85: Shortened

Mukhang hindi na magtatagal ang aking pagpupuyat at pagiging on-call. I have decided that my current patient will be my last.  Tama na muna.  Magpapahinga muna ako.

Naconfirm ko rin kahapon ang ilang detalye sa pag-alis ko.  It seems that my 106 days of waiting and preparation are too many.   Mapapaikli ang lahat.  

For now, tiis muna sa pagpupuyat mula sa pagbabantay ng isang maysakit.  

80%

sa mga ipinasok ko na shift sa december, 80% toxic ako.

pacemaker insertion sa bedside na kailangan ng 18 times na x-ray. numerous arrest. cont. renal replacement. intubation. insertion ng central line. demanding na relatives. duty sa lahat ng christmas party.

i don't think magkakaroon pa ako ng energy para magsulat dito. idagdag pa ang pagsulit sa pagdating ni ate.

but, i am not complaining. this is just the story of my life for now.

Sun

summer is here.

Two Yays

hayee!

how was your monday? mine was okay. nothing really bad. except for botcha girl's double dipping in the ranch dressing for the mojos which automatically turned on my control.

not for the mojos but for dipping into that particular sauce. after two slices of pizza, i realized i was not yet full. i guess this is the effect of me not buying slices of pizza yesterday. indeed, i can never learn the value of delayed gratification.

moving on, i was late for 30 minutes today. i hate it. it meant no time to blog hop and to read senseless materials over the internet.

so the good employee was on and i was able to finish one report for this month. yay for me!

but wait there's more! i was able to control my temper over people who are inconsiderate and of which they exist just because they are destined to make me a better person! another yay for me!

two yays in a monday. keep it up!

Resurrected

after 50 years, i am back.

let me blame the i.t. department for doing their job very well. i could not blog anymore. to add, my broadband is not living to its hyped prowess.

now, i am here. no posts for five days.

i welcome myself back to the blogosphere.

Problems Included

i think this will be an encouragement and a warning as well.

work is almost done but my supervisor talked personally to botcha girl.

then 30 minutes passed, they got back in the office.

we had a feeling that it was the announcement of what awaits her with the continued substandard quality of work she gives.

i could not be happy knowing that it is bad news for her.

well, i somehow resented the work i was getting with her assignment getting less and less.

but with her pay much more than what i was earning.

then it hit me. a parable in the Bible told me that to whom who has more, much will be given and to the one who has less, what is left of her shall be taken as well.

are problems included?

Pagodness

magpapahinga lang.

i wanted to blog more about this day's events pero hindi ko na talaga kayang magkuwento.

be back tomorrow!

Tagay

nung isang gabi, i have wished a lot of ways kung pano mawala sa mundo ang mga nag-iinuman sa katabing unit ng tinitirahan namin. at 3:00 am, gising na gising pa rin ako habang pinakikinggan ang mga tawanan at asaran ng mga taong walang konsiderasyon sa mga naghahanapbuhay.

1.) earth opening up and swallowing them
iniiimagine ko ang lupa na biglang bubuka at lalamunin sila. nakakainis na kasi. maiintindihan ko pa kung hanggang alas dose.

2.) their vocal chords giving up and will experience paralysis on the upper body.
sigawan. kantyawan. pwede bang hinaan lang ng konti?

3.) aspiration by their own vomitus.

i was so helpless sa pagbalikwas sa kama while trying to find kung pano makatulog. bukod sa inis, i was just too tired from work. tuloy, kung anu ano na naisip ko.

bakit ba may mga taong walang paki kung nakakaperwisyo na sila? sabagay, mga lasing nga naman. ang problema lang kasi, ang good time nila e bad time ng iba.

nung isang araw, may nakita akong mga late twenties na patient sa ER. may bloody stools. may bleeding din ang lower gastrointestinal tract. pano nangyari? mula sa every other day daw na pag-inom ng alak. kung ano mang dahilan nila ng pag-inom ng ganon kadalas, hindi ko alam. nakakalungkot lang ang pagkasayang ng buhay.

so sa ganitong tema, naisip ko na okay na din ako na madalas, boring ang buhay. pero gusto ko rin naman ng konting kasiyahan.

tagay pa!

