habang binabagtas ang maninilaw-nilaw na buhangin ng ehipto, tumingin ako sa langit. ang buwan, tila nagmamalaki sa kanyang laki at liwanag sa gabing medyo umiinit na.
wala masyadong tao sa daan. kung meron, mangilan-ngilan lang na kabataan na hindi ko mawari kung ano ang ginagawa sa loob ng sasakyan nila. meron ding mga aso na palaboy lalo na't ang mga aso dito e hindi inaalagaan.
isang buntong hininga ang aking pinakawalan. bukas magsisimula na naman ang aking pakikibaka sa trabaho. simula na naman ng apat na sunod-sunod na gabi ng pagiging alagad ng kalusugan.
tumingin ako ulit sa langit, ganon pa rin. walang pagbabago. tinatanong ko ang aking sarili kung sadyang nagiging apurado ako sa mga pagbabago. sa mga plano. sa mga hakbang.
hati ang aking kalooban sa mga pagninilay ko. may nagsasabi sa akin na kailangan ko nang kumilos sa mas lalong madaling panahon. umalis dito at magsimula ulit sa pilipinas patungo sa aking patutunguhan sa ibang lugar.
may nagsasabi rin sa akin na kung papano ang gagawin ko kung walang mangyari sa akin sa pilipinas? na mapapasama sa mga taong walang trabaho?
tumingin ulit ako sa langit. bumuntung hininga at umaasang may magbabago sa kanyang anyo at sa aking kapalaran
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Of Failures, Getting Up and Prayers
I do not dwell in failures.
I welcome them and celebrate the lessons learned.
There is nothing more painful in getting up and fighting back than succumb to utmost defeat and self-doubt. But this is life and that how we should play the game.
No holding back and no looking back.
Life goes on and if one door closes, search for new ones.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and for this, I will wait patiently for the answer and exhaust its meaning to my advantage
Starting with a new perspective and more planning, I can only hope for the best.
God help me...
Amen.
I welcome them and celebrate the lessons learned.
There is nothing more painful in getting up and fighting back than succumb to utmost defeat and self-doubt. But this is life and that how we should play the game.
No holding back and no looking back.
Life goes on and if one door closes, search for new ones.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and for this, I will wait patiently for the answer and exhaust its meaning to my advantage
Starting with a new perspective and more planning, I can only hope for the best.
God help me...
Amen.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Siya at Ako
modern ako, traditional siya.
liberal ako, conservative siya.
silent-type ako, may pagka-nagger siya.
madalas, salungat ang aming konsepto sa mga bagay-bagay kaya madalas ang sagutan pag minsan.
hindi ko siya maintindihan, hindi rin niya ako maintindihan.
pero kahit ano pa man ang sabihin niya, hindi ko mababago ang buklod na nagdudugtong sa aming buhay.
kung wala siya, wala rin ako.
kaya ma, happy mothers' day sayo.
mula sa iyong pinaka-independent at pinaka-outspoken na anak.
liberal ako, conservative siya.
silent-type ako, may pagka-nagger siya.
madalas, salungat ang aming konsepto sa mga bagay-bagay kaya madalas ang sagutan pag minsan.
hindi ko siya maintindihan, hindi rin niya ako maintindihan.
pero kahit ano pa man ang sabihin niya, hindi ko mababago ang buklod na nagdudugtong sa aming buhay.
kung wala siya, wala rin ako.
kaya ma, happy mothers' day sayo.
mula sa iyong pinaka-independent at pinaka-outspoken na anak.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
May Swine Flu Ata Ako
kahapon, tocino ang ulam ko. the other day, longganiza naman. gawa ito sa baboy. who would have thought na sa ganitong lugar e may longganiza at tocino di ba? nakakatuwa talaga and being the kapampangan that i am, pumasa naman ito sa panlasa ko. now, i really miss my home, the food and of course my family.
sinabi ko bago ako umalis ng pilipinas, hindi ko mamimiss ang pamilya ko kasi sanay naman ako dahil parang kagaya lang ng college ang set-up. makakausap ko naman sila lagi. makikita through web cam. mali pala ako. maling-mali.
nung lunes, eksaktong walong buwan na ako dito sa ehipto. napag-isip ko na mabilis lang din ang panahon ng pamamalagi ko dito pero ang nakakapagtaka, ngayon ko nararamdaman ang pagiging homesick. dumaan ang birthday ko, pasko, new year at mahal na araw pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng pangungulila. kung kelan nalalapit na ang pag-uwi ko, tila lumalakas ang bugso ng damdamin ko na muling mamuhay kasama ng mga tunay na nagmamahal sayo.
epekto siguro ito ng sobrang longganiza at tocino. di bale, nasarapan naman ako tsaka baka matagalan pa bago makakain ulit gawa ng takot ng mga tao dito sa swine flu kaya't pinagpapatay daw ang mga kawawang nilalang sa cairo ayon sa bbc news na napanood ng kasama ko sa trabaho.
