Monday, May 22, 2017

Sunday, May 21, 2017



May 20, 2017 Cambridge
Minsan, kailangan mo'ng ituon ang iyong pansin sa hindi nakikita agad.  Lagpas sa mga harang. Lagpas sa mga bagay na nasa harapan mo.

Saturday, April 22, 2017


have you ever felt that you have become shallow?

i did.

it happened two weeks ago after i sent a message to one of my friends who was online.  we said hi and hello.  then i started whining about my conquest for that one great love.  of finding a caucasian to fill that need.

it was my turn to ask him how he was doing when he said something about himself.

i felt like i was slapped to wake up from becoming shallow.  here i am complaining about my luck in dating when a friend is facing a real challenge.

how often do we complain about our situation?  do we ever get to pause and think deep to realise that we are still blessed?

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Indiana Jones

inindyan ako,

nagluto ako ng noodles, bumili ng wine at naglinis ng room.  bumili pa ako reed diffuser para mabango ang kuwarto.

as i type this, lagpas alas otso na ng gabi.  nagugutom na at magisa sa bahay.  after exerting effort for this date, nauwi lang pala sa wala,

sa nakalipas na mga buwan na wala ako dito, okupado ng trabaho, online dating and paminsang minsan na pagpunta sa gym.  inuubos ang oras sa trabaho o di kaya sa mga gawaing bahay.

ang buhay nga naman ng isang OFW.

so, kakain ako kasama ang aking housemates.  bubuksan ang bote ng wine at sisikaping huwag ubusin.

paalam muna.  marami ang susunod.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016


for someone who thought has figured out his life, i thought everything was in accordance to my plan.  hindi pala.  things happen.  

you wanted change and it happened.  suddenly, you felt like that change has put you into an unfamiliar territory.  hindi yata ako nakapaghanda sa mga pagbabago.  i think i am depressed clinically.

nawalan ako ng motivation.  sa buhay, sa career, sa fitness at sa buhay pag-ibig.  i could not be bothered to clean my room.  or ayusin man lang ang mga documents.  hindi ko rin maituloy ang pagbabasa ng mga books about nursing.

i stopped my gym membership.  masyadong magastos.  i have not been into a date.  like in ages.  pumapalya pa ang pagyoyoga.  alam kong tapos na ang quarter life crisis ko pero ang aga naman ata ng midlfe crisis.

eto pa, nagbirthday ako two weeks ago.  i was working.  so walang formal celebration.  kumain lang tapos yun na.   what a contrast from a year ago when i had friends coming for my party.  this year wala.

but i am hoping this will all change soon.  so i am making this post dahil masyado nang matagal na wala akong post.

will try to write more...

Wednesday, July 13, 2016


nagmadali akong nagpedal ng bike ko.  umabot naman ako sa train station.  exactly thirty seconds bago umalis ang train, nakasakay na ako.  pawis at pagod, napangiti ako.  i barely made it pero ok lang.

i had a great plan of what i need to do this day.  gumising ng maaga, ayusin ang dadalhin pati na ang pagkain.  may checklist din ako ng documents.

naging maayos naman ang biyahe ko papunta ng london.  i have followed what i researched.  ang mga stops pati na ang oras ng biyahe, natumbok ko lahat.  habang papalapit na ako ng next train station, inalala ko ang mga dinala ko.

bigla aking nanlambot,  nanlumo ako sa aking pag-alala ng mga dinala.  nakalimutan ko ang passport!  sa lahat pa naman ng mga dapat dalhin, iyon pa ang aking nakalimutan.  bumaba ako sa next station at umuwi na ng cambridge.

inisip ko, paano ko nga ba nakalimutan iyon?  

naalala ko, minarkahan ko lang ang checklist without putting my passport.  nakadagdag din ang kanyang balot na pinagawa ko pa sa thailand.  hindi ko talaga siya nalagay sa bag ko.

umiyak ako.  nagmukmok sa katangahan.  

pero sabi nga ni jake, tumayo ka diyan at maglakad.  magliwaliw at alisin ang panlulumo sa isang bagay na hindi mo na maibabalik.

at heto, nasa coffee shop ngayon at nagpapainit sa tulong ng kape.  another day and another lesson learned.

Friday, July 1, 2016


june, i have mixed feelings towards you.

you were great for i had a great time back home.  i spent time with my family and friends.  i travelled to new places and experienced new things.  

you were rude to me for you made me realise that in life, nothing is permanent.  as soon as vacation ended, demands from work and from transitioning to an agency nurse to permanent staff kicked in.  moved house and until now, i am still sorting out my things.

but as you made me see it, all these things will come to pass.  this waiting for a change of assignment.  this seemingly-endless completion of requirements.

goodbye june.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

In a Rut

for two weeks now, i have been struggling to practice yoga.  it seems that i can only practice it when i am at the shala.

same with working out at the gym.  it is only when i have a session with sam that i can finish a full work out.

stress?  could be.  from looking for a house to move in before june, to fixing some documents, to packing my things and those that i will bring home.  everything demands of my time and energy.

so i stop.  i get frustrated and spend most of time doing and thinking about nothing.  it is like i am going to a process of slow decay physically and intellectually.

there is no passion.  or excitement that would make me want to start the day right away.

perspective and inner motivation- these are the things that i need at the moment.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Pasyon de Amor

i could say that i have finally found a passion in ashtanga yoga.  its beauty has put me in a state where i have never been...

today, greg nardi came for a mysore session.  the experience was just so lovely that i am still smiling at this moment.  i was also able to talk to my fellow students who have been practising yoga for a very long time.  

i have never been active when i was young.  sports was something my parents thought of as a hindrance to being great at school.  i did not have the means to engage myself into activities that i would love to try.  so this is me being grateful for where i am now and for what i can do.  

Monday, April 25, 2016

Ekam Inhale

in ashtanga yoga, you will have to wait before you can progress to another pose.  my teachers say that your body will tell you when you are ready.  as my practice is changing, so is my body.  there is no need to hurry for your practice is a journey.

it has been three months now since i committed myself to practice ashtanga yoga for at least three times a week. there were days when i was so lazy to wake up before 6:30 am to practice in the shala.  there were days when my body is just so tight and sore from going to the gym.  looking back, my form is getting better and there is more fluidity in how i practice it.  i still get breathless and i still pause from time to time.

last saturday, my teacher told me to just stop to what they taught me and go to the finishing sequence.  in my mind, i wanted to do more.  i wanted to do more poses.  however, it is not yet time.  my body is still not ready.

how many times in the past do we rush ourselves for some things in life?  career choices.  relationship status.  decisions.  we are often desiring to accomplish and achieve more in life at the expense of our health and happiness.

as with ashtanga, we need to breath.  we need to do it in order and in a system.  we need to listen to our bodies.  we need to wait.