off! but a sleeping one.
sige, i will still take this time to do some productive things. work was fine last night. got to have a buddy with me as i taught her the routine at our unit.
again, i stand corrected with the way i perceived other people. i am learning and everyday is a chance for me to change my ways.
i am trying to bring in more positive vibe to my life now. i realized that me being in toxic shame and a denied hatred towards myself is not helping me. i gotta grow and change. i have to love myself more.
hope this will continue....
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Cramps
while writing this, i had to stretch out my leg and rest for a while. i am having leg cramps. for more than 12 hours, i stood, ran, pushed beds and carried people.
my shift was not easy. i had to prepare a patient for surgery while trying to attend to his emotional needs. he was feverish and had high blood pressure. he was frustrated because he sustained injuries from a drunk man driving a tricycle and was irresponsible enough to be on the streets.
then i had to discharge patients. one patient was not able to settle the professional fee of one of her doctors. so now, i might pay the fee.
if i could just cut myself into four, i probably did it a while ago. i am sorry but could not help but whine. i know it is wrong but i just did not know what to do.
until, i saw my preceptor. she was the one who guided my while i started out with my new work. in difficult times, her patience and kindness stood out.
i will miss you ma'am.
my shift was not easy. i had to prepare a patient for surgery while trying to attend to his emotional needs. he was feverish and had high blood pressure. he was frustrated because he sustained injuries from a drunk man driving a tricycle and was irresponsible enough to be on the streets.
then i had to discharge patients. one patient was not able to settle the professional fee of one of her doctors. so now, i might pay the fee.
if i could just cut myself into four, i probably did it a while ago. i am sorry but could not help but whine. i know it is wrong but i just did not know what to do.
until, i saw my preceptor. she was the one who guided my while i started out with my new work. in difficult times, her patience and kindness stood out.
i will miss you ma'am.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Patience from Patients
if there is one thing that i would have to be thankful with my work in an instant, that is teaching me how to be patient.
i usually flare up. especially with the twins. or when in a fast food chain and i have to wait for so long. probably, got it from my mom which i hated.
my seniors have shown me the ultimate patience. especially when i ask a lot of questions or when i am taking too long in doing a specific task.
in addition, my patients have taught me the lesson very well. from me taking a while to respond to their requests or when i am covering up a delay which is beyond our control, i can only thank them and learn from their unbelievable patience.
yesterday, i was at the most perfect time to be at the receiving end of a flare up. a relative came into the station shouting like there was no tomorrow. she was complaining of having to wait for four hours before blood transfusion can begin for her father. medically speaking, her father is stable at that time. but of course, she would not understand or to say the least, listen to our side.
the patient arrived at our unit at 6:30 am and at the time she came at the station attacking us with her faulty arguments and her funny face, it was 7:30 am. she did not understand our process and from where we were coming but we do understand her concern for her loved one. i have a family as well.
but, i realized that in those times that i flared up, it was just a waste of energy. plus, my face does not look good with all the negative vibe.
i usually flare up. especially with the twins. or when in a fast food chain and i have to wait for so long. probably, got it from my mom which i hated.
my seniors have shown me the ultimate patience. especially when i ask a lot of questions or when i am taking too long in doing a specific task.
in addition, my patients have taught me the lesson very well. from me taking a while to respond to their requests or when i am covering up a delay which is beyond our control, i can only thank them and learn from their unbelievable patience.
yesterday, i was at the most perfect time to be at the receiving end of a flare up. a relative came into the station shouting like there was no tomorrow. she was complaining of having to wait for four hours before blood transfusion can begin for her father. medically speaking, her father is stable at that time. but of course, she would not understand or to say the least, listen to our side.
the patient arrived at our unit at 6:30 am and at the time she came at the station attacking us with her faulty arguments and her funny face, it was 7:30 am. she did not understand our process and from where we were coming but we do understand her concern for her loved one. i have a family as well.
but, i realized that in those times that i flared up, it was just a waste of energy. plus, my face does not look good with all the negative vibe.
Nadalism
i have been away for so long from my blog that i thought blogging again would not be possible. like the old days when i was in egypt, i could hardly blog and tell you so many wonderful stories. well, some are really not that good.
as you might have known, work is the number one killer of my time. my usual routine is described as work-home-do the laundry-eat-sleep. no more social life and my time for my academic pursuits keep vanishing.
at this point, i consider it as the most challenging time. my body could not keep up with the things that i have to do. well, i have myself to blame- procrastination and lack of focus. these things sadly have taken their part in my work that for two days, i was only saved by a prayer from committing errors. errors which usually are not common to me.
exhaustion. yes it could be. morning shifts just drain me of my energy. right now, i am sick again with colds. last year was not like this. i could only think of three times when i had colds but this year, this is my third already.
the slump i am experiencing right now, i know how to end it. but, it seems that it gets the better of me. like staying like this would be fine with me.
