Thursday, June 21, 2012

My Hopes

off! but a sleeping one.

sige, i will still take this time to do some productive things. work was fine last night. got to have a buddy with me as i taught her the routine at our unit.

again, i stand corrected with the way i perceived other people. i am learning and everyday is a chance for me to change my ways.

i am trying to bring in more positive vibe to my life now. i realized that me being in toxic shame and a denied hatred towards myself is not helping me. i gotta grow and change. i have to love myself more.

hope this will continue....

Friday, June 15, 2012


while writing this, i had to stretch out my leg and rest for a while. i am having leg cramps. for more than 12 hours, i stood, ran, pushed beds and carried people.

my shift was not easy. i had to prepare a patient for surgery while trying to attend to his emotional needs. he was feverish and had high blood pressure. he was frustrated because he sustained injuries from a drunk man driving a tricycle and was irresponsible enough to be on the streets.

then i had to discharge patients. one patient was not able to settle the professional fee of one of her doctors. so now, i might pay the fee.

if i could just cut myself into four, i probably did it a while ago. i am sorry but could not help but whine. i know it is wrong but i just did not know what to do.

until, i saw my preceptor. she was the one who guided my while i started out with my new work. in difficult times, her patience and kindness stood out.

i will miss you ma'am.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Patience from Patients

if there is one thing that i would have to be thankful with my work in an instant, that is teaching me how to be patient.

i usually flare up. especially with the twins. or when in a fast food chain and i have to wait for so long. probably, got it from my mom which i hated.

my seniors have shown me the ultimate patience. especially when i ask a lot of questions or when i am taking too long in doing a specific task.

in addition, my patients have taught me the lesson very well. from me taking a while to respond to their requests or when i am covering up a delay which is beyond our control, i can only thank them and learn from their unbelievable patience.

yesterday, i was at the most perfect time to be at the receiving end of a flare up. a relative came into the station shouting like there was no tomorrow. she was complaining of having to wait for four hours before blood transfusion can begin for her father. medically speaking, her father is stable at that time. but of course, she would not understand or to say the least, listen to our side.

the patient arrived at our unit at 6:30 am and at the time she came at the station attacking us with her faulty arguments and her funny face, it was 7:30 am. she did not understand our process and from where we were coming but we do understand her concern for her loved one. i have a family as well.

but, i realized that in those times that i flared up, it was just a waste of energy. plus, my face does not look good with all the negative vibe.


i have been away for so long from my blog that i thought blogging again would not be possible. like the old days when i was in egypt, i could hardly blog and tell you so many wonderful stories. well, some are really not that good.

as you might have known, work is the number one killer of my time. my usual routine is described as work-home-do the laundry-eat-sleep. no more social life and my time for my academic pursuits keep vanishing.

at this point, i consider it as the most challenging time. my body could not keep up with the things that i have to do. well, i have myself to blame- procrastination and lack of focus. these things sadly have taken their part in my work that for two days, i was only saved by a prayer from committing errors. errors which usually are not common to me.

exhaustion. yes it could be. morning shifts just drain me of my energy. right now, i am sick again with colds. last year was not like this. i could only think of three times when i had colds but this year, this is my third already.

the slump i am experiencing right now, i know how to end it. but, it seems that it gets the better of me. like staying like this would be fine with me.

ending this, i have Nadal in my mind. his struggles with Nole has come to an end. like what he said, he had to prepare all the time and respect the opponent. i know his win is something special for me.

Sunday, June 10, 2012


complacency. procrastination. over confidence. distraction. lack of focus.

change. discipline. care. time management. priorities. plan.