Try Harder

just a thought before i sleep...

i hope this will motivate me to continue.

Dark Side

as i type this, ten times ko nang pinapakinggan ang kantang dark side. i feel that my dark side is already out sa work.

kapag may ayaw ako, i verbalize it or they can read it with my face. sometimes kasi, ang flattery in other forms are like permission to be abused. kaso naman, i do not ask for flattery. i just want a peaceful shift and a not-that-tiring case load. kadalasan, this is all but a wish.

so this week, ngarag ang lahat ng tao. the dread of being asked by the surveyors and knowing the right answer is too much for everybody to bear. kaya giving me the most challenging cases would not help. minsan lang kasi i feel na hindi patas. pero sabi nga ng iba, wala naman nagsasabi na patas ang buhay.

i just wish na matapos na ang stressful na week na ito and we hope to pass the accreditation.

Minatamis na Kamias

there is a disease in me.

a disease which tries to kill friendships and abolish soon-to-be formed friendships. and probably, intimate relationships.

it feels like it transforms into a self-defense trying to protect me from being hurt. or disappointed.

paano nga ba hindi maging maasim sa mga tao? i can't just be too sugar-coated all at once.

Titanium

well, i stood in awe how the words of mark suddenly came into reality.

"isa kang madalahira at madiwarang nurse."

time and again, it has been my goal to be the very kind and sweet person that i envision to be. but, i always fail. it is like i get into this skin- cynical, excessive realist and a no-nonsense approach to almost anything and everything.

even if i attribute it to the way i was brought up, yash tells me to let go of it. that i am too old to know what is right and with that knowledge, i should have banished whatever that is keeping me to be truly happy.

and i guess, work is pushing me also to take on that skin and be at my defensive state in every shift.

we will see...

Happy

will try to live by these words...

Ed

every september and october, changes always come. right now, i am currently waiting for a chance to work abroad. again.

yes, i am that fucked up in that i do not finish my contract and all. it is not that i do not want to finish it. it is just that my family's finances force me to do it. in truth, i really love my job now though it drains me of energy and motivation.

but yeah, i will cross the river when i get there. in the mean time, i'd bury my ears first with ed sheeran's voice.

The Ninth Month

september went so fast. i hope these pictures would be enough to tell my stories...

practicum. birthday. inang's event. sleepovers.

thank you september!

Tests

last night, i felt that my patience was tested.

why is it that there are some people who feel that the world owes them a lot? why can't they be nice?

i guess i will be needing a lot of motivation later. besides, september na. that should be enough to perk me up.

Reunited

the past few days were rough. they had me questioning my intent to stay at my current work.

whenever i think of quitting, i think of them- sheila and mark. they endured the two years of working in egypt while i did not.

as they continue their own lives, i think of them- their perseverance and the times they almost quit but pressed on.

Don't Wake Me Up

is it worth it?

i am trying to find reasons for continuing the journey....

in the mean time....