Summer

mainit na sa labas. though delayed ng konting araw, summer is here!

my office mates knew how to welcome it. our division head, isang supervisor at isang ioffice mate pa ay nagleave nung friday para magbakasyon.

ung isa sa boracay nagpunta. ung isa, sa coron sa palawan. ang pinakaboss naman namin ay nagpunta sa norte.

ako? umuwi ako ng pampanga. kumain ng mangga with bagoong. naginternet. nagjumping rope. at kumain na parang wala ng bukas. wala man akong pupuntahan this summer, alam ko na the time will come na makakapagbakasyon din ako like them.

in the mean time, iinom muna ako ng malamig na tubig to fight the summer heat.

Graduation

few minutes ago, my dad left for haiti.

after almost two years of waiting for work, he finally got one. for that, it is a special one but for us left here, another missed chance. by next month, my brothers will graduate from college.

when i graduated, he was not there. even when i passed the board exam, he was still absent. but now, not only my dad is absent but my sister will be missing the celebration. my brothers' graduation will mark a landmark of our lives- the end of paying for tuition fees.

in 2008, i felt how it was to leave home and to miss many events in the family. as an overseas worker, you are left to celebrate the moment only in pictures and stories. i guess my work here in the country provided me an opportunity to be in all those events.

the mindset in the family is that we went to college so we can work overseas. that is the big difference you will see among families with businesses. i do not blame my dad. it is how the system works for our family. through it, i was able to finish college and soon, all of my siblings will finish it as well.

now in the wake of numerous international events, the filipino worker is always affected. i just hope that one day, no dad will miss the graduation of his son.

Lesson

kagabi, nagtext si mama.

ano ba daw gagawin sa isang tuta naming naimpatso? kasi ang tiyan daw niya malaki tapos gumagalaw at matigas. pinakain daw kasi ng sobra sobra ng kasama namin sa bahay na si jonah.

pero, ano nga ba ang dapat gawin? ang alam ko gamot lang ang bibigay sa tao para gumaan ang pakiramdam. so sabi ko hindi ko alam.

ang sagot ni mama? parang tao lang naman yan a!

natigalgal lang naman ako dahil kahit parang tao yan, hindi naman pareho ang ating anatomy at physiology pero hindi ko na sinabi yon.

sa mga pinaggagawa ko pa naman ngayon, i feel like i am not a nurse anymore.

lesson of the day? alamin ang anatomy at physiology ng mga aso!

Bida

sa work, kailangan talaga na kumpleto ang cast like that of a movie. may supporting. may kontrabida. may bida.

kung alin ako sa tatlo, alam niyo na yon. ishashare ko lang naman ang kontrabida sa buhay ko dito sa work. iniisip niyo bang si botcha girl? puwes mali kayo dahil supporting lang siya. ang tunay at nag-iisang kontra sa buhay ko e ang aking supervisor.

sa dami ng mga pinapagawa at paraan ng pakikiusap, nahahigh blood ata ako. hays umentra na naman sa malikot kong isip na ako ay abusado. na ako ang biktima dito.

ganun ata talaga pag bida. at kung lahat ay mabait, hindi na ata work yun. libangan na pag ganun.

Putok

kung date ang nagdinner kayo ng isang tao, then kahapon, nakipagdate ako.

mga kaibigan, totoo po ito. hindi po kayo nagkakamali. ang lahat ay nangyari nang di inaasahan kaya hindi naging mahirap para matuloy.

bigla nalang siyang nagtext. ang taong nagpatibok ng puso ko at ang taong sumaksak nito. pero dahil ang drama ko sa buhay ay laging moving on, nakapagmove on na ako at wala ng hinanakit.

kumain kami sa mister kabab. we wanted to taste something arabic. in short, something na mabaho. pero bakit? was it a celebration sa pagkakaliberate ng egypt
ka mubarak? dahil ba nakalayas kami ng ehipto? o dahil hindi na kami matutuloy sa libya?

ewan. basta nabusog ako at nag-enjoy... asaness na naman kahit alam ko na hindi lang niya makasama ang kanyang minamahal dahil sa trabaho kaya ako ang sinama sa dinner.

oh well, we are friends. naging masaya naman ang kuwentuhan namen at we both feel the pains of being a nurse in the philippines.

last night was definitely something new. something na hindi ko usually ginagawa. thank God sa sahod na kakaunti at nakakain na rin ulit ako nito:



amoy putok man, nag-enjoy naman ako.

