Short

hindi ako aabot.  hindi rin ako aalis this month.  there, i said it.

thanks to ryan, i got the one thing that i need right now- the painful dose of reality that i will not celebrate my birthday in another country  and for that, i feel for my parents.  again.  i feel like their hopes are being crushed again and again sa mga paasang pangyayari sa buhay ko.

i know hindi naman final to as compared dun sa nangyari sakin before.  it can be solved.  it is just that nagmamadali siguro ako and that i'd like to take these matters in my own time frame.  medyo excited siguro to experience new things but the timing is not right pa.   

i'll wait.  i will grab the chance to learn new things.  i'll continue swimming.  i'll probably work as a reliever for private duty nurses so i will still have an income.  then, i might travel to a new place kapag may konting naipon but i will definitely enjoy my birthday here...

28th on the 28th

happy birthday to me! yay!

well, i could call this day as the most boring birthday celebration ever. boring in the sense that i just stayed home and slept for most of the day. no big celebration and no drinking session. but hey, i was able to have dinner with my family so i can cross out that wish on my list.

today, i decided that i need to have a tradition. something that i will have to do each birthday. so now, i am making my life list for 2013-2014.

1. learn how to swim
2. pass the ielts
3. save!
4. travel to 3 new places
5. reach ideal body weight and maintain it thereafter
6. be an expert in ecg reading
7. celebrate my birthday in a different country
8. and the most difficult to achieve, meet my life partner.

goodluck to number 8. there you go, year 28!

Getting Old

few days from now, i am turning a year older. believe it or not, minsan, nalilito pa rin ako kung ilang taon na ako. 27 or 28 na nga ba? basta. minsan, i have to subtract the year that i was born to 2013. i feel like i stopped giving attention to my age but when my birth date is few days away, i get nostalgic and begin to feel old.

old kasi malapit na akong magthirty and in truth, i feel like i have not reached anything. yet.

well, that could stem from my point of reference. kung icocompare ko ang career path ko towards my friends na hindi naman nurse, madidisappoint talaga ako. or ang personal life ko naman sa mga nagpakasal, nagpapakasal, nagkaanak at magkaanak, i just have to think of my salary and okay na ang lahat. may justification na ako.

three things: ang aking AWOL na sa tantya ko ay magdudulot ng repeating the course sa aking master's degree, ang aking failed effort para maging fit at ang makahanap ng partner sa buhay. mga bagay na kumukurot sa puso ko.

sh*t, ang drama ko lang. pero sige. dahil malapit na nga ang birthday kaya siguro nagiging melodramatic ako.

bilang napagdesisyunan ko dati na babaguhin ko ang aking pananaw sa buhay, i have to be positive. kailangang magpasalamat sa kung anong meron ako.

i have to admit, mas na-appreciate ko ang family ko ngayon. same with my health and my work. these are true signs na tumatanda na ako but i am loving it.

kahit wala akong pera sa birthday, sige lang. i know my birthday next year will be better and bigger than ever.

Established in 1973

as i type this, i have been asking myself the direction that my life is taking right now.

unfinished assignments. incomplete school requirements. frequent internal whining at work. intense desire to leave the country.

there is this unrest in my heart that makes me question what i want in life.

i guess, your example should put me where i want to be- contented and at peace for you have gone to where your heart is.

happy birthday! cheers!

The Ninth Month

september went so fast. i hope these pictures would be enough to tell my stories...

practicum. birthday. inang's event. sleepovers.

thank you september!

Kenny Rogers

2006

bagyong milengyo. brownout at maulan. bukod pa dyan ang malakas na hangin na muntik nang maglipad sa bubong ng mga kapitbahay ni weng. sa bahay ako nun ni weng. dun ako nagcelebrate ng birthday. hindi ko makakalimutan dahil sa bagyo. oh well, madalas, may bagyo naman sa birthday ko kaya nga nung 7th birthday ko, walang party na naganap. pano ang baha e abot hanggang baywang noon.

ang handa ko e masarap na lucky me pancit canton at monay galing julie's bakery. basa pero meaningful. at least, hindi ako nag-iisa sa birthday. may bisita naman ako nun. si tin. haha. good times. bakit ba kasi pag september maulan.

