Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Happiness in a Cup

i'm okay now.

after a mcdonald's hot fudge sundae and watching senseless videos on youtube, i'm fine. today is the first day of september. my birthday month. the month when you know that christmas is near.

it was supposed to be happy. and fine. but no, it was not.

after the other boss asked me to do a task like encoding all the audited samples from may to august and after i f***ked up the message of a phone call from my boss (that was according to him) to the revelations benj told me, i could use some breaking down.

i felt suffocated and i could not break free from the disgust that i was feeling towards some people at the jungle called the office.

it was then i decided to go home early. i wanted to scream and break down but i know i got this under my control.

not without the help of sundae. so here i am, blogging and claiming what was stolen from me: happiness.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

PH Care

our usual friendly conversation:

mark: friend
charl: friend! kumusta? namiss kita at buhay ka pa pala?
mark: ito nagmamaganda parin. hahaha

charl: tama at nagmamaganda pa rin
charl: kumusta ka dyan? kumusta trabaho? may jowa kana?

mark: wala pa pero i'm working on that dont worry. HAHA

now asking him about his love life....
charl: sino dun? ung nakared o ung nakablack na nakacap?
mark: alin? huh? gnun na ba ako kadesperado?

charl: loka ka. i hate you! kala ko may pinopormahan ka na. alam ko kasi desperada ka na e.
mark: hahah hindi naman

charl: parang nung nag break kayo ni tato parang nawala ang talent mo
mark: hnd kc ikaw ang model

charl: nung ako nagmodel sa shots mo marami talaga ang naglike at nagcomment. ako ang pinakasuccessful sa mga kuha mo. alam mo un
mark: hahah. oo na ikaw na talaga

charl: thanks! tsaka mga theme mo ang babaw friend. parang nawala na ung kilala kong mark-ung maharot, lively at creative (konti lang).
mark: wala kc magandang lugar dito sa sudan

charl: kita ko mga pics niyo nina tato nung paalis kayo egypt ba't ganon,pumangit siya. napanot talaga siya no?

mark: iwaglit mo na nga yang name na yan! ayoko na marinig

charl: friend,may sasabihin ako. di ko alam kung dapat bang sbihin ko sayo.

mark: ano? sabhin mo na...

charl (Aug 26 11:52 PM): ang babuy mo dun sa picture colored na pants pa suot mo! nahiya naman daw ako!

mark: oo alam ko! hahah
charl: hindi!

mark: mali talaga ang outfit ko nun araw na yun.hahah
charl: eeeww friend. eto talaga totoo. may sasabihin ako.
mark: ano?

charl: friend,nagmessage kasi si j.b. saken...di friend. di ko na sasabihin sayo.
mark: ano? sabi?
charl: sabi mo nga pala ierase na name niya

mark: okay
charl: just think na wala akong sinabi sayo

mark: ngayon ibalik mo ulit.hahah.ewan ko syo. pasuspense ka nman. nakakinis!
charl:nagtanong kasi siya sayo.

mark: tapos? ano tinanong?
charl: ok lang ba syo na sabihin ko?

mark: oo sabhin mo na
charl: kasi kanina sinabi mo wag ko na siyang imention

mark: kaysa naman mag isip na nman ako ng magdamag.

charl: namputcha! tama talaga hinala ko e. hindi ka pa rin nakamove on! tinetest lang kita! gaga ka talaga!

mark: leche ka dami mo kaekekan!
charl: alisin mo nga siya sa buhay mo!
mark: tumaba ka sana ng bongang bonga!

charl: huli ka lang kamo!
mark: inalis ko na nga nohh
charl: asaness ka kasi

mark: tse!!!!
charl: loka ka na wow mali ka dahil umaasa ka pa rin

mark: hahah oo umaasa!
charl: hindi siya makakabuti sayo!
mark: pero not that much

charl: gaga ka talaga no? sabi ko na nga ba kakagat ka e. yaan mo na siya sa new zealand friend na maggatas ng mga baka dun. at ikaw, magbilang ka na lang ng butil ng buhangin diyan sa sudan.

charl: may work ka, at healthy ka, un ang importante. yaan na natin siya. hindi maganda ang may galit sa kalooban baka pumangit ka lalo.

mark: hahah. oo naman. mawawla din ito. it takes time.
charl: o zsa zsa padilla. matutulog nako. lagi na lang akong puyat

mark: wag na muna
charl: ayaw kong magaya sayo na natuyo haha.

mark: kaya ka tumataba tulog ka ng tiulog
charl: friend matutulog nako

mark: arte mo
charl: leche ka mahihiya ang mga cilia mo sa ilong nung nagkita tayo. defined na ang jaw line ko no. babye na. mag-iingat ka dyan. magcondom lagi

mark: defined pero lakas mo lumamon. hahahah
charl: maliligo lagi.
mark: gaga ka

charl: magpapalit nang panty at maghugas ng p****k. gumamit ng produkto ko- ph care

good night!

*photo taken here.

