Project TRANSFORMATION

This is a project called TRANSFORMATION.

I know it is very cheesy but I tell you, I have been in an indeterminate state for a couple of months now. I don’t know what state is this but it seems that I am not alone is this plight.

A lot of people that I know are also in this state. Well, we are called newly registered nurses. At this time, nothing is much to be done to change our situation of being jobless and being situated in a country where one out of five people is a nurse (not sure with the statistics though). Being Registered Nurse may be only in title but not in reality because nurses are not nurses when they do not show what they can do. I belong to this sad reality…

In this state, you get to think a lot. You get to ponder a lot of ideas and sometimes, you even encounter delusions. But most often than not, you meet depression. I am very much into this encounter almost all of the times. When you have nothing to do, you entertain a lot of thoughts that sometimes are not really helpful. I have succumbed to depression these past few months and it is evident with my weight. Yes my weight!

Apart from entertaining these negative thoughts, I have been surfing the net almost everyday and watching TV. Most of the time, I admit that I really do not get something worthy while doing these things until a certain PBB housemate showed me the way, the way to TRANSFORMATION. His name is Robi. You probably read my previous blog entry. From there, I was stunned by how much waste I have produced in the past. As I always tell to my friends, he made me realized a lot of things. Here they go:

a.) I have not maximized my potentials. I’m not being conceited but God has blessed me a lot and it is such a shame that I have not been using them to fullest or even for His greater glory. What have I been doing in the past? Honestly, I don’t know. I was like drifting away from what I used to do.
b.) I have stopped learning. I stopped reading. I stopped feeding my mind. It may be true that I surf the net always but what do I get? Purely junk in its most enticing form.
c.) I have been preoccupied with myself but I have not cared my whole body and soul. I am always thinking what I shall do next or what is in store for me. Constantly, I keep whining about my present situation. My thoughts are always concerned about me but never really reached my core. I have gained a lot of weight and did not take care of my skin and eyes. I have stopped exercising. I have ballooned to my biggest weight so far…
d.) I have been negative in my thoughts, emotions and actions. I had so much hatred in me. Probably because of the depression that I have been struggling with. I easily lose my temper and I have hurt the people close to me. In the end, I have hurt myself. Lastly;
e.) I have not been praying and communicating with God that much. This by far is the biggest realization that I had. Why did I falter in to being in touch with God? Why? Am I being too complacent with the fact that He will always provide that I had let Him just be there whenever I feel that I need Him? I am deeply embarrassed that I have become like this. For the longest time, God is always there for me- loving, caring and protecting me. What have I shown to Him?

It really takes a lot of discipline and commitment to your endeavor to make it realized and fulfilled. I am embarking to a new adventure in life and I hope that I do well in the end.

I love this part when I find the spark to a new me. Sadly, it fades away. I just wish and pray that with this one, it will last for a long time until I am completely TRANSFORMED….

Para Sa Iyo Robi

Matagal ko ng gusting sabihin ‘to- SALAMAT! Salamat Robi dahil ginising mo ‘ko sa pagkatulog ko, sa pagkahinto ng pag-abot ko sa aking mga pangarap.

Nakita kita nung una palang bilang isang mabuting kabataan. Nagustuhan kita bilang housemate kasama si Rona, Pris at Valerie. Sa paglipas ng araw, unti-unti akong bumilib sayo. Mabait ka. Isang magalang, mapagkumbaba, maaalahanin at maka-Diyos na kabataan. Isang mabuting anak at kapatid, masipag na estudyante at tapat na kaibigan. Nakakapagtaka ka dahil sa mura mong edad, nagpakita ka ng pambihirang maturity at sense of responsibility. Maraming nagduda sa iyong sinseridad, kung totoo ba ang lahat ng pinapakita mo. Maski ako ay nagulat sa iyong mga reaksyon sa anumang sitwasyon na kinaharap mo.

Sinampal mo ‘ko, sinampal mo ko sa aking pagkamanhid. Ginising mo ang pagkahimbing ko sa isang sitwasyon ng aking buhay. Pinadama mo sa akin ang mga kamalian ko sa aking buhay. Sagad hanggang kaluluwa ang ginawa mong paggising sa akin. Binago mo ako. Napagtatwa ko ang anumang kamalian sa buhay ko at nagyon ay pinipilit ko itong baguhin.

Hindi ko lubos maisip na isang lingo na pala ang lumipas nang pumila ako para lang makakuha ng ticket sa Big Night niyo gayundin ang araw-araw na pagtetext upang ika’y iboto. Hindi ko lubos na matanggap na ang nagsilbing inspirasyon ko e hindi ko na madalas mapapanood. Nabubuhay na lang ako sa paggunita sa mga ginawa mo sa akin. Nahihirapan ako dahil sa tingin ko, sadyang malakas ang nagging dating mo sa maraming manonood at kabilang ako doon.

