. i could understand you kung magdemand kayo but even in online study sessions, you could not even follow the outline for the flow of the conversation.
hay.
good choice charlton for choosing u.p. at least, i won't have to deal with these kinds of people every saturday.
school started and somehow, i am feeling the pressure of trying to learn as much as i can within my time management. since classes are held online, my classmates are also by virtue of cyberspace.
but, i am not spared of the usual annoyance and irritation that you can experience with classmates who are know-it-all and act like we are in high school. so whoever told that i am done with these things, you are definitely wrong...
consider the conversation below:
i kinda disliked it because i am not gonna write something on our own wiki if i am not done reading. and if you find me not contributing and too slow, well my dear friends, i am following the timeline i have set for myself. i am not gonna be f*cking following your demands.
kaasar lang. nagmamagaling ang karamihan sa mga kaklase ko. i know the need to strike an impression but hey, we are doing our masters and a little formality and class won't hurt.
sige lang. i could understand you kung magdemand kayo but even in online study sessions, you could not even follow the outline for the flow of the conversation.
hay.
good choice charlton for choosing u.p. at least, i won't have to deal with these kinds of people every saturday.
Torn
i went home yesterday bruised and my pants torn on the front at the knee part. shoot, i cannot wear these pants anymore.
walking home mildly hurt, i could not shout in anger as my throat itches in preparation for an incoming common colds. if i was only more alert, i could have avoided the "kuligligs" bumping into me.
i just walked away and tried to walk as fast as i can so people won't notice the torn pants that i was wearing.
i was calm. i was relaxed. this is the patient me conducting the affairs of my life.
i thought, my life could not get worse than this. i'm still complete. others may have their clothes intact but do not go home safe. some do not even get to arrive at their homes at all.
my pants may have been useless now but at least, i have a spare and i am not walking naked.
i am gonna stop now before i cry in thankfulness and self-destruct for trying to be a positive me.
*photo taken here.
walking home mildly hurt, i could not shout in anger as my throat itches in preparation for an incoming common colds. if i was only more alert, i could have avoided the "kuligligs" bumping into me.
i just walked away and tried to walk as fast as i can so people won't notice the torn pants that i was wearing.
i was calm. i was relaxed. this is the patient me conducting the affairs of my life.
i thought, my life could not get worse than this. i'm still complete. others may have their clothes intact but do not go home safe. some do not even get to arrive at their homes at all.
my pants may have been useless now but at least, i have a spare and i am not walking naked.
i am gonna stop now before i cry in thankfulness and self-destruct for trying to be a positive me.
*photo taken here.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Timing
hayee!
im back blogging while on break sa work. buti na lang nakatulog ang i.t. at heto, nakakapagblog ulit.
i went home last friday with a different mood. si mother ay medyo bubbly dahil si daddy ay mukhang matutuloy na sa ne caledonia.
pero heto ang catch.
natanggap din si daddy sa australia na siyang pinakamimithing destinasyon naming lahat sa pamilya. ang problema lang, comitted na si daddy sa new caledonia. ang mahirap, pupuwede kaming sumama kay daddy sa australia.
when it rains, it pours talaga.
sabi ko nga kay ate, kung para samin yon, then magiging available yun. maghihintay yun para samen. gaya na lang ng panalo ng dallas mavericks.
all in God's most perfect timing.
*photo taken here.
im back blogging while on break sa work. buti na lang nakatulog ang i.t. at heto, nakakapagblog ulit.
i went home last friday with a different mood. si mother ay medyo bubbly dahil si daddy ay mukhang matutuloy na sa ne caledonia.
pero heto ang catch.
natanggap din si daddy sa australia na siyang pinakamimithing destinasyon naming lahat sa pamilya. ang problema lang, comitted na si daddy sa new caledonia. ang mahirap, pupuwede kaming sumama kay daddy sa australia.
when it rains, it pours talaga.
sabi ko nga kay ate, kung para samin yon, then magiging available yun. maghihintay yun para samen. gaya na lang ng panalo ng dallas mavericks.
all in God's most perfect timing.
*photo taken here.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Fire Tree
natawa naman daw ako sa post ko about the concert. sinulat ko pa naman dun kung panong nabless ako.
pero sinundan kasi ito ng post tungkol kay botcha girl.
kaya heto pa, isang pagpupugay sa mga taong namimilit na bumitaw ka sa iyong class at ang virus na naging tao na nakikipaglaban para mahawaan ka ng kanyang "folly."
si botcha girl ay isang leech. sipsip sa boss at ma-epal. descriptions na taliwas sa aking prinsipyo na closeness at popularity by virtue of good performance sa work. idagdag mo pa ang way of the fake smiles and the good listener.
one time, nagvolunteer ako na tulungan ang boss na magbuhat ng kanyang amplifier. so go ako at biglang umeksena si botcha girl. siya na lang daw kasi gagamitin niya ang payong ni sir. naasar lang ako kasi pati si boss, naguluhan. ang isang officemate pa na hiniraman ng payong ni boss ay nagpa-iwan sa office para lang magamit ni botcha girl ang payong.
hays. no money, no class pa!
totoo nga na ang buhay sa opisina ay parang sa gubat. may iba't ibang hayop at may mga insekto pati na parasites.
good thing, isa akong halaman. haha
*photo taken here.
pero sinundan kasi ito ng post tungkol kay botcha girl.
kaya heto pa, isang pagpupugay sa mga taong namimilit na bumitaw ka sa iyong class at ang virus na naging tao na nakikipaglaban para mahawaan ka ng kanyang "folly."
si botcha girl ay isang leech. sipsip sa boss at ma-epal. descriptions na taliwas sa aking prinsipyo na closeness at popularity by virtue of good performance sa work. idagdag mo pa ang way of the fake smiles and the good listener.
one time, nagvolunteer ako na tulungan ang boss na magbuhat ng kanyang amplifier. so go ako at biglang umeksena si botcha girl. siya na lang daw kasi gagamitin niya ang payong ni sir. naasar lang ako kasi pati si boss, naguluhan. ang isang officemate pa na hiniraman ng payong ni boss ay nagpa-iwan sa office para lang magamit ni botcha girl ang payong.
hays. no money, no class pa!
totoo nga na ang buhay sa opisina ay parang sa gubat. may iba't ibang hayop at may mga insekto pati na parasites.
good thing, isa akong halaman. haha
*photo taken here.
School
the office has somehow succeeded in keeping the laziness for updating you guys of the most mundane details of my life.
i could not blog anymore but then again, it gives me focus. to my work and school.
so school started officially for me. guess what? i was freaking late for my first day!
not good charl. not good.
but hey, i have not missed anything. orientation was done via web streaming so thank you technology for doing this.
each night, i spend at least one hour for reading books and modules for my studies. it is tough but necessary. it could have been easier if from the moment i passed the licensure examination, i have not stopped reading.
but, no more crying for that lost time as i try to inch my way towards the charl that i used to be in college.
welcome back school!
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