inspired by manilenya's post entitled balut, penoy, balut.
sinabi ko bago ako umalis ng pilipinas, hindi ko mamimiss ang pamilya ko kasi sanay naman ako dahil parang kagaya lang ng college ang set-up. makakausap ko naman sila lagi. makikita through web cam. mali pala ako. maling-mali.
nung lunes, eksaktong walong buwan na ako dito sa ehipto. napag-isip ko na mabilis lang din ang panahon ng pamamalagi ko dito pero ang nakakapagtaka, ngayon ko nararamdaman ang pagiging homesick. dumaan ang birthday ko, pasko, new year at mahal na araw pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng pangungulila. kung kelan nalalapit na ang pag-uwi ko, tila lumalakas ang bugso ng damdamin ko na muling mamuhay kasama ng mga tunay na nagmamahal sayo.
epekto siguro ito ng sobrang longganiza at tocino. di bale, nasarapan naman ako tsaka baka matagalan pa bago makakain ulit gawa ng takot ng mga tao dito sa swine flu kaya't pinagpapatay daw ang mga kawawang nilalang sa cairo ayon sa bbc news na napanood ng kasama ko sa trabaho.
inspired by manilenya's post entitled balut, penoy, balut.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Mapera Daw Ako
nagtataka ako. tinitignan ko ang itsura ko sa friendster. payat daw ako tas iisa lang lagi ang nakikita nilang suot kong t-shirt pero ba't ang daming nag-iisip na marami na akong pera?
natatawa lang ako kasi wala talagang katotohanan yun. ako? na laging nag-aabsent sa trabaho? e dito pa naman pag umabsent e bukod sa wala ka ng sahod para sa araw na yon e may penalty ka pa!
ewan. ang sinasabi ko sa sarili ko, sana totoo na lang yun. na hindi lang sa isip nila kundi sa realidad para makaalis na ako dito.
sakal. eto nararamdaman ko. excitement? wala nun sa trabaho ko.
madalas, tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung bakit ako nandito. kung sa ginagawa kong ito, nagiging masaya ba ako? ano nga ba ang napapala ko? sa totoo lang sakit ng damdamin sa inis at panggagamit ng mga tao sa ccu. kahit nga mga taga-dito e pareho kami ng nararamdaman. ang kinagaan lang ng sitwasyon nila e wala silang kontrata na hanggang dalawang taon.
maliit lang sahod ko. lagi kong sinasabi na mataas lang ng ilang libo sa may pinakamataas na sahod na nurse sa pinas. un lang. ang pagkakaiba lang e mas mura ang pamumuhay dito at hindi kagaya saten sa pinas.
maraming pera? sana. ganon naman ata halos ang gustong mangyari ng mga tao para makalaya na ako sa kulungan dito.
natatawa lang ako kasi wala talagang katotohanan yun. ako? na laging nag-aabsent sa trabaho? e dito pa naman pag umabsent e bukod sa wala ka ng sahod para sa araw na yon e may penalty ka pa!
ewan. ang sinasabi ko sa sarili ko, sana totoo na lang yun. na hindi lang sa isip nila kundi sa realidad para makaalis na ako dito.
sakal. eto nararamdaman ko. excitement? wala nun sa trabaho ko.
madalas, tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung bakit ako nandito. kung sa ginagawa kong ito, nagiging masaya ba ako? ano nga ba ang napapala ko? sa totoo lang sakit ng damdamin sa inis at panggagamit ng mga tao sa ccu. kahit nga mga taga-dito e pareho kami ng nararamdaman. ang kinagaan lang ng sitwasyon nila e wala silang kontrata na hanggang dalawang taon.
maliit lang sahod ko. lagi kong sinasabi na mataas lang ng ilang libo sa may pinakamataas na sahod na nurse sa pinas. un lang. ang pagkakaiba lang e mas mura ang pamumuhay dito at hindi kagaya saten sa pinas.
maraming pera? sana. ganon naman ata halos ang gustong mangyari ng mga tao para makalaya na ako sa kulungan dito.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
The Pursuit for Life Turns One
nakaisang taon na pala ang blog ko. parang kelan lang nung simulan ko ito out of my curiosity and wanting na ilabas ang nararamdaman ko.
ito ang naging saksi ng mga paghihirap ko sa pag-aaply sa pinas at egypt, sa mga nakakarinding pag-iingay ng nanay ko, sa pagsisimula ko sa ccu, sa mga bagong napuntahan at nakilala.
last april 27, ito ang unang kaarawan mo. ito ang unang pagkakataon na nabuhay ako sa blogosphere. masaya at masarap kasi may ibang mundo ka na magagalawan kapag nabuburyong ka na sa totoong buhay.
