the waiting time is the hardest moment. mas mahirap pa sa mga ginawa mong paghahanda. it makes you paranoid and downright crazy. mga pagkakataon na napapatanong ka sa sarili mo. ibinigay mo ba ang lahat ng iyong makakaya?
i never really liked waiting. it bores me and it is cruel. cruel in the sense that it makes me squirm in anticipation. the nerves would also climb down into my spine and every waking moment of my life is filled with questions and plans. plans for a failed attempt at life. ganito ako. i do not live in chaos much more in discord.
they say that in waiting you are developed. you develope patience and perseverence. then what diba? hindi ba mas maganda na wala ng paghihintay? hindi ba mas praktikal na umulit o kaya ay gumawa ng ibang paraan kapag ang isang pagtatangka ay nabigo? ang oras na inilagi sa paghihintay ay oras na maaring magamit sa pagsasagawa ng bagong hangarin sa buhay. this is what i would like to say to myself.
but life is not like that. everyone has to undergo the pains of waiting. each night, i like to convince myself that waiting is good. no, therapeutic. but then again, i still have to wait to see this happen in me.