Wednesday, August 15, 2012

In a Rut

mark sent me a text. he is leaving for norway. the other day, pat invited me for a dinner as she is leaving for canada.

the past days, i have been asking myself why the hell i am still in an emotional and motivational rut. my assignments are still not yet done. my swimming lessons still remain as a plan.

worse, i am guilty of binge eating after my four straight night shifts at work.

i feel that at this moment, i could have been somewhere. working at a first world country while sending my salary to the philippines for a more comfortable life for my family.

that was the dream and i guess, my parents' as well. but what do we have here? i am still here in our house trying to contribute to my parents.

in 2010, i thought i was going to london. but i did not. i thought i was going to watch the olympics from the stands. but, i am stuck here watching videos from youtube.

truth is, it hurts. even though two years have passed, it still pains me to see people leaving and me being left here in the philippines. no, i do not resent the fact that i have more time with my family. i just wished that i could have contributed more and experienced more what life has to offer.

so there, i will wait some more. hopefully, it will make me wiser and much better as a person and as a nurse.

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