Thursday, August 15, 2013


suddenly missed the people i worked with in egypt- ate emma, shiela and mark. makes me think back of the coping methods i used to be able to adjust in a new environment.

i don't want to question my decision. i just want to make it work.

Monday, August 12, 2013


i feel like i should mourn.

after the announcement of its end, the times that i was enjoying reading his stuff suddenly came into my mind. how he worships beyonce, how he loves pizza or how adores his nephew.

he does not know me but i know him from reading his blog. i was even too shy to comment for several posts that made me laugh out loud.

i wish you the best. thank you house of diarrhea.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Not Affected

Dear Charlton E.

Everyone at _______ Recruitment sends their greetings. We know you are doing really well at St Georges, and we are delighted we helped you to achieve your dream.

We are urgently looking for Nurses with NMC DECISION LETTERS or waiting for their decision as we have a hospital that wants to move very quickly to recruit.

If you know of anyone with a PIN or an NMC decision letter please ask them to contact me urgently.

Also if you know anyone in a Nursing home that is looking to work for the NHS I would be interested in hearing from them too.

Please spread the word as I know you are all fantastic when it comes to networking.

God Bless.

today, i received this email. i mean, seriously?

nang-aasar ba sila? but then, i know better. i have moved on and my life, though not perfect, has a lot to be thankful for.

there are no more what ifs and regrets. only of thoughts and dreams to fulfill.

Something Exciting

after working for straight 16 hours then another 8 hours for a night shift, i am finally on a rest day. actually, two rest days! technically, the first day was spent on sleeping and deciding whether to go home in the province or to wait for the unit to call me for work.

with a leap of faith, i went home only to be bothered by a text clarifying my schedule. i almost peed my pants when i did not know what to do for a minute or two. should i go home or not?

so here i am, being lazy again at the comfort of my "real" room in the province after satisfying my self from a nice breakfast with the family.

i wish i could do this everyday. however, this is not reality.

often, i sleep on the floor with my very old mattress in manila since the bed provided by the owner of the house cannot support my weight. in this way, my back is more stable and i get to move a lot around the floor.

then, there is this dust. and smoke. my room faces the road of which glorious vehicles honk mindlessly as i try to regain what was left of my humanity. few years ago, i gave up on sweeping and wiping the floor everyday since by late in the afternoon, the dust will then be there again.

i know it does not sound so healthy. and clean. but i love it and it has been my home for nearly three years now.

so when i come home in the province, i feel like a king. this and the dream of making it big as i indulge myself of pictures of everything beautiful and nice keep me going. even trying to live with a housemate who cannot properly dispose off her soiled sanitary napkin.

august marks the period where i can just count six months from my contract with current work then i am free to work overseas. it excites me and it makes me smile knowing that my hardship from living with a small salary is nearing its end. plus the not-so-clean room which ironically, i have come to love.

but then, my current lateral transfer to the intensive unit makes my heart divided. the thrill of learning and re-learning things make me appreciate more my profession but the desire to live in a more comfortable level seems to be irresistible.

whatever. i should be reminded again to live and think of the hear and now as ms. janice reminded me before.

at least, something exciting is happening.

Saturday, August 3, 2013


off on a saturday night. sounds fun? but no. am duty tomorrow, for the second time. pero sige, if i have to do this, then ok. i will have to endure it.

last night was tiring. intubated nga pero every ten minutes e tawag nang tawag. nakakapagod at nakakapanibago dahil sa hindi pa sanay sa mga routine. funny how few years ago, nagagawa ko pang magtea break habang may hawak akong patient na sobrang critical at isa pang madaming orders.

things change and in effect talaga ang law of disuse.

but please, i need an attitude makeover. stat!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Same Love

"And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can't change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to"

In the Middle

in the middle of harsh temperatures, lack of good soil and too much sun, this flower caught my attention while going down from the peak of mt. sinai.

i was reminded that i can still grow.  i can still be alive.  even when the circumstances around me tell me otherwise.