mahal ata ang pagmomove on.
today, i think i spent a lot trying to distract myself from feeling the pain of being heart broken. bumili ako ng mahusay na unan to make me sleep better at para mawala na ang pagnanasang may makayakap sa pagtulog. bumili rin ako ng dalawang pantalon dahil hindi na angkop ang sukat ng mga dati kong pantalon. sa wakas, nagbunga na rin ang aking paggym at hindi consistent na pagkain ng healthy. haha.
bumili rin ako ng beanie na kahalili ng bigay ni besty Matet. malapit na ang taglamig. kailangang warm and comfy. bumili rin ako ng bagong short na pangwork out at jogging pants na gagamitin ko sa pagpunta sa gym ngayong winter. bumili rin ako ng sapatos. sapatos na two-in-one na gusto ko, brogue na high cut perfect for winter!
in all these things, nakalimot ako kahit panandalian. hindi ko na siya tinext ngayon. tuwing alas nuwebe ng umaga, bumabati ako sa pamamagitan ng text ng good morning. may kasama pang smiley. maghihintay ako pagkatapos. madalas, pagsapit ng alas diyes y medya ng umaga siya sasagot ng good morning. mali, morning lang pala ang lagi niyang sagot.
sa mga nakaraang araw, nagiging mapakla ang sagot niya. disinterest at pagkauyam ang aking nadarama sa pagbasa ng mga text niya. at finally, ako na laging nagbibigay ng payo sa mga kaibigan tungkol sa pag-ibig ay nangailangan na ng payo. wag ko daw itext. hayaang madama niya ang aking pagkawala. pero, hindi ako nakatiis. tinext ko pa rin siya kahapon. at yun na nga, isang sampal ng kawalang gana sa pagsagot ang aking natanggap.
ang sakit.
masakit pala ang hindi pahalagahan ng isang tao na naging mahalaga na sayo. pero promise, hindi muna ako mamimili sa ngayon.
Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Diary Notes 002
dear diary,
sunday.
food. an opportunity. attending the party for one of my aunts was turned into a heated argument between me and my dad. i want to escape the small talks. the awkward moments when i am left with no one to talk with while all of my cousins laugh at some silly stories. i want to escape explaining to people why i am still here in the philippines when i should be working in the u.k. in the end, i was powerless and i was forced to attend.
what about the opportunity? well, i am thinking of applying as an au pair. like a caregiver or something because you can work in europe. that is like my ultimate dream! i should be in europe because i feel like i am a european in my past life. but, money is the problem and i really have to think about it. i guess this was the good part of attending the party. well, the lechon of course was a hit.
monday
data collection. as always. it is just that i do not like the idea of being rushed to do things. blame the boss haha.
my brothers were a bit annoying over the fact of having the refrigerator also coming with us when we move in to our new place. yes, we are moving out of the sauna-like room where we are staying in right now.
got money problems. i felt so poor as i do not have even five thousand pesos to spare for our deposit for our new place.
tuesday
i am just happy and blessed to have benj as my friend.
wednesday
came home late because i had to finish a report. geez! my boss should have informed us early on so i did not have to cram.
so what is for tomorrow? i only pray for good things...
sunday.
food. an opportunity. attending the party for one of my aunts was turned into a heated argument between me and my dad. i want to escape the small talks. the awkward moments when i am left with no one to talk with while all of my cousins laugh at some silly stories. i want to escape explaining to people why i am still here in the philippines when i should be working in the u.k. in the end, i was powerless and i was forced to attend.
what about the opportunity? well, i am thinking of applying as an au pair. like a caregiver or something because you can work in europe. that is like my ultimate dream! i should be in europe because i feel like i am a european in my past life. but, money is the problem and i really have to think about it. i guess this was the good part of attending the party. well, the lechon of course was a hit.
monday
data collection. as always. it is just that i do not like the idea of being rushed to do things. blame the boss haha.
my brothers were a bit annoying over the fact of having the refrigerator also coming with us when we move in to our new place. yes, we are moving out of the sauna-like room where we are staying in right now.
got money problems. i felt so poor as i do not have even five thousand pesos to spare for our deposit for our new place.
tuesday
i am just happy and blessed to have benj as my friend.
wednesday
came home late because i had to finish a report. geez! my boss should have informed us early on so i did not have to cram.
so what is for tomorrow? i only pray for good things...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Diary Notes 001
dear diary,
sunday
it was alright. church sermon was fine. i just hope i did not lose my temper over staying too long at my lola's house. i just felt out of place again. i slept my way through the morning after the breakfast that we had. the afternoon was spent on running around the house. it felt good. i really wanted to be skinny. and physically fit. i hope i can make it.
monday
it was all saints' day. as per family tradition, all of us had to go to the cemetery on both sides of my parents. i only have my grandma (mother side) who is well and alive. i was just a bit disappointed on my dad's decision to all do the visit on one day. last year, we went to the cemetery on the 31st of october to visit my dad's side so i was just a little sad since i had to go to manila on the same day in the afternoon.
morning was spent on my mom's side. we were early and so it was nice since there were only few people visiting. i was just uncomfortable with what i wore. saw my second cousins and i was not really happy meeting them. i don't know why. after the visit, had a great lunch at my grandma's house. sobrang baboy ko ulit.
the afternoon was entirely different. it was raining really hard and had difficulty in getting our things out of the car. my sister and i wanted to pay respect early on but my parents had other things in mind. in the end, i was so pissed because i was tired of carrying things from the cemetery to the car and the rain won't stop from destroying my day. the trip back to manila gave me inner peace. i was alone again.
