I Dare Myself Not

after one post, i feel like i am succumbing to self-doubt and fear of the unknown. irrational, i could not get my mind to think and believe that with God's grace, everything will work for our good.

if you will look into my past, i have made a lot of stupid decisions. years later, i am looking into it with a different perspective. triumphant. fulfilled. but now what?

i know the stakes are higher now. more risks. if i will fuck up on this, what will be left for me are regrets and self-pity.

i hope not. i dare myself not.

Kambal

nasasakal. napepressure.

naiinis. nabubuwisit.

napapagod. nalulupaypay.



umaasa. nananalangin.

nagiisip. nagmumuni-muni.

nangangarap. nagnanais.


buhay ehipto. buhay nurse.

No What Ifs and No Turning Back

i just made my resignation letter to be sent later this month. yes i am resigning. i am going to pursue my goal, that is, to be able to work in the land down under. and it is because i am tired of working with people who do not know the meaning of professionalism, fair and consideration. i am also tired of fronting my fake smile behind my crushed dignity and wrath-filled blood. so more than two months from now, i am leaving egypt...

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People can be really so mean. after all the hard work you did, all you get is pure power tripping from people who are drowning from a glass of new-found authority. can't they just teach their staff, talk to them nicely, reprimand when necessary and appreciate a job well done? by this, i mean to every staff? not just to egyptians.


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from the start, i have always succeeded in leaving things where they should be left and taken care of. if i have problems at home, i leave it there. now if you have problems with your girlfriend, do not bring the problem to her fellow Filipinos. be fair and be professional. you are a doctor. our work is no stranger to you. we both work our assess off just to save lives and with that, you should have at least an ounce of consideration.


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i am ending this post to where i started- my forthcoming resignation. i am having some doubts and fears about what will happen but digging deeper into it, i know it is the risk that i have to take if i really want to be where i want to be. no what ifs and no turning back.

Paalam at See You Soon!

nais ko sanang maging masaya sa araw na ito. nais kong ngumiti at magbigay ng isang mainit na pagbati para sa kasaysayan na isusulat ngayon. ito ang araw na aalis ka. ang dalawang taon na nakakapagod na pagtatrabaho sa ehipto ay nagtatapos dito...

pinipilit ko mang maging matatag sa iyong paglisan, hindi ko mapigil na mamighati ang puso ko dahil sa loob ng siyam na buwan, naging parte ka ng buhay ko. at sa puntong ito, masyadong malaki ang puwang na iyong iiwan sa aming buhay dito sa ehipto.

mamimiss namin ang iyong boses at minsang kaingayan na nagpapagising sa nakakaantok na shift sa gabi.

mamimiss namin ang iyong tawa na walang halong pagpapanggap sa iyong tunay na kalooban.

mamimiss namin ang iyong pagtulong sa bawat oras na kailangan naming magextract ng dugo at sa bawat pagkakataon na natotoxic kami sa trabaho.

mamimiss namin ang iyong pagiging maliksi at madiskarte sa mga bagay-bagay sa ccu.

mamimiss namin ang iyong mga kuwento.

mamimiss namin ang pang-aalaska sa iyo.

higit sa lahat, mamimiss ka namin.

shi, ingat sa biyahe at hintayin mo ako sa pinas. kailangan ipagpatuloy ang ating plano na makatapak at mamayagpag sa land down under.