Eat

Sit

Win

Play

Walk

Jump

Kris and Ai-Ai

september 2009.

bubot. medyo chubby. excited na magkatrabaho. saktong sakto ang dating ko sa egypt. that time, gusto ko lang magtrabaho mula sa halos mag-iisang taon na pagiging tambay.

feu grad din. tahimik. mukhang takot saken. ni ayaw akong kausapin. pero bakit?

so hindi na ako nagpumilit na makipagclose sa kanya. pero, nagbago ang lahat ng wala na siyang makasama sa critical care unit. at dahil natural ang pagiging ambisyoso ko, sumama ako ng hindi alam ang naghihintay samen sa ccu.

unang linggo. hindi pa gaanong close. tahimik siya at mukhang iwas sa pakikipag-usap ngunit dahil kami lang dalawa ang pinoy, no choice na siya.

nung mag-iisang buwan, nagsimula kaming maging close. friend ang tawagan namen. lagi man kaming magkasama sa shift, lagi naman kaming magkalayo sa unit. magkabilang dulo. kapag may parehong hindi alam, nagdadasal kami na sana may tumulong. kung toxic ang isa, pumupuslit kung sino ang hindi toxic para tumulong.

isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako nakatagal ng isang taon sa egypt. sa lahat ng hirap, andun siya. sa lahat ng kalokohan niya, sinasama niya ako. kagaya nalang ng talakan niya ang isang senior samen at dinamay ako. nafrustrate ako dahil ayaw ko ng gulo.

sa huli, pinarealize niya saken na kailangan kong manindigan at maki-anib sa kung sino ang tunay na kaibigan.

magaling siyang magluto. kakaiba ang taste. paborito si regine velasquez at kris aquino na pareho kong ayaw. pero pareho kaming mahilig mang-okray haha. matapos ang ilang buwan, iniwan ko siya sa egypt. sa totoo lang, namiss ko siya though nung mga huling araw ko sa egypt, baliw na baliw siya sa kanyang boyfriend at parang nakalimutan ako.

nung lunes, nagkita kami ulit. wala pa rin pagbabago samen. nagbabatuhan pa rin ng panlalait at kung anu ano pa. ginugulat ko sa mga forbidden questions.

walang pagbabago. buo pa rin ang magfriendship.

Sabel, This Must Be Love!

I would often call her Judy Abbott. Her curly hair would sometimes stand sideward. Hence, the name of the cartoon character.

She has these amazing expressive eyes that we always tell her that her exotic looks would make any Caucasian guy crazy for her.

Most of the time, she is stuck with the demands of life. I call her always as the absent-minded friend that I always had. But, she is funny. Even without trying to be.

As her friend, I had the privilege of making her life real- by making it miserable. I would always hit her with my in-your-face comments and smack her for falling head over heels for a random guy (‘cause I am that great as a friend).

I do it because I care for her. But, no more worries now, folks!

Because today, she is going to Saudi for work. And I just learned about it last night! With that, there was no way for me to give bullsh*t on why I should attend her despedida. I just had to or else, I will wait for two years before I can savor the moment when her face turns red after making her so wretched in embarrassment.

That is how I love this friend of mine.

In all these years that I have known her, she has made me sit and watch her teach me a lesson about humility, patience, perseverance and of course, falling in love.

As I assume my importance in this world, she silently established herself. No overestimation. No false modesty. She just keeps it real.

As I get frustrated with life, she is there showing me that the road ahead is not that all scary. She keeps her head up and prays for good things to come.

As I get cynical about love, she is there showing me the highs and lows of being eaten whole by that four-letter word.

And as I grieve for the departure to greener pastures of another friend, she is there telling me that sooner or later, my time will come.



We will miss you Sabel…

Happiness Realized

happiness is in my heart today.

i got to see some old friends and meet new friends. went malling until i was dead tired from window shopping and finally ended the day by hearing a mass from a nearby church.

i may be single but whenever i am with my friends, i feel life is complete with them.

i may be poor but i am healthy. i am able to function properly.

i may be a sinner but i feel His love flowing.

and it all started with me attending a christening of poan's son. and not making expectations that can cloud my curious heart. i talked a lot and i opened to other people.

i never knew this could be so much fun...

thank You Lord! now i am ready to work tomorrow...

Happiness

busy mom asked me if i was ever happy in my life.

in that very moment, nodding in agreement was not enough to the truth that my life has mirrored in the previous months. i was never happy for most of the times. for sure there were those moments with benj, karen and the rest of the gang but at the end of the day, loneliness and sadness creep into the patches of my soul. separation anxiety? probably. that is why at times, i bailed out on some night outs just because i would rather be sad now than be sad later.

the idea that i am no good also adds up to that thick envelope of me being a total failure. and in that, there is no reason to be happy. i also remember this philosophy that i have: do not be too happy for sadness comes along with it. so whenever i feel really happy, i pinch and control myself from being too happy.

last week has been very good.

i got a job now. i will be starting on the 16th of this month and i am having cold feet. everything will be new so i am really out of my comfort zone and that scares me to death. a comfortable one but nevertheless not a nursing job, i had thoughts of uncertainty regarding my future. until poan, ryan, nam, carlo, pau and practically all of my trusted friends repeatedly told me that i have to be open for opportunities not limiting the wonderful me with pure nursing work.

no more rushing things. no more over thinking. no more wild imaginations. just accepting what i have right now. just maximizing what was given to me. just trying to be more positive.

then i met some of those people who keep me sane- my college barkada (frends)! two years in the making, nothing was changed.


two years ago, this is how we looked like.

we are still the same. silly. funny. caring. all nurses and all there to reminisce the past and celebrate our friendship. so we dined. watched our school win at a ball game. talked some. sang our hearts out at a bar. did some damage with our liver by drinking booze. talked some more. photo session in every minute. and talked till the wee hours of the morning.











i laughed loudly. and convincingly. i did not reserve anything for my friends not to hear about my life. i shouted every time our team got to shoot the hoops and i booed the opposing team every time theirs did the magic for them. i jumped when they got to steal some balls from them and i marveled with how our cheer dance squad performed. i sang like i was in the bathroom. i drank booze like it was the first time. i danced a bit and for a minute, did not care about anything but being happy

so now, i am happy. truly happy and would like to leave it this way till the new chance comes along.

Endangered

i think i was in the sixth grade when i first met her. she was from a private school. well, she beat me for the little mayor and all other available positions. i was socially awkward while she presented herself as everybody's friend. so, i ended getting the position of being the little municipal planning and coordinating officer while she was the little first councilor. i thought her voice was atrocious. the one that appears to be impossible to modulate even if she speaks in lower decibels. simply call, the palengkera voice.

well, she is a palengkera in reality. her parents were able to send all four of them in college by being guagua's vegetable dealer. whenever she has no classes, she helps her mom sell vegetables even if she has to wake up at three in the morning. at times when we go home late from a night out with friends, she will always remind us that she still needs to help her mom. respectful, understanding and a kind heart. but i didn't know her that way before. the talkative side of her made me scoff at her presence and few years later, this would be one of my biggest regrets.

come high school, i was one of the new kids in her school. i hated their school for they were in private and i was in public elementary schools. it was normal i tell you but all things changed when i have to be in the school i hated. of course, she was confident along with her other classmates. i was new and not accustomed to the environment. but i survived. even managed to be at the top ten and eventually made me a little bit superior of her as i would like to believe.

by the second year in high school, we were classmates. she was in the second section during the freshman year while i was at the pilot section. of course! just then, i thought she might not be that bad as a classmate. yes she is talkative but not really in the annoying manner. so i did my own thing and moved on. we talked but not really gotten to know her very well.

i was elected president of the class when i reached junior year. but i declined because i knew, a lot of work will be expected from me. and i did not want that as i have to focus on my studies being consistent on the top ten. jon had to take the position then but as the always first honor and the next editor-in-chief of the school news organ, he too had to beg off. so she had no choice but to take the responsibility that was refused by the two of us.

as the "panakip-butas," she had to work hard. she had to prove that she can do it. being the last choice meant differently for her. it meant that she is as good as the first choice. so she did prove to everybody. of course i felt guilty whenever she will cry in front of the class for being fed up with our classmates not cooperating for every class endeavor. she will always say that it was because she was just the last option that nobody respects her. to this, i felt that i had to do even a little part in making her work lighter. since all of my classmates would listen to me, especially the boys, i make it a point that i get them to listen to her.

in a way, we had a friendship formed. but as you know in high school, groups were vital. she belonged to one while i was a bit scattered with a lot of groups. but it did not matter as when the need arises, i can a little bit sociable. this had paved the way for conversations that were not just sensible but cathartic. and by the end of high school, she was on the spot with her dreams. she took up accountancy and will always be working hard with her dreams. as the president, she would always organize the annual iv-genesis christmas parties even if we were already in college.

her dedication did not waver. even if she has to wait in a resort in pampanga, alone and had beg to the caretakers not to close yet for she was hoping we will come to the party she organized, she continued to do it year after year. and after nearly five years, she graduated and passed the board exams. her title as a certified public accountant did not come in a first try. but as usual, she was always focused on what she wants.


a picture of an endangered species. (peace karnts haha)

when i got back from egypt, i had lunch arranged for my friends. but i did not invite her specifically but thank God, benj made her come. soon, we were always together in every event possible. it is like seeing the rainbow from the other side for i began to see the most beautiful in her. karnts is such a wonderful person and amazing friend. as emjay would always tell her, the ideal sister. can i add that she is the ideal friend? karnts is always cheerful. always unafraid to make a fool of herself even if we always reminisce those times when she embarrassed herself in front of the class. or the times she sings with her despicable "palengkera" voice. or the fact that we always make her uncomfortable with questions about her virginity haha.

karnts just got an m.b.a. degree at the age of 25. she was able to work in a prestigious international bank but now she is off to singapore to find her luck. actually, she will leave today and i just feel sad for the fact that we will not be able to meet for some happy moments to come. well, i will do miss her when when coffee time will come. for many times, she treats me to these fancy coffee shops knowing that i do not have work. i will miss her for the conversations that keeps me focused. for the conversations that stirs my sleeping spirit towards success and happiness. i will miss her for she is one of those people who was and is still there in my journey towards my u.k. dream.

i am really emotional right now for i feel that one of my pillars is leaving but i know, she will still be there. karnts, you might not be able to read my blog but i just want you to know that i really appreciate our friendship. all these times, you, benj and all other friends have stood by me. i am encouraged by the fact that you are filled with fortitude in your endeavor to soar high in singapore. i know it may not be easy but knowing you, you are not going to give up. my respect for you never left.

in truth, we will miss you. our coffee night-outs will not be the same without you but be comforted in the fact that we are all praying for your success. as we all mentioned, we will give it a week or so haha.



cheers to you calara!

Thank God for Friends!

last night, i had myself screaming on random songs for the sake of good fun. i met some old classmates but still the set of my closest friends.

last week, i spent a lot of time and money completing my requirements for uk. little by little, i am having some progress. Thy will be done...

also, i had to fight the feelings of being worthless as i had to spend a lot of effort on the other times doing nothing. yes nothing except to watch the fringe and read some books that i bought.

but no nursing books here. it was in this plight that my mom had to be a little irritating making me feel that i am doing nothing.

and so my night out had to be a punctuation mark signaling my continued goal to greatness. to better days. it was fun and i could not imagine the night getting any better.

dining at luk yuen after sitting at one of the comfy sofa sets at glorietta for three hours while waiting for my friends to arrive started my night. the food was just simply sumptuous.

after talking anything under the sun which will normally include sherwin being the grade-conscious that he is, jon's mountain of stress at work, benj's adventures at work, karen's no nonsense attitude at life and me always completing some requirements for my work in UK, we proceeded to a specific KTV to give some stretching at our own vocal chords.

song after song and after some bottles of beer, our inhibitions were gone. while at times we cannot stand hearing our own voice, we still managed to have fun at its purest form.

we had to end our night around 3 am. karen still had her masteral class to attend while benj had to prepare for his interview at 8 am.

i, on the other hand, had to go back to reality. thank God for friends!

Nakakainis

kasi aalis na si Pao papuntang TT, as in Trinidad and Tobago and God knows kung kelan mabubuo ulit ang tropa;

kasi uuwi na si May papuntang Isabela at matatagalan ulit bago siya makita;

kasi isa palang ang nagtatrabaho samin bilang tunay na nars;

kasi namimiss ko na ang tropa ko mula nung second year college hanggang ngayon kahit magkasama palang kami kanina;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga pinagsamahan namin nung college at yung ngayon;

kasi nakakamiss ang mga baon na pagkain ni Pat;

kasi nakakamiss ang pangungulit ni Chic;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga mata ni Isabel na may bahid ng kalokohan at kabutihan;

kasi nakakamiss yung natatanging boses ni May;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga kuwento ni Donna at ang kanyang tawa;

kasi nakakamiss yung ka-sweeetan nina Ann at Xtian;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga kanta ni Pao pati na rin ang kanyang pagsayaw;

kasi nakakamiss yung pang-aapi namin kay Isabel na laging game at hindi napipikon;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga libreng Mcflurry at Coke Float ni Pao;

kasi nakakamiss yung pagvivideoke lalo na sa Platinum pagkatapos ng Community;

kasi nakakamiss yung pag-inom habang todo-bigay sa pagkanta sa Platinum;

kasi nakakamiss yung pagpasa ng microphone para makakanta lahat sa videoke;

kasi nakakamiss yung asaran sa kung sino ang may pinakamataas na videoke grade;

kasi nakakamiss yung pag-alala kay Sir Caranguian ng Lit sa kanyang pagtuturo at pagpapatawa;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga nabokya kami sa exams sa Primary Health Care;

kasi nakakamiss yung paggawa ng Nursing Care Plans na minsan e palpak na simula sa assessment;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga antics ni MJ, the Super Boy at ang kanyang pambihirang costume;

kasi nakakamiss yung paggaya ni Pao kay Golem at ang pagsasaksakan nina Ann at Xtian para sa demo sa speech;

kasi nakakamiss yung paglibot ng Cornbits na blue sa buong klase habang hindi mapigilang magpunas ng ilong sa pag-eepistaxis sa mga tinuturo ni Sir Physics (?) sa kanyang klase sa SB 304;

kasi nakakamiss yung pag-oovernight kina Gretch para lang makagawa ng mga charts at table para sa CDX;

kasi nakakamiss yung pagpasok sa mga klase na wala pang tulog gawa ng paggawa ng CDX;

kasi nakakamiss yung nagkagrade kami ng 65 dahil hindi pa tapos ung spot map namin;

kasi nakakamiss yung paglibot sa buong Brgy. Parada ng Sta. Maria, Bulacan para magsurvey;

kasi nakakamiss magRLE;

kasi nakakamiss magPhysics kahit 20/100 ang grade namin lagi sa quizzes;

kasi nakakamiss pumasok sa FEU;

at higit sa lahat, nakakamiss yung pagsasamahang walang katulad (parang SMB lang) na tunay na humihigit sa pagsasamahan ng magkakapatid.





Mga KATROPA, mahal ko kayo at naiinis ako dahil hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na lumuha sa magkahalong tuwa at pangungulila sa inyo.

Alam ko, magkikita-kita pa ulit tayo. Baka sa US nga lang o sa planeta ni May. Haha