tuesday
i was standing all day at work! i did data collection again for a study i cannot find the significance. it was all the idea of my supervisor. i can feel the tension now between me and my supervisor. good thing, i was away from the office the whole day and being with nurses and doctors made me feel comfortable. it was in this day that made me realize that i really love nursing.
wednesday
nothing significant. work is getting boring for me. tuesday's realization made me think of applying for a job again in egypt. but, i did not send my resume. still thinking. i felt that what i am doing right now does not contribute anything to me professionally.
thursday
sumabog nako sa supervisor ko. gagawa ng metrics ng hindi clear. ayaw ko ng paraan ng pakikipag-usap niya. hindi ngumingiti kapag nakikipag-usap samen o kahit sa area. hindi siya clear sa explanation niya and nag-assume na kung ano ang nasa isip niya e yun din ang nasa amin. nakakaasar! ang key results area ko hindi nasusunod to think wala akong formal trainig sa work. sabak ako agad sa mga studies. nakaka-asar lang dahil hindi siya kaaya-ayang katrabaho. why can't we have nice people at work? if all office mates are nice, then we can all be productive. i finally decided that i will stay in this position for a year. i have to lay out all the projects and do the things expected of me. i really miss nursing!
friday
work was a bit better because it was payday! yay! my mind was not at work. i was less productive. i have tried controlling my temper and had more patience while dealing with her. i was full of positivity!
saturday
spent mostly on bed sleeping after i took an anti-allergy medicine that made me drowsy. ate crabs, shrimps and okoy! for the win!
had a little argument with my brother and i wished that i can have my own room in manila. i am getting suffocated with conflicts between the two.
you know what, i feel like my life has been dying. i have no real friends whom i can talk to personally. i have no social life. i wake up to go to work and go home to sleep in preparation for another day at work. i have no hobby. i have no inspiration. i have no zest in life.
so what to do now? i feel like i do not have much of a choice but to deal with life's offerings. i know that people may say that all is up to me. a matter of perspective and making the right choices. i feel like i am powerless. i hope it will change.
so for now, you are my only friend, so stay with me diary.
always,
charl
sunday
it was alright. church sermon was fine. i just hope i did not lose my temper over staying too long at my lola's house. i just felt out of place again. i slept my way through the morning after the breakfast that we had. the afternoon was spent on running around the house. it felt good. i really wanted to be skinny. and physically fit. i hope i can make it.
monday
it was all saints' day. as per family tradition, all of us had to go to the cemetery on both sides of my parents. i only have my grandma (mother side) who is well and alive. i was just a bit disappointed on my dad's decision to all do the visit on one day. last year, we went to the cemetery on the 31st of october to visit my dad's side so i was just a little sad since i had to go to manila on the same day in the afternoon.
morning was spent on my mom's side. we were early and so it was nice since there were only few people visiting. i was just uncomfortable with what i wore. saw my second cousins and i was not really happy meeting them. i don't know why. after the visit, had a great lunch at my grandma's house. sobrang baboy ko ulit.
the afternoon was entirely different. it was raining really hard and had difficulty in getting our things out of the car. my sister and i wanted to pay respect early on but my parents had other things in mind. in the end, i was so pissed because i was tired of carrying things from the cemetery to the car and the rain won't stop from destroying my day. the trip back to manila gave me inner peace. i was alone again.
tuesday
i was standing all day at work! i did data collection again for a study i cannot find the significance. it was all the idea of my supervisor. i can feel the tension now between me and my supervisor. good thing, i was away from the office the whole day and being with nurses and doctors made me feel comfortable. it was in this day that made me realize that i really love nursing.
wednesday
nothing significant. work is getting boring for me. tuesday's realization made me think of applying for a job again in egypt. but, i did not send my resume. still thinking. i felt that what i am doing right now does not contribute anything to me professionally.
thursday
sumabog nako sa supervisor ko. gagawa ng metrics ng hindi clear. ayaw ko ng paraan ng pakikipag-usap niya. hindi ngumingiti kapag nakikipag-usap samen o kahit sa area. hindi siya clear sa explanation niya and nag-assume na kung ano ang nasa isip niya e yun din ang nasa amin. nakakaasar! ang key results area ko hindi nasusunod to think wala akong formal trainig sa work. sabak ako agad sa mga studies. nakaka-asar lang dahil hindi siya kaaya-ayang katrabaho. why can't we have nice people at work? if all office mates are nice, then we can all be productive. i finally decided that i will stay in this position for a year. i have to lay out all the projects and do the things expected of me. i really miss nursing!
friday
work was a bit better because it was payday! yay! my mind was not at work. i was less productive. i have tried controlling my temper and had more patience while dealing with her. i was full of positivity!
saturday
spent mostly on bed sleeping after i took an anti-allergy medicine that made me drowsy. ate crabs, shrimps and okoy! for the win!
had a little argument with my brother and i wished that i can have my own room in manila. i am getting suffocated with conflicts between the two.
you know what, i feel like my life has been dying. i have no real friends whom i can talk to personally. i have no social life. i wake up to go to work and go home to sleep in preparation for another day at work. i have no hobby. i have no inspiration. i have no zest in life.
so what to do now? i feel like i do not have much of a choice but to deal with life's offerings. i know that people may say that all is up to me. a matter of perspective and making the right choices. i feel like i am powerless. i hope it will change.
so for now, you are my only friend, so stay with me diary.
always,
charl
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