Friday, August 26, 2011

What Am I?

there are some people whose existence make you stop and ask yourself why.

why are they existing and why they should be in your life.

just like botcha girl/ double dip (in the sauce) who has mastered the art of pretending to be busy making reports when in fact, me and our supervisor collaborate to release the "masterpiece." sigh. she earns more than the three of the junior analysts but she delivers the least amount of work.

or the people who talk so loud and cannot modulate their voice. or those people who use vulgar language without considering that they are talking in such a loud volume. or those people who rule one place without having the skills to do so. or those people who are selfish and stops you from realizing what you are meant to achieve.

these people, exist in my world. everyday, they strike a certain part of me that tends to not mind their effects. i sometimes ignore them. sometimes i get angry and shut myself from them. sometimes i smile knowing that their folly will not last. sometimes i pray for i cannot handle it anymore.

to them, what am i?

Thursday, August 25, 2011


don't know what to blog.

but here's what happened to me:

passed the exam for advanced pathophysiology. played a domestic role last saturday and sunday. finished the audit. started making my report. made a big decision about what to do with this life of mine. started to believe that botcha girl is not existing in the office.

excited for the long weekend! hope i could finish my assignment for theories.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Two Yays


how was your monday? mine was okay. nothing really bad. except for botcha girl's double dipping in the ranch dressing for the mojos which automatically turned on my control.

not for the mojos but for dipping into that particular sauce. after two slices of pizza, i realized i was not yet full. i guess this is the effect of me not buying slices of pizza yesterday. indeed, i can never learn the value of delayed gratification.

moving on, i was late for 30 minutes today. i hate it. it meant no time to blog hop and to read senseless materials over the internet.

so the good employee was on and i was able to finish one report for this month. yay for me!

but wait there's more! i was able to control my temper over people who are inconsiderate and of which they exist just because they are destined to make me a better person! another yay for me!

two yays in a monday. keep it up!

Thursday, August 18, 2011


bloody greetings from the city of san juan!

if every time my brain encounters an ecg rhythm, i could just bleed. but good thing is, i am done with my advanced cardiac life support and i believe i passed.

there goes my convincing efforts.

after what, four years (?), my mind encountered again the challenges of accommodating so much information and be able to retrieve them at any given time. i was scared as hell again and had too much energy drink to keep me awake at 1:00 am and study until 6:00 am.

our group had the famous cardiologist in the hospital as our examiner. i had my moments being an employee of the institution despite my introduction as a non-bedside nurse. i think had the most number of questions tasked to identify the ecg rhythm displayed even if i had a bedside nurse working in our institution in our group.

after almost an hour, we finished the exam and i felt happy for myself.

now back at work, i kinda felt sad. depressed even. where did it come from? i guess from the fact that i am like a fish swimming in a dry land. i could swim but it is not my natural place.

how i am missing nursing.

*image taken here.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011



today is my first year anniversary at work! yay! it felt like it was so fast after all the events that led me here. disapproved for u.k. nursing registration after all other things were settled. friends leaving for work overseas. getting rejected at the local hospitals here. then this- a job.

there was no celebration and i did not even tell my office mates about it. it went like another day in the my simple life.

there is a reason for the simplicity of the day. aside from having no resources to light some fireworks and eating like there is no tomorrow, my mind is still being flexed.

i am taking my advanced cardiac life support training and it feels hell. again.

after last week, i thought it was not enough. and now, i kinda question that decision as supra-ventricular tachycardia and atrial fibrillation continue to make my brows meet.

when i went to egypt to work, i had no specialized training for the critical care unit. taking this training feels like a rewind of what i did there. it is weird. not to mention, it is one hell of a challenging class.

but, i am delighted. something is going on with my life.

for that, i am happy. happy anniversary to me.

Monday, August 15, 2011


cheap treats.

cheap haircut. cheap massage. cheap food. i'd say i am all abut cheap things in life. so yesterday, i was kinda hoping for a good experience from a cheap hair salon. i had a nice one before so, why not go again?

well, i learned my lesson the hard way. first, i had a different stylist. i believed that his work attitude was based on the premise that people who go to their salon do't tip. but, i do give ones. especially if i got a good service from them.

his way of moving my head was kinda strong that it appeared i was frequently moving. and stubborn. i hated him. they could not even open their fan to make me comfortable.

at that moment, i just wished that their place would close. and they be jobless.

i did not deserve that treatment but then again, this is what i get from cheap salons.

cheap service.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


seeing my classmates online was somehow an event i kinda dreaded.

not because i do not like them but it was just i was afraid of how i will behave towards them. me not like nonsense.

and loud. and posers.

in truth, i think i will be out of place with them since those guys are groupmates in one of our subjects. so there. (charo, don't tell them ok? haha)

so after my exam, just went to see my friend.

good times.


so hell week was done.

yesterday, had the two long exams for my masters. i don't know what my scores are but it was a "can't blame myself" feeling.

my right hand, is still stiff after writing for more than five hours. yes, exams were mostly essays integrating what was learned.

