Sunday, November 27, 2011

Just Because

i am at the office right now. from this moment, it shall be exactly three days more before my time is up to what has been my home for more than a year.

then, a new place awaits my arrival.

one of the things that you encounter when leaving a comfort zone is the fact that you do not know anything about the new place beyond your zone. i will tell you at this moment that i am scared.

but, i really want this bad. so i will not stop just because i am frightened or a crazy voice in my mind keeps telling me to be embarrassed for having to start all over again when some of my batch mates are already seniors in the institution.

by this time, i think i am old enough to know what matters most.

happy sunday!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Right and Happy

as the guy from london said his goodbyes, i was also saying mine to fundamental tossan.

there was only one person who wished me well about my departure. well, the only person who cares about my future being her friend. for that, i will be truly grateful to her.

on tuesday, it will be my last day here.

you know how i feel? i feel happy. excited. and liberated. not that i hated working here it is just that, it is about time that i think about my career and professional growth.

my training with san culas is more than what i expected. every minute counts and every lesson is valuable. the difference is the quality and i can perfectly say, i made the right choice.

in the past, i have always been plagued with negative thoughts. worse, regrets. regrets for doing this thing or for not doing the other thing. i am that of a pessimist. a realistic which sometimes borders on being cynical and somehow not trusting myself and the Creator.

i talked to the guy from london yesterday. at the exact moment he was boarding the train en route to his new home. he was happy too.

you just know when you made a right decision. it just feels right.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011



sorry, pagod lang. sobrang puyat at ang dami lang ginagawa. ok naman ako. buhay pa naman mula sa halos walang tulog na set-up hanggang mairaos ang huling araw sa fundamental tossan.

mahirap pero ginusto ko. eto muna ngayon. paalam!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Shut Down

second day of training.
time: 8:20 p.m.
current mood: pissed

few minutes ago, i spent 150 pesos just to reach my workplace on time. but, i did not. then my brother called me. i repeated to him my request of bringing my clothes to the laundry shop but told me he was informed by our youngest sibling to just bring my clothes at home so the housemaid will do it for me.

however, he hesitated and asked me if he is the one to bring back the clothes to manila. come to think of it, who else but him? he knows my schedule. i barely sleep and stay at home. i come late at night and i am the first one to leave the house. how is it possible that it would be me to bring back the clothes?

forgive me but i was really irritated. he could have just said okay with the laundry and just left the part of bringing the clothes in pampanga to the rooms of forgetting. but he did not.

i mean, all i need is understanding but then, even the directions i told him for the type of laundry was missed out by him. so i had to speak to him in a raised tone as i am forcing my way to the very congested roads of e. rodriguez avenue. i told him, just do nothing. leave. i will just do it by myself.

i am tired. literally and figuratively. but to get from my mom this response, " Ewan ko ba sa inyo at hindi kayo nagbibigayan. Alam mo namang tamad yan." that's it? no reprimanding or no words to correct the act of my brother? can somebody tell me which part na hindi ako nagbigay for my brother?

with the bombarded brain which i think has decreased its capacity in holding information, i just want to shut down. but as all of you know, i can't. i still have to work tomorrow.

God help me.

Thursday, November 17, 2011


today is my first day of training.

and my crash diet.

i need to lose at least 5 kilos asap!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Becoming Panda


it is 10:25 pm on my watch and i am at work. this is part of my deal with the gods of the office. starting today, 8-5 pm will be spent on training at san culas while from 7-11 pm, i will be working for fundamental tossan.

i don't know if i will last until november 30. but it is needed since they have accepted my farewell speech.

in few days, i will become a panda.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


where do i start?

ahh, two weeks ago. that was the time i had the initial interview. one day later, i was absent again for work since i had to attend my skills exam.

imagine this: i received the text at 8:00 pm. my nursing uniforms were all in pampanga so i had to travel there to get them. woke up at 3 am so i could get at the office at 8am just in time for my presentation.

our meeting where i had the presentation ended at 11:30 am. my skills exam was at 1:00 pm. little boss had asked me to check one memo which took me until 12:30 pm to finish. at 12:45 pm, i was still at greenhills.

walking the streets, it began to rain. tears welled up as i realized how hard my situation was. i uttered a prayer for strength.

exactly at 1:00 pm, i was at san culas. manong taxi was sent by God. the skills exam started at 2:00 pm. i was called for my turn at 4:00 pm and got the results at 5:00 pm.

i passed and i moved on to the final interview.

last tuesday, i had my final interview. i knew i passed the moment i said my goodbye to the panel. actually, i had believed from the start that i can make it this far.

what made me worry was my resignation. it was so immediate that i shocked the two bosses. it was not received positively. in fact, they would not sign it.

the last time i checked, they knew i applied at san culas. so what am i missing here?

in the coming two weeks, they would be tough. in my attempt to leave in a "peaceful" manner, i may have to attend training from 8-5 pm then fly to my current work taking the night shift.

my friends tell me otherwise. and i would like to listen to their advice: AWOL!!!


thanks for the call...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Here and Now

The idea that "the great opportunities lie just over the horizon, in the next valley, with the next job or the next big thing" is not true. It lies here and now - and you are ready to grab it, regardless of your imperfections. - Paulo Coelho

eto lang naman ang aking status sa fezbuk.

actually, hindi ko alam ang meaning nito. dapat bang magstay ako sa kung ano ang meron? o dapat bang sunggaban kung ano ang offer saken?

dapat bang umasa sa isang bagay na hindi pa dumarating? o dapat humanap ng aking daan para matupad ang mga pangarap?

ang hirap.

*photo taken here.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Toxic Cartwheels

the past few days i think would top the days where i felt the most stress. toxic!!!

the guy from london has moved to the country side and i guess, i am not to be left out with issues of change.

san culas has finally texted me. this week, we only had three working days due to the holidays. and out of that three, i went to work for only two days since i had to attend to my interviews and exams.

i passed the initial interview the other day and yesterday, i had to sell my skills. the review of my performance was unbelievable that i am close to being hired should i pass the final interview and medical exam.

what is making me feel so much stress is that if i am in with san culas, i have to resign within a span of 9 days. no certificate of employment and i have to pay my loan. though the office may have an idea, it is still hard to bring it out in the open.

i really don't want to burn bridges and i want a merry christmas. transferring means no salary for three months. that i will be living from the support of my family (no savings). and that i will be starting from zero in a new place with no assurance that i will be placed in my favorite area.

as one colleague said, it all boils down to my priority and my one big goal. will the next step bring me closer to my goal?

right now, i feel like i am doing a thousand cartwheels towards my goal.

*photos taken here and here.