85: Shortened

Mukhang hindi na magtatagal ang aking pagpupuyat at pagiging on-call. I have decided that my current patient will be my last.  Tama na muna.  Magpapahinga muna ako.

Naconfirm ko rin kahapon ang ilang detalye sa pag-alis ko.  It seems that my 106 days of waiting and preparation are too many.   Mapapaikli ang lahat.  

For now, tiis muna sa pagpupuyat mula sa pagbabantay ng isang maysakit.  

86: And Another Truth

87: True

88: On Call

All day long, I have been waiting for a text if I will have a case tonight.  As a private duty nurse, lagi kang on-call.  Ok lang naman sana if not for the times that I am here in pampanga.  Hindi naman ako agad makaluwas kaya minsan tumatanggi na lang ako for some patients.

Nang magalas siete na kanina, tumatawag ang isang pdn asking me kung nasan na ako.  At yun na nga ang nangyari, ako ang hinhintay but the thing is, I cannot act on my own.  Dadaan pa rin lagi sa approval ng coordinator which I did.  So that makes me clear from any blunder or anumang inconvenience.

Sabi ng dati kong kasama sa trabaho, ang ambivalence ko towards work as a pdn maybe due to the fact na ang environment ko e nasa dati paring workplace.  Tsaka hindi pa natatapos ang isang buwan na ngresign ako, nagtatrabaho na ulit ako.

Sinabi ko kay ate na gusto ko nang tumigil bilang pdn.  Hindi ko gusto ang pagiging on-call.  Ok lang naman sa kanya ang kaso nga lang, i have to make sure na wala na akong aberya sa pag-alis ko pa-u.k.  To do that, kailangan ko lang pumunta sa agency then i will stop working as a pdn.

So tiis muna sa paminsang minsan n pagtatalak ni mudra.  Pati na rin ang sunday church service kina lola.  Wala na rin akong kawala sa pasko at new year.  

Ieenjoy ko na lang ang paghihintay.  Sa mga panahon na ito, natutuwa ako sa oras na nakakapagbasa ako.  Even the night runs that i take.  Walang iniisip.  Walang pinoproblema.  Walang due na gamot.  Walang due turning of position.  Walang relatives na pakikisamahan.  Walang iv fluids na papalitan.  Walang bedbath.  Walang diaper change.  Walang doctor na magrorounds.  Walang pagpupuyat sa pagbabantay ng maysakit.

89: Cycle

save.  read.  study.  run.  swim.  swing.  clean.  fix.  file.  collect.  write.  meet.  pay.  then repeat.

90: Invisible

He wanted to disappear.

He wanted to leave the zone and just be himself.  He thought of the possibilities.  He loved the idea of new things, new places and new people.  It's like he has to be new as well.

But for now, he has to wait.  He has to remain visible in a world that treats him as invisible.

91: Most Liked

And another list...

92: Letter to Self on a Friday Night

hey!  it's friday night and here you are at a computer shop watching youtube videos of bulldogs, volleyball matches and episodes of the voice usa.  

first, do not be sad for being alone.  you are not lonely.  those two words are different.  you probably know this fact by this time.  i like that you give more value to yourself and that you do not tie it to other people or to things.  yes it can be really lonely at times but the fact that you are trying to enjoy yourself leads to a better you and hopefully, to meeting someone.

second, take time to enjoy things while you can and you have the ability to do so.  like what you did when you craved for a burrito and you walked from legarda to dapitan just to have it.  or when you just had to read from your ebook reader for three hours because you are really having a great time.  even when you had 50 pesos on your wallet, you still made ways to enjoy and not wallow in self-pity.

third, there is no use for you to regret.  learn from every mistake.  rise up from every challenge.  take a 360-degree view of the situation even when you can't knowing that God will provide it to you later.  always move forward and never forget the lessons from the past.

fourth, stop demeaning yourself.  you are good.  even better for some people's standards.  NEVER FORGET THIS.  give yourself some privilege to believe in your goodness and your ability to achieve.  stop covering your talents and what you can do.  do not be afraid to take responsibilities because of these things.  these are ways that will make you a better person.  accept your true self and then you can finally soar.

fifth, learn to appreciate.  thank other people and appreciate them when they give you compliments.  open your eyes to the goodness of other people.  believe in the goodness of other people but know your limits.  thank other people for the help given to you and thank your friends.

lastly, take care of your self.  i really like that you are still swimming whenever you can.  be happy that you can now complete 1000 meters in a span of one hour and 30 minutes.  that is a great achievement for you since you started swimming last september.  you just have to keep working on your form and your stroke.  but hey, you will get there.  also, i like that you religiously run whenever you are in pampanga and you cannot swim.  i like that you are paying more attention to you diet and that you like to move more by walking whenever you can.  i like that you give attention to you skin and hair.  swimming can bring damage to these parts of your body and these are usually noticed immediately by people.  

i love that you are giving more time to yourself- to enjoy life, to improve, to be healthy and just to be better at anything and everything.  so hey, do not be sad that you are alone on a friday night.  things will get better for you soon.  you just have to be ready...

93: Surfer

94:Stop Doing List

thank you the berry...