Monday, December 17, 2018

Day 1

It has been more than a year since my last post.  Marami na ang nangyari- may masaya at may malungkot.

Pero, may mga bagay na nanatili pa rin.  I am still single and still in pursuit for life.  Still overweight and in debt.  Still yearning to be the best without making much effort.

Nasa London na ako ngayon.  After nearly four years, nilisan ko na ang Cambridge which has been my home.  Mahirap to leave friends and to leave the workplace you have come to know.  However, things have changed.  I hope to tell your more of the reasons why I moved to London.

For now, let me write about starting Day 1 of the rest of my life.  I am hoping to chronicle how my life progresses in this new city.  Kasama na ang career, love life at mga ambisyon.  Kasama na ang mga katangahan, mga pangamba, mga bagong karanasan at mga bagong aral sa buhay.

Day 1 will be all about mindset and the mentality change. Tomorrow will be a change of how I see life and how I will want it to be.  I will affirm myself of what I am and what I can become.  I think I was too defeated mentally in that walang drive and motivation.  In part, masyado ata akong stimulated by social media na wala akong time for mindfulness and dream.

So bukas, I will start by meditating and praying.  I-aafirm ang sarili na greater things are in store for me...  That change is coming.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Hope

 

May 20, 2017 Cambridge
Minsan, kailangan mo'ng ituon ang iyong pansin sa hindi nakikita agad.  Lagpas sa mga harang. Lagpas sa mga bagay na nasa harapan mo.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Babaw

have you ever felt that you have become shallow?

i did.

it happened two weeks ago after i sent a message to one of my friends who was online.  we said hi and hello.  then i started whining about my conquest for that one great love.  of finding a caucasian to fill that need.

it was my turn to ask him how he was doing when he said something about himself.

i felt like i was slapped to wake up from becoming shallow.  here i am complaining about my luck in dating when a friend is facing a real challenge.

how often do we complain about our situation?  do we ever get to pause and think deep to realise that we are still blessed?


Sunday, April 9, 2017

Indiana Jones

inindyan ako,

nagluto ako ng noodles, bumili ng wine at naglinis ng room.  bumili pa ako reed diffuser para mabango ang kuwarto.

as i type this, lagpas alas otso na ng gabi.  nagugutom na at magisa sa bahay.  after exerting effort for this date, nauwi lang pala sa wala,

sa nakalipas na mga buwan na wala ako dito, okupado ng trabaho, online dating and paminsang minsan na pagpunta sa gym.  inuubos ang oras sa trabaho o di kaya sa mga gawaing bahay.

ang buhay nga naman ng isang OFW.

so, kakain ako kasama ang aking housemates.  bubuksan ang bote ng wine at sisikaping huwag ubusin.

paalam muna.  marami ang susunod.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Tamad

for someone who thought has figured out his life, i thought everything was in accordance to my plan.  hindi pala.  things happen.  

you wanted change and it happened.  suddenly, you felt like that change has put you into an unfamiliar territory.  hindi yata ako nakapaghanda sa mga pagbabago.  i think i am depressed clinically.

nawalan ako ng motivation.  sa buhay, sa career, sa fitness at sa buhay pag-ibig.  i could not be bothered to clean my room.  or ayusin man lang ang mga documents.  hindi ko rin maituloy ang pagbabasa ng mga books about nursing.

i stopped my gym membership.  masyadong magastos.  i have not been into a date.  like in ages.  pumapalya pa ang pagyoyoga.  alam kong tapos na ang quarter life crisis ko pero ang aga naman ata ng midlfe crisis.

eto pa, nagbirthday ako two weeks ago.  i was working.  so walang formal celebration.  kumain lang tapos yun na.   what a contrast from a year ago when i had friends coming for my party.  this year wala.

but i am hoping this will all change soon.  so i am making this post dahil masyado nang matagal na wala akong post.

will try to write more...

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Careless

nagmadali akong nagpedal ng bike ko.  umabot naman ako sa train station.  exactly thirty seconds bago umalis ang train, nakasakay na ako.  pawis at pagod, napangiti ako.  i barely made it pero ok lang.

i had a great plan of what i need to do this day.  gumising ng maaga, ayusin ang dadalhin pati na ang pagkain.  may checklist din ako ng documents.

naging maayos naman ang biyahe ko papunta ng london.  i have followed what i researched.  ang mga stops pati na ang oras ng biyahe, natumbok ko lahat.  habang papalapit na ako ng next train station, inalala ko ang mga dinala ko.

bigla aking nanlambot,  nanlumo ako sa aking pag-alala ng mga dinala.  nakalimutan ko ang passport!  sa lahat pa naman ng mga dapat dalhin, iyon pa ang aking nakalimutan.  bumaba ako sa next station at umuwi na ng cambridge.

inisip ko, paano ko nga ba nakalimutan iyon?  

naalala ko, minarkahan ko lang ang checklist without putting my passport.  nakadagdag din ang kanyang balot na pinagawa ko pa sa thailand.  hindi ko talaga siya nalagay sa bag ko.

umiyak ako.  nagmukmok sa katangahan.  

pero sabi nga ni jake, tumayo ka diyan at maglakad.  magliwaliw at alisin ang panlulumo sa isang bagay na hindi mo na maibabalik.

at heto, nasa coffee shop ngayon at nagpapainit sa tulong ng kape.  another day and another lesson learned.

Friday, July 1, 2016

Mixed

june, i have mixed feelings towards you.

you were great for i had a great time back home.  i spent time with my family and friends.  i travelled to new places and experienced new things.  

you were rude to me for you made me realise that in life, nothing is permanent.  as soon as vacation ended, demands from work and from transitioning to an agency nurse to permanent staff kicked in.  moved house and until now, i am still sorting out my things.

but as you made me see it, all these things will come to pass.  this waiting for a change of assignment.  this seemingly-endless completion of requirements.

goodbye june.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

In a Rut

for two weeks now, i have been struggling to practice yoga.  it seems that i can only practice it when i am at the shala.

same with working out at the gym.  it is only when i have a session with sam that i can finish a full work out.

stress?  could be.  from looking for a house to move in before june, to fixing some documents, to packing my things and those that i will bring home.  everything demands of my time and energy.

so i stop.  i get frustrated and spend most of time doing and thinking about nothing.  it is like i am going to a process of slow decay physically and intellectually.

there is no passion.  or excitement that would make me want to start the day right away.

perspective and inner motivation- these are the things that i need at the moment.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Pasyon de Amor

i could say that i have finally found a passion in ashtanga yoga.  its beauty has put me in a state where i have never been...

today, greg nardi came for a mysore session.  the experience was just so lovely that i am still smiling at this moment.  i was also able to talk to my fellow students who have been practising yoga for a very long time.  

i have never been active when i was young.  sports was something my parents thought of as a hindrance to being great at school.  i did not have the means to engage myself into activities that i would love to try.  so this is me being grateful for where i am now and for what i can do.