Reunited

the past few days were rough. they had me questioning my intent to stay at my current work.

whenever i think of quitting, i think of them- sheila and mark. they endured the two years of working in egypt while i did not.

as they continue their own lives, i think of them- their perseverance and the times they almost quit but pressed on.

Don't Wake Me Up

is it worth it?

i am trying to find reasons for continuing the journey....

in the mean time....

Five Days

had the worst day at work.

for five straight days, i have been working. pwede siguro dahil sa pagod or minamadali ako kahapon. but, there is no one to blame but myself.

sometimes, i really wonder why do we have to learn the hard way. and that sometimes, it is already too late.

egypt keeps buzzing. but i do not want to escape from this. ayaw kong patunayan na tama si mark. na hindi ko kayang tapusin ang isang kontrata. at saan na naman ako pupunta? magsisimula na naman sa wala?

hindi. i have to face this one. i am not getting old. time is not on my side. san na nga ba ang mga kasabayan ko?

i know i do not have to compare. it is wrong. pero i have never been this shaken kasi.

praying for courage and a beautiful tomorrow. technically, a beautiful today.

In a Rut

mark sent me a text. he is leaving for norway. the other day, pat invited me for a dinner as she is leaving for canada.

the past days, i have been asking myself why the hell i am still in an emotional and motivational rut. my assignments are still not yet done. my swimming lessons still remain as a plan.

worse, i am guilty of binge eating after my four straight night shifts at work.

i feel that at this moment, i could have been somewhere. working at a first world country while sending my salary to the philippines for a more comfortable life for my family.

that was the dream and i guess, my parents' as well. but what do we have here? i am still here in our house trying to contribute to my parents.

in 2010, i thought i was going to london. but i did not. i thought i was going to watch the olympics from the stands. but, i am stuck here watching videos from youtube.

truth is, it hurts. even though two years have passed, it still pains me to see people leaving and me being left here in the philippines. no, i do not resent the fact that i have more time with my family. i just wished that i could have contributed more and experienced more what life has to offer.

so there, i will wait some more. hopefully, it will make me wiser and much better as a person and as a nurse.