2007

paalis si daddy papuntang uganda. busy dahil biglaan ang alis niya. sa sobrang biglaan, nakalimutan ng mga magulang ko na birthday ko pala. nagbiyahe kami papuntang airport. yun lang. nakakapagod. special pa rin naman dahil sobrang daming naganap sa taon na to. graduation. board exams.

ang handa ko e doughnut habang kumakain sa bus. hindi naman maulan sa taong ito. mainit pa nga.

2008

sa egypt na to. mag-iisang buwan sa ccu. ang eksena? toxic sa patient. dahil hindi pa marunong ng pamatay na diskarte, 630 pm na nakapaglunch. ang patient ay totoong napakadiwara. maangal at madaming kahilingan sa buhay.

bago ako bumaba para magbreak, nabigyan ako ng 100 pounds haha. regalo? siguro natunugan niya na birthday ko. pangkain din ito at panggrocery. habang mag-isa akong kumakain ng matabang na pasta at chicken fillet, tumabi sa upuan ang isang pinoy nurse. kinumusta ako at hindi ko naiwasan na ilabas ang sama ng loob at katoxican ko sa duty. at the end ng break, bumalik ako nang may ngiti sa labi kahit nagsimulang magdirawa ulit ang matandang pasyente.

walang handa sa bahay at walang celebration. bagsak agad sa kama sa sobrang pagod.

2009

maitim. payat. ito ang itsura ko pero sa totoo lang, masaya ako sa mga panahong ito. katatapos lang ng isang linggong paglalakbay sa egypt at pagbalik ko, apat na araw na lang at uuwi na ako ng pilipinas. hindi na ako babalik sa egypt.

walang pera dahil sa paglalakbay kaya't isang simpleng salu-salo na lang ang naisip ko. ang baked macaroni ni mark at lumpiang shanghai. yun lang. sama na rin despedida ko dito. pero ang mas masaya dito e yung celebration ko sa little buddha sa sharm el sheikh ng red sea. sa isang resto-bar kasama ang mga bagong kaibigan.

bagong kahulugan ng kasiyahan.

2010

nasa trabaho pero hindi kaharap ang makulit na pasyente. kasama ko ang mga bagong office mates. simple lang ang araw ko. walang magarbong selebrasyon. masaya dahil sa mga taong naka-alala at sa mga taong nagbigay panahon para bumati. naramadaman ko ang saya ng isang taong maraming nagmamahal. walang handa pero sagana sa pagmamahal.

thank You Lord!

Birthday Prayer

life coming to a point of remembering its culmination is a glorious and meaningful event. today, it is my 24th birthday.

i didn't want to be melodramatic or succumb to a mellow mood. i should be happy because first and foremost, i have reached another year of blessings and goodness. second, i am going home amidst all doubts and fears. third, i just came from an extraordinary tour around egypt. i say the best gift i have received so far.

with my departure in egypt coming so fast, i started fixing my things. i chanced upon my old pictures and a smile came into my face as i saw how plump i was before. gosh, egypt has done a lot for me-some good and some bad.

sometimes, i don't want the kind of life i have but indeed, God is really intelligent. i now appreciate my life better. i see it in a different light.

God, thank you so much for the life that i have. all that i have and all that i am, are because of You. thank you for the challenges that came my way and thank you for the guidance you have provided to make me overcome those difficulties. thank you for opening my eyes to reality and making me act instead of closing again my eyes and forget what i saw. thank you for the courage always ready to push me. thank you for my family who is always supporting me. thank you for the friends that i have, the mentors, colleagues and for the random people who make my life special and meaningful.

thank you for the chance to be here in egypt. thank you for making me experience a lot of things both good and bad. thank you for the realizations that i have made through your intervention in my life.

help me to become a blessing for the people that i meet and for the people that i have in my life. continue your work in me o Lord. thank you and to You i trust my life. Amen.

The Pursuit for Life Turns One

nakaisang taon na pala ang blog ko. parang kelan lang nung simulan ko ito out of my curiosity and wanting na ilabas ang nararamdaman ko.

ito ang naging saksi ng mga paghihirap ko sa pag-aaply sa pinas at egypt, sa mga nakakarinding pag-iingay ng nanay ko, sa pagsisimula ko sa ccu, sa mga bagong napuntahan at nakilala.

last april 27, ito ang unang kaarawan mo. ito ang unang pagkakataon na nabuhay ako sa blogosphere. masaya at masarap kasi may ibang mundo ka na magagalawan kapag nabuburyong ka na sa totoong buhay.

sana lang e maipagpatuloy ko ang blog na ito habang nagpapatuloy ako sa aking pursuit for life...