Five Days

had the worst day at work.

for five straight days, i have been working. pwede siguro dahil sa pagod or minamadali ako kahapon. but, there is no one to blame but myself.

sometimes, i really wonder why do we have to learn the hard way. and that sometimes, it is already too late.

egypt keeps buzzing. but i do not want to escape from this. ayaw kong patunayan na tama si mark. na hindi ko kayang tapusin ang isang kontrata. at saan na naman ako pupunta? magsisimula na naman sa wala?

hindi. i have to face this one. i am not getting old. time is not on my side. san na nga ba ang mga kasabayan ko?

i know i do not have to compare. it is wrong. pero i have never been this shaken kasi.

praying for courage and a beautiful tomorrow. technically, a beautiful today.

Stronger

maintaining a profession is one big challenge.

truth is, our lives do not revolve in our profession alone. we have our families, friends, our partners and the world throwing crazy things upon our shoulders.

you are not alone. i offer my prayers for you and your father.

you know who you are.

Prayer for the Cloud to Vanish

Lord, it has been months since i was put into an adventure that i thought it was all that i could ever dream of. but i did not happen and only You know the reason. please help me to not question Your wisdom. help me to control my thoughts of turning my back against You.

You have been my help all these times and forgive me if i tend to see only the bad side. i know i should look around me and marvel at your blessings. You have given my family a good health and continue to do so. we may not have an abundant finances but they are enough. thank You Lord for we are learning to be contented and to rely only on Your graces. thank You very much.

Lord, thank You also for the successes my friend benj and karen are receiving in singapore. thank You for the answered prayers. i also pray for sheng and her father that he may have a speedy recovery and for sheng to remain faithful and trusting that You are in control.

please remove the growing cloud in my mind that seeks to block my hopeful dependence on Your grace. allow me Lord to realize that my efforts are not in vain and that i should not be envious of my friends' successes. i beg of You, Lord to have mercy on me and grant me the job that i have been praying for me. bring me to the place where you destined me to be. continue to bless my family and protect us from any danger and harm that may come from evil and natural forces.

these i pray in the name of Jesus Christ, my Savior and friend. Amen.

The Praying Hypocrite

my sunday church service was nothing but weird.

mom decided not to go to the church where we usually go since it was difficult for her to face relatives who are just fucking annoying. finally!

i was always not in good terms with hypocrites. and yes, people from the church included. in fact, the church i believe houses the most number of hypocrites since the time of Jesus. for that, attending another church was just a good idea.

in my mom's side, there are two pastors. the compound where my lola and her siblings live is just a fence away from the church so there is no escape for you to attend. the brother of my lola is newly-ordained pastor and so we decided to go to his church where he ministers.

his was different. from the size, the structure and the socio-demographic of the people who goes to the church, nothing was similar to the one that i am used to. there were like 20 people excluding us. mostly, they were children who were very noisy.

i sensed his frustration over members of his congregation. worshiping and serving God in words and in deeds cannot be seen with those who goes to beach resorts on a sunday. definitely, i could not stand that. dealing with difficult people and much more, inspire change in their lives through God.

but i liked it anyway. more sincere and ended quickly.

my career is also a calling. but my lolo's? i don't know; maybe it is a crazy calling.

*photo from here.

Crazy Surprise

this is crazy.

this morning, i just called the office and they told me that i will have to process my visa asap! my flight is on march 22 and i need to fix all documents as soon as i can.

isn't it crazy?

from my previous post, i was really down with all the things around me but then, God surprised me this one.

right now, i do not know what to do first. there's a lot to process and i am just having information overload. however, i could get used to this worthy piles of work.

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dear God,

i just want to thank You. thank You for this great news that has kept me thinking all day long. i really did not expect it. You really have a sense of humor! i just pray my Father that You will guide me as i make my application for the visa. grant positive response to it as well as my application to the NMC.

forgive me Lord for not telling it to my parents. i just want things to run smoothly and i do not want them to be pressured with all the things that i have to deal with.

You know and hold my future so i will fully entrust my life to Your Hands. thank You my Father and my Friend...

Amen.

My Prayer

God,

I know that I don't have to question You on what You want for my life for eveything is under Your control. You are my Father and with that knowledge, there is no reason for me to doubt Your capabilities. But God, my imperfection and frailty as a human are taking their toll on me.

Forgive me Father for I know I should be more trusting and faithful to You. With You by my side, all is perfect in Your plans and timing. Again, forgive me Father.

As my Lord and Savior, I know that You never fail to bless us. Thank You for You have continually blessed our family with abundance that is immeasurable in human terms. Thank You for keeping us safe and healthy. Thank You for giving us the chance to feel Your majesty with all of Your creations.

Thank You Lord for You are so patient with me. I have failed You so many times. I keep on stumbling with my faith but Your embrace and voice just keeps me alive. Thank You Lord that even though I am not feeling well right now, You are there to be with me, to take my pain and comfort me. You know that I have been restless and anxious the past few days and somehow, I always fail to keep my promise to never doubt You. But then, thank You still for I know You never fail. Thank You for Your plans are better than my plans and Your time is always perfect. Thank You for You never grant the immaturity of my wishes. Thank You for You always know what is best for me and my family.

Lord, I just pray that You continue to bless my family, relatives and friends safety, peace and good health. I know that much of what we pray for You are based on how we view life and so help us to view life as You would want us to.

Give me strength Father, for I am about to give up and break down. Mold me O Lord and make me. I sincerely ask for Your guidance and total control of my life. I pray that I may never lose hope and sight in Your plans for me.

I pray O Lord to continue Your lordship on me. Thank You O Lord. I pray all of these to my one and only Savior and friend, Jesus. Amen