sana lang e maipagpatuloy ko ang blog na ito habang nagpapatuloy ako sa aking pursuit for life...
ito ang naging saksi ng mga paghihirap ko sa pag-aaply sa pinas at egypt, sa mga nakakarinding pag-iingay ng nanay ko, sa pagsisimula ko sa ccu, sa mga bagong napuntahan at nakilala.
last april 27, ito ang unang kaarawan mo. ito ang unang pagkakataon na nabuhay ako sa blogosphere. masaya at masarap kasi may ibang mundo ka na magagalawan kapag nabuburyong ka na sa totoong buhay.
sana lang e maipagpatuloy ko ang blog na ito habang nagpapatuloy ako sa aking pursuit for life...
Para Kay Shi
aalis na si sheila. si sheila na tinatawag na shelia dembo ng mga tao dito. ate pa nga tawag ko sa kanya dati nung una ko siyang makita kahit ba na mas mukhang matanda ako sa napakaliit na frame ng katawan niya.
pagkatapos ng dalawang taon na walang uwian sa pinas, heto at bilang na lang ang araw niya sa egypt. matatapos na kasi kontrata niya. masaya at nakakalungkot. masaya kasi makakauwi na siya sa kanyang pamilya. malungkot kasi nabawasan na naman kami ng pinoy sa ccu.
small but terrible kung ituring siya sa ccu. kung makita niyo lang ang mga hinahawakan niyang pasyente, naku baka matulala kayo. mantakin niyo ang four times sa laki ng katawan niya na mga pasyente! dambuhala talaga. siyempre kailangan silang i-turn lalo na pag bedridden sila so pano niyo ibabaligtad ang isang tao na mas malaki pa sayo ng apat na beses? o kaya e paliguan?
naging inspirasyon ko si sheila sa ccu lalo na nung nagsisimula ako dito. nakita ko sa kanya kung pano lumaban sa mundong isa kang estranghero. bukod sa pagpapalakas ng loob, sila rin ni ate emma ang naging dahilan kung bakit kami nanatili ni mark sa ccu. masaya ang duty pag kumpleto kaming mga pinoy. kahit gano katoxic, walang problema kasi kampante kami sa isa't isa. pag natotoxic ako at natataranta na sa deteriorating status ng pasyente ko, laging andyan si sheila. o kaya naman kapag hindi ako makapag-extract ng dugo sa pasyente.
minsan, hindi ko maintindihan ang timing ng mundo. minsan nakakainis, minsan naman e sakto lang.
sa bawat tamang pagkakataon, may mga nabubuong pagkakaibigan. may nabubuong samahan na nagmamarka sa buhay mo. may mga alaala na tumatatak sa pagkatao mo.
sa bawat tamang pagkakataon, ang lahat ay natatapos. ang lahat ay natutuldukan. ang lahat ay nahihinto at nahihimlay sa isang yugto ng iyong buhay.
ngunit sa bawat tamang pagkakataon, isang bagong ikaw ang nabubuo. isang bagong ikaw na hinulma ng mga karanasan at mga samahang nagtali ng isang lubid na kailanman hindi mapipigtas.
kay sheila, isang napakatatag na buhol ang ginagawa ko ngayon para hindi mapigtas ang lubid.
pagkatapos ng dalawang taon na walang uwian sa pinas, heto at bilang na lang ang araw niya sa egypt. matatapos na kasi kontrata niya. masaya at nakakalungkot. masaya kasi makakauwi na siya sa kanyang pamilya. malungkot kasi nabawasan na naman kami ng pinoy sa ccu.
small but terrible kung ituring siya sa ccu. kung makita niyo lang ang mga hinahawakan niyang pasyente, naku baka matulala kayo. mantakin niyo ang four times sa laki ng katawan niya na mga pasyente! dambuhala talaga. siyempre kailangan silang i-turn lalo na pag bedridden sila so pano niyo ibabaligtad ang isang tao na mas malaki pa sayo ng apat na beses? o kaya e paliguan?
naging inspirasyon ko si sheila sa ccu lalo na nung nagsisimula ako dito. nakita ko sa kanya kung pano lumaban sa mundong isa kang estranghero. bukod sa pagpapalakas ng loob, sila rin ni ate emma ang naging dahilan kung bakit kami nanatili ni mark sa ccu. masaya ang duty pag kumpleto kaming mga pinoy. kahit gano katoxic, walang problema kasi kampante kami sa isa't isa. pag natotoxic ako at natataranta na sa deteriorating status ng pasyente ko, laging andyan si sheila. o kaya naman kapag hindi ako makapag-extract ng dugo sa pasyente.
minsan, hindi ko maintindihan ang timing ng mundo. minsan nakakainis, minsan naman e sakto lang.
sa bawat tamang pagkakataon, may mga nabubuong pagkakaibigan. may nabubuong samahan na nagmamarka sa buhay mo. may mga alaala na tumatatak sa pagkatao mo.
sa bawat tamang pagkakataon, ang lahat ay natatapos. ang lahat ay natutuldukan. ang lahat ay nahihinto at nahihimlay sa isang yugto ng iyong buhay.
ngunit sa bawat tamang pagkakataon, isang bagong ikaw ang nabubuo. isang bagong ikaw na hinulma ng mga karanasan at mga samahang nagtali ng isang lubid na kailanman hindi mapipigtas.
kay sheila, isang napakatatag na buhol ang ginagawa ko ngayon para hindi mapigtas ang lubid.