ending this, i have Nadal in my mind. his struggles with Nole has come to an end. like what he said, he had to prepare all the time and respect the opponent. i know his win is something special for me.
as you might have known, work is the number one killer of my time. my usual routine is described as work-home-do the laundry-eat-sleep. no more social life and my time for my academic pursuits keep vanishing.
at this point, i consider it as the most challenging time. my body could not keep up with the things that i have to do. well, i have myself to blame- procrastination and lack of focus. these things sadly have taken their part in my work that for two days, i was only saved by a prayer from committing errors. errors which usually are not common to me.
exhaustion. yes it could be. morning shifts just drain me of my energy. right now, i am sick again with colds. last year was not like this. i could only think of three times when i had colds but this year, this is my third already.
the slump i am experiencing right now, i know how to end it. but, it seems that it gets the better of me. like staying like this would be fine with me.
ending this, i have Nadal in my mind. his struggles with Nole has come to an end. like what he said, he had to prepare all the time and respect the opponent. i know his win is something special for me.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Rush
complacency. procrastination. over confidence. distraction. lack of focus.
change. discipline. care. time management. priorities. plan.
change. discipline. care. time management. priorities. plan.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sick
ayun.
i am again blogging. thanks to a fever and colds, i was able to blog. quick update lang. i am done with two assignments and there is only school requirement that i need to pass. don't you worry because i am currently finishing it. just taking a break.
currently on a sick leave, i plan to finish my portfolio and take more rest before over time at work will keep me from doing so.
with work, there is a weird feeling of enjoyment and fulfillment at the same time.
i am again blogging. thanks to a fever and colds, i was able to blog. quick update lang. i am done with two assignments and there is only school requirement that i need to pass. don't you worry because i am currently finishing it. just taking a break.
currently on a sick leave, i plan to finish my portfolio and take more rest before over time at work will keep me from doing so.
with work, there is a weird feeling of enjoyment and fulfillment at the same time.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Limits
you see, i always extend some time after my shift has ended. blame it to needy people arriving 20 minutes before the end of my shift or to those demanding and those suddenly becoming seriously ill.
plus, the paperwork.
in the course of an 8-hour shift that extends to 10 hours, i deny myself of the human needs. i deny myself of water, of being affected by irritation, exhaustion and impatience. i smile in denial of these human attributes not because i chose to but it is needed in my job.
why am i saying these things? it is because on my way home or when i am trying to reward myself in the mall, i would not want to be playing the role of the guy who has patience and understanding for all. i just want to be human and not deny myself of my needs.
so people, please stop talking loudly when you are in a public transportation. i am trying to rest. do not make me go all the way to the driver's side just because you cannot do it since i am nearer to the driver and you are too lazy to move from your place. do not make me wait for another 10 minutes for my order in a fast food chain. my patience has also its limit and my strength is also exhausted on a daily basis.
sigh.
i know this is quite impossible.
plus, the paperwork.
in the course of an 8-hour shift that extends to 10 hours, i deny myself of the human needs. i deny myself of water, of being affected by irritation, exhaustion and impatience. i smile in denial of these human attributes not because i chose to but it is needed in my job.
why am i saying these things? it is because on my way home or when i am trying to reward myself in the mall, i would not want to be playing the role of the guy who has patience and understanding for all. i just want to be human and not deny myself of my needs.
so people, please stop talking loudly when you are in a public transportation. i am trying to rest. do not make me go all the way to the driver's side just because you cannot do it since i am nearer to the driver and you are too lazy to move from your place. do not make me wait for another 10 minutes for my order in a fast food chain. my patience has also its limit and my strength is also exhausted on a daily basis.
sigh.
i know this is quite impossible.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Three Cups
f.y.i., i have been eating a lot. like 3 cups of rice per meal.
thing is, i have stopped growing. partly due to the activities that somehow destroy the calories i take. not to mention, the stress and irritation i get on a daily basis.
this is my life now.
thing is, i have stopped growing. partly due to the activities that somehow destroy the calories i take. not to mention, the stress and irritation i get on a daily basis.
this is my life now.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The Sick Truth
i am home and feeling a little bit sick.
but what makes me feel more sickly is the fact that there are these people who distort the truth. i gave my best care for her and did whatever i could to make her comfortable.
now, buried with thousands of hospital bills, why the need to change my words? you have chosen to be cared for under this pricey place and i guess, you never realized that it was really this pricey.
still, i wish for your recovery and that i hope i will never see you again in the future.
but what makes me feel more sickly is the fact that there are these people who distort the truth. i gave my best care for her and did whatever i could to make her comfortable.
now, buried with thousands of hospital bills, why the need to change my words? you have chosen to be cared for under this pricey place and i guess, you never realized that it was really this pricey.
still, i wish for your recovery and that i hope i will never see you again in the future.
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