Limits

you see, i always extend some time after my shift has ended. blame it to needy people arriving 20 minutes before the end of my shift or to those demanding and those suddenly becoming seriously ill.

plus, the paperwork.

in the course of an 8-hour shift that extends to 10 hours, i deny myself of the human needs. i deny myself of water, of being affected by irritation, exhaustion and impatience. i smile in denial of these human attributes not because i chose to but it is needed in my job.

why am i saying these things? it is because on my way home or when i am trying to reward myself in the mall, i would not want to be playing the role of the guy who has patience and understanding for all. i just want to be human and not deny myself of my needs.

so people, please stop talking loudly when you are in a public transportation. i am trying to rest. do not make me go all the way to the driver's side just because you cannot do it since i am nearer to the driver and you are too lazy to move from your place. do not make me wait for another 10 minutes for my order in a fast food chain. my patience has also its limit and my strength is also exhausted on a daily basis.

sigh.

i know this is quite impossible.

Sun

summer is here.

Three Cups

f.y.i., i have been eating a lot. like 3 cups of rice per meal.

thing is, i have stopped growing. partly due to the activities that somehow destroy the calories i take. not to mention, the stress and irritation i get on a daily basis.

this is my life now.

The Sick Truth

i am home and feeling a little bit sick.

but what makes me feel more sickly is the fact that there are these people who distort the truth. i gave my best care for her and did whatever i could to make her comfortable.

now, buried with thousands of hospital bills, why the need to change my words? you have chosen to be cared for under this pricey place and i guess, you never realized that it was really this pricey.

still, i wish for your recovery and that i hope i will never see you again in the future.

Secondary

i have a theory.

and it pertains to the question of losing enthusiasm or zeal in one aspect of your life. last year, i was really passionate about my masters. now, that passion is missing.

i never missed the deadline and reading prior to an exam was a must. however, you all know that i am still not done with my two assignments.

the exams were okay. far from what i expected to get. pretty decent for someone who never opened his modules or for someone who took it in one hour instead of taking it for three hours.

this is my theory: when one area in your life is perfectly fine, that one area where you are constantly focused on giving your best, other areas of your life suffer to neglect.

with my new work, i have stopped working to better myself. when i was at the office, i took every opportunity to be a better nurse. even not a bedside nurse. i got in to different seminars and i started with school.

now that i am back at the bedside, everything else seems to be of secondary importance.

this is bad.

**********************************

this is my answer to your predicament. you know who you are.

Kisses

kisses from my patient. hoping this would make me feel better.

Love

would you leave a man who has betrayed you for another woman? would you even care for him when he is a footstep away from death?

i do not know how to answer this but a woman told me her answer.

after taking care of him for some time, i could not understand it. his wife stood by him even after his unfaithfulness, lack of cooperation with the treatment and by just being a difficult patient.

but, why?

i guess, i have yet to love another person. in that way, i could reach that point where sacrificing is not a question or an option.

as i type this, i guess this is what He wants me to understand. that even if i fail or disappoint Him, He will never leave me.

this is love.

Through

well, i have been out for some time.

i guess, my procrastination and laziness prevailed over me when work has drained my creative juices.

sigh.

at least, i am through with my two assignments and there are only two more tasks to be done.

good thing is, i am getting adjusted with my work. yay!