*photos taken here and here.

Desperado

march. another month and another set of days.

this month will mark my seventh month of employment here in my present work. parang ang bilis lang and with my bold decision to stay, everyday is like a new day for me.

may bagong positive outlook at may napakasipag na tono sa kilos.

ganito talaga kapag desperado at wala ng makapitan haha.

cheers!

Baboy

hello monday!

nung weekends, umuwi ako sa probinsya. para mag-isip. para magrelax. para magpakababoy sa kapampangan food. lahat naman ay nagawa ko. nakapag-isip nga ako. nakapagrelax. at higit sa lahat, nagpakababoy sa pagkain.

even if walang pera, nagawan pa rin ng paraan para magpakababoy. ang halos walang laman na ref ay nakapagdulot pa rin ng sobrang kabusugan sa aming pamilya.

sino ba ang mag-iisip na may financial crisis kami?

Carry On

and another one bites the dust.

there goes my dream for a fresh start. there. in the garbage bin. along with the dead people from the protests.

another failed bid to re-organize my life. another disappointment unforeseen. another face-palm moment. so hey, keep up the good work on me!

Winner

nakakapagod din pala yung lagi ka na lang nagsisimula. sabagay, bakit ka naman magsisimula ulit kung nagtapos ang isang bagay. sa bilang ko, lagi na lang akong nagsisimula and it comes to the point na parang nakakapagod na yung mag-uumpisa ulit.

i feel like i always belong to the exemption sa mga rules sa buhay. katulad na lang na kapag ang isang tao ay suwerte sa pag-ibig, malas siya sa pag-ibig at vice versa. kasi naman, hindi naman ako winner sa career at pag-ibig. parehong bokya ako.

as much as i can remember, ang mga dumb moments ko e dumb talaga. well, dumb nga naman. what im trying to say is that for those moments, ang hirap lang na intindihin how i came with those decisions.

so this is me, anxious and uncertain of tomorrow brought about the political struggle in middle east and some parts of africa.

cheers!

Patutsada

i just got shitted.

well, nadoble na kasi the first time i wrote this post, hindi pala siya napublish. and it was all because of botcha girl in the office. even if hindi siya nakaduty dahil naconfine ang kanyang bebe dahil sa kanyang kagagahan, nakaranas pa rin ako ng kanyang shittiness nang magpunta siya sa office.

everytime na magbibigay ako ng expert opinion (expert daw o) to her wishes, lagi na lang siyang nagpapasabog ng kagagahan. clearly, ayaw ko sa kanya. even my other office mates would second the motion sa kanyang pagiging shitty sa buhay.

so ayun, i will be counting the days na makakasama ko siya as i have filed nga my resignation. but, san ba ako patungo? abangan sa next post ko...

Donut

matagal na rin akong hindi nakakapagblog simula nang iblock ang blogspot sa office. at mula noon, maraming kaganapan sa buhay ang hindi ko pa naisusulat dito.

umalis na si ate papuntang qatar at ang bangayang kambal versus ako ay lalong tumitindi. sa trabaho, padami nang padami ang mga hinihinging reports at pinapagawang gawain ng aking boss habang si BOTCHA girl ay patuloy sa pagbibigay ng mga botchang incident reports results.

kakastress. mas nakakastress pa sa mga makikitid ang utak na tao na naniniwala na kapag feb. 14 ay dapat may kadate. talo din ang stress na naranasan ko habang nanonood ng volleyball games sa arena kahapon.

so hello monday! salamat sa isang same old brand new day. buti nalang at may dalang krispy cremes ang aking boss.

Second Home

It was 2008 when I left for Egypt. Jobless for more than a year, the chance to work did not give me doubts to work in a foreign land. I was always asked if Egypt was safe. The answer was always a strong yes.

Though three years have passed, my heart still beats for Egypt. I will always be thankful for Egypt. It was in this place that I had my first experience working. As a nurse and as an overseas worker. My stay in Egypt gave me a lot of first that are imprinted in my personality.

The things that are happening back there make me sad. However, I really feel that they need to undergo this transition. It is just that, it needs to be done peacefully. My friends are still there. Filipinos or Egyptians, they are all my friends and even if my time with my former employee was not really easy, I still do care for them.

My thoughts and prayers for you Egypt.