Ako at Ang Aking Personalidad
sinubukan ko lang. sa kabuuan, tugma naman saken.
Reliable Realists are down-to-earth and responsible-minded. They are precise, reserved and demanding. Their most prominent quality is reliability and they will always make every effort to keep any promise given. Reliable Realists are more quiet and serious persons, they do not talk a lot but they are good listeners. They sometimes seem reserved and distant to outsiders although they often have a great deal of wit and esprit. Their strong points are thoroughness, a marked sense of justice, doggedness bordering on pigheadedness and a pragmatic, vigorous and purposeful manner. Reliable Realists do not dither about if something has to be done. They do what is necessary without wasting words.
This personality type not only expects a lot of himself but also of others. Once Reliable Realists have set their mind on something, it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. They do not like to leave anything to chance. Planning means safety to Reliable Realists, as well as order and discipline. They have no problem respecting authorities and hierarchies but do not like to delegate tasks. They are certain that others would not deal with them as conscientiously as they do. In management positions, they are very task-oriented - they make sure that things are well done; however, they do not have a great deal of interest in personal contacts at work.
In relationships too, Reliable Realists are reliability itself. As partners, they are faithful and consistent, well-balanced and sensible. Security and stability are very important to them. They have little time for extravagances and flightiness. Whoever has them as friend or partner can rely on them for a lifetime. However, it takes quite a while for Reliable Realists to enter into a relationship or friendship. They have little need for social contacts; they therefore take great care when choosing partners and friends and limit themselves to a small but exclusive circle which meets their high demands. They tend to show their closeness to people who are important to them by deeds - their partner should rather not expect romantic declarations of love.
The Reliable Realist at work
As a Reliable Realist you belong to the introverted personality types. You don’t appreciate too much commotion around you preferring to work relatively independently of others. You need to give yourself plenty of time to work in peace and deal with your projects thoroughly and intensely. Your ability to concentrate is exceptionally high and if you are interested in something you can truly immerse yourself forgetting everything around you. Very strongly team-oriented professional fields, or employment where your concentration is continuously disturbed, or your work is disrupted, are not really for you. It is just too important to you to complete your projects really well.
One or two colleagues who are on your wavelength or possibly a small group of like-minded colleagues are the most you need. Too many people are stressful to you because the emotionality and irrationality that comes with interpersonal relationships tends to disturb you. You are reserved when revealing yourself, and often have the effect of being aloof.
Sometimes, and although it may not be your intention, you even convey the impression of being dismissive to the people around you. The continuous locker room and water cooler banter enervate you more than anything else. For you, work is work, and you feel that private matters don’t really belong there. When you choose your profession, watch out that you are not made to adjust to and interact with others around the clock.
The Reliable Realist in love
You are not characterized in your type description as “reliable” for nothing! It describes you as a person as well as a partner. Stability, reliability, fidelity, and security are those traits you expect from your love relationship (and which you contribute to a rich measure). If you have promised something to somebody, your word is your bond, come what may. You are one of the most honest personality types and one of the most predictable ones (in a positive sense!).
With you, one always knows that you mean what you say, and that you will stick with it, regardless what happens. If one can justifiably describe a type as the tower of strength for his/her partner, then it’s you. Intrigues, cunning, sneakiness, or even lack of openness are just as foreign to you in your love relationship as in the rest of your life. Since you are very much aware that your expectations of your partner cannot be met by just anybody, you can procrastinate for quite some time until you decide on someone, and not get involved head over heels with a love relationship even then. For that, you are too careful, and deal with your own feelings - and the ones of others - with too much respect.
You are the most conservative of all types, and feel bound by traditional values and institutions. For you, that also includes marriage and beginning a family. Temporary affairs are not for you, and you don’t know flightiness and inconsistency. You can’t imagine just flirting. In the long run, you would not be happy in a relationship without a commitment. You assume a great responsibility if you engage in a relationship for life and you tend to see yourself as the provider in the relationship. Material security is very important to you, and in order to offer it to your partner and your family, you work hard and often. It is very possible that you are most comfortable in a relationship with the “traditional” role allocation.
Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