so i had a massage. and pedicure. and will have sundae later. plus haircut.

i guess i need some pampering after those grueling days of waking up early to read.

how was your weekend? hope all is well.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

P 500.00

ngayon ang huling gabi ni jonah sa bahay.

bukas, luluwas siya kasabay ko papuntang maynila para sabay-sabay sila ng kanyang mga kapatid pauwi sa mindanao.

malubha ang kanyang ama. sa tantya ko, tuluyan nang lumala ang tuberculosis ng kanyang ama. sumusuka na ng dugo at kailangan na nila ng mga donors para sa dugo.

mahirap kasi type ab ang kanyang ama at sa dami nilang magkakapatid, iisa lang ang kapareho niya ng blood type.

sa pag-uwi ni jonah, marami ang nagpadala sa kanya. mga damit, bag, pabango at kung anu ano pa. ang nakakatuwa, mula ito sa mga kamag-anak namin. hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibibigay ni muder sa kanya.

limang daan piso at ang pamasahe niya bukas ang tanging maibibigay ko sa kanya. sa sahod ko, ito lang ang makakaya ko para sa tulong na binigay niya sakin.

nagka-ayos din sila ng aking ina. dito sa bahay, alam mo na ang lahat ay malungkot sa pagkawala niya.

pero ang mas inaalala ni jonah, si candy:

wala ng mag-aayos ng buhok ni candy at ito, my dear friends, ang pinaka-challenging according to my mom.

on my part, mahihirapan ako sa mga damit. ayaw na ayaw ko kasing maglaba. pero bukod dun, tila mawawalan ako ng isang kapatid.

marami akong narealize.

una, health is wealth. ilang beses ko nang narerealize ito pero ayun, lumamon na naman ako ng daing, nilaga at taba ng talangka. wala na naman exercise. disciple charlton, discipline.

and self-control pala.

pangalawa, hindi naman siguro mahirap itali ang buhok ni candy. kaya naman siguro.

pangatlo, marami namang landry shops sa maynila.

panghuli, all good things come to an end.

simula bukas, dalawang upuan na ang bakante sa hapag-kainan: ang kay ate at kay jonah.

Friday, August 5, 2011


benj is still not talking to me.

at least in the way i think he would normally chat with me. no buzz. no hi. no mabu-mabu hey. just plain nothing on my work computer.

and it feels sad. depressing. at the same time, it feels weird. like tears are flowing if i ever lose my boo.

benj is really that important to me.

if you are reading this, forgive me benj. i am sorry.

Thursday, August 4, 2011


i can be really mean.

as in lindsay lohan type of meanness. for today, i have pointed the fact that botcha girl is irritating my precious ears so i told my boss that i am gonna plug earphones to cancel out noise.

then, there was benjie falling victim to my venom that is filled with sarcasm and unintended matter-of-fact attitude. i did not mean it and it was unintentional.

you see, our conversation usually goes like the conversation of amaya and marikit. something to that effect. his emotional and sensitive side was really unexpected today.

it must be the colds. or really, it must be my mean mouth.

this is not counting mark's experience of me hitting him with facts that he should have never stayed in a dead relationship.

oh what a mean day!


the stupid mouth was on a rampage today. worst, my very best friend is mad at me.

kill facebook. kill the comments section. this is me channeling christopher lao. blaming other people for their own faults.

Monday, August 1, 2011


crazy weekends.

so package was delivered to the relatives of my sister's colleague after waiting for him for two hours. spent another fortune for my fare going to the mall.

still telling myself that this is a good deed for people in need.

from that meeting, much time was spent for not doing my assignment. but anyway, i was able to finish it by lunch time today and i am quite happy with my work.

prioritize charlton.

now the main event of the weekend is not my mother's rants about finances or the challenges in life but jonah's decision to leave our house and go back to their home.

from what i heard, it started from an unanswered question. my mom asked her about something but she did not give any to my mom.

you all know my monster mom. she is something of a different breed. for that, i am not taking sides.

i just know how things are.

for over a month now, people close to me are leaving. there's mark. and sherwin. now, it is jonah.

i do not now exactly how long she has been working with us. it has been so long that i was still in college when she came to replace her sister. now that i am working after coming back to egypt and my brothers are done with college, i say approximately six years.

she was eighteen years old when she came. shy. unassuming. silent. to see her now would make you instantly recognize her growth.

when no one understands me in my family, jonah is that needed strength that seeks to tell me that she understands me. there are things in my life that my own family cannot even understand. only she can give me that push.

her advice that are prompted by his uncle directs my steps and decision-making. i am comfortable whenever i come home because of her.

my clothes are clean perfectly ironed. my room is clean and she takes care of candy like her daughter.

last night, i had a difficulty starting my assignment as sadness crept into my heart over her departure. i will miss her and the space that she will create once she leaves will be truly felt.

jonah, i pray for your father's recovery. should you decide to come back, we will gladly accept you.

let us just ignore vangie's ballistic mouth.