Nakakahiya mang sabihin pero mas matanda ako sa ‘yo ngunit, ikaw pa ang nagturo sa akin. Sa TV, nakita ko ang sarili ko sa ‘yo kaya’t naiyak ako nung hindi ikaw ang tinanghal na Big Winner. Naramdaman ko kasi na parang ang mga kagaya natin ay ikinukulong sa mga stereotypes na meron sa ating lipunan. Masakit at unfair kung titignan pero aking napagtanto na hindi matatawaran ang iniwan mo sa amin Robi. Sabihin man na gasgas, ikaw ay tunay na nanalo sa puso ng marami.

Ngayong wala ka na sa bahay, pare-parehong magsisimula ang buhay natin. Masaya ako na sa aking paglalakbay, natagpuan kita at ng iba pang naniniwala sa ‘yo. Salamat at congratulations!

PBB Teen Edition Season 2

i love watching PBB Teen Edition Season 2. well, not the whole show. i love some parts of it and some of the housemates. i consider this show as a breath of fresh air. i just love looking on the lives of these teenagers. i believe that there is a voyeur in everyone of us. it is for this reason that reality TV shows are such a hit nowadays.

can i just say that PBB is a reality TV show? this is intended for the people behind this show. there should be no manipulation of how the housemates will conduct their lives there. i mean, there should be no crappy set ups of some sorts of making the show run. i believe that the show should flow naturally. no hang ups and no creation of absurd situations that you think people will buy. the Filipino viewers are becoming more intelligent and please respect this by not making us stupid.

i say that this batch has so much appeal than before. about 60% are pleasing to the eyes. forgive me for this but i just dont like watching people who are not really pleasant to the eyes. this could mean on the physical side or the characteristics of a particular housemate. i will go to this specifically later...

i really don't like unfair setups in real life. who wants being treated unfairly? in this light, i just dont like the way KUYA/BIG BROTHER is treating some of the housemates...

now, we go to the housemates as i see them on TV...

ejay- i like his being torpe of courting valerie... he's industrious, unpretentious and simple. but that's just it for me. nothing really exciting.

nan- just for comic relief. i think he has to live up to his nickname to be felt in the house. also industrious but somehow quite silent.

jolas- my schoolmate. nevertheless, i will never vote for him. such a lazy teen! he dos not even want to hear criticisms. how can he be an athlete for that matter? he should do more and be more than just muscle.

kevin- i like his independence, transparency and honesty. his being a Spanish really shines with his decisions and principles in life. very dynamic with his personality. very determined in life.

josef- lazy, disrespectful and such a player! not a good example for the youth. it makes me regret my choice of studying at his school with his behavior.

alex- quite a good guy. nothing much about his personality.

linda- stubborn and insensitive.

nicole- quite lazy and really innocent. young and naive as well. needs to learn a lot from life inside the house.

jing- totally abhor her! such a disgrace to the show. there's nothing to like about her.

beauty- same with jing! backstabber and pretentious! conceited and flirt doublesided person! she thinks she's funny but hell no! i just hope she will not be able to return to the house lolz.

valerie- very independent, patient and always smiling. simple and very lovable! never complains.

rona- always misunderstood. i like her because she is not afraid of thinking aloud. she speaks what's on her mind and never discouraged of sad realities. she gets up and fights back to the challenges of life.

priscilla- i admire her. very positive in every aspect of her life. i am inspired by her courage to live her life normally even with the disability she has. very spirited young girl and intelligent as well. even if she kinda lives in a different world, she makes it easy for herself to live at peace with everyone and everything around her.

robi- my bet for the big winner. responsible, a true leader, intelligent, caring, fair, sensitive to the needs of others, very true to his self and a good example. i see myself in him though he knows how to have a good time and really blends well with people.

call me jologs or what but i like the show. in addition, there is a possibility that beauty will not be back and im excited about that. not that she got injured but the fact that i will not be seeing her face makes me jump for joy lolz. i love watching it. it makes me wanna go back to the not so distant years of my life and remember the good old days.

there are some things that i have not done like meeting more friends, going to parties and even having a girlfriend back in highschool. do i regret these? to a certain extent yes but to look from where i am now, i am happy and contented. i hope i can still have the time to do those things and enjoy life more. the show is about life per se. it has challenges, happiness, sadness and dissappointments. i don't need to be in that house to realize these but to show other perspectives about life, i will definitely live in that house from my TV...