106 Days

binilang ko ang araw bago sumapit ang araw na pinakahihintay ko.  106 days kung tama ang aking bilang.  mahaba din yun.  maraming pwedeng mangyari sa panahong iyon.

isang buwan nga lang ang lumipas mula nang magresign ako, tinamaan ako ng iba't ibang damdamin.  i was depressed, hopeless, bored, excited, anxious and inspired.  para na akong baliw.  i cannot stop thinking when it will be or if it will ever come.  kung matutuloy nga ba ang mga naset ko nang goals sa buhay through working overseas.

sabi ko nga kay nam lagi na lang may aberya.  pero matalinhaga niyang sinabi sa akin na dadating din iyon pagdating ng panahon ayon sa pantas na si aiza siguerra.  how profound!  pero sige.  aaliwin ko na lang ang sarili ko.  i will try to be at my best bago dumating ang 106th day.  i will try to be more productive and be better at my body.  at oo, susubukan ko ang napagtagumpayan ni nam noon- ang sumulat araw araw.  subalit sa version ko, susubukan kong sumulat araw araw sa loob ng 106 days.

i know it is a kind of defense mechanism.  trying to distract myself from the pressing issue but i want to keep my sanity that is why i am doing this.

106 days starting today.

Timing

hayee!

im back blogging while on break sa work. buti na lang nakatulog ang i.t. at heto, nakakapagblog ulit.

i went home last friday with a different mood. si mother ay medyo bubbly dahil si daddy ay mukhang matutuloy na sa ne caledonia.

pero heto ang catch.

natanggap din si daddy sa australia na siyang pinakamimithing destinasyon naming lahat sa pamilya. ang problema lang, comitted na si daddy sa new caledonia. ang mahirap, pupuwede kaming sumama kay daddy sa australia.

when it rains, it pours talaga.

sabi ko nga kay ate, kung para samin yon, then magiging available yun. maghihintay yun para samen. gaya na lang ng panalo ng dallas mavericks.



all in God's most perfect timing.

*photo taken here.

Fairy

i have never wanted to fail an exam than this: my entrance exam for graduate school.

so today came as a surprise when i received the text message from the secretary where i applied for. i should be enrolling into the program this week to be able to get in to the summer term.

now, i am torn. shall i wait for u.p. which offers cheaper tuition? but then, i will have to wait until may to know if i was able to get in to the program. if unsuccessful, i will have to wait for next year! oh no!

enrolling to the this school will leave me in dire poverty. their tuition is unbelievable! what shall i do? if only i failed their exam, i would have no choice but to wait for u.p.



now where is my fairy godfather? i need cash and wisdom!

*photo taken here.

Truths About Waiting

the waiting time is the hardest moment. mas mahirap pa sa mga ginawa mong paghahanda. it makes you paranoid and downright crazy. mga pagkakataon na napapatanong ka sa sarili mo. ibinigay mo ba ang lahat ng iyong makakaya?

i never really liked waiting. it bores me and it is cruel. cruel in the sense that it makes me squirm in anticipation. the nerves would also climb down into my spine and every waking moment of my life is filled with questions and plans. plans for a failed attempt at life. ganito ako. i do not live in chaos much more in discord.

they say that in waiting you are developed. you develope patience and perseverence. then what diba? hindi ba mas maganda na wala ng paghihintay? hindi ba mas praktikal na umulit o kaya ay gumawa ng ibang paraan kapag ang isang pagtatangka ay nabigo? ang oras na inilagi sa paghihintay ay oras na maaring magamit sa pagsasagawa ng bagong hangarin sa buhay. this is what i would like to say to myself.

but life is not like that. everyone has to undergo the pains of waiting. each night, i like to convince myself that waiting is good. no, therapeutic. but then again, i still have to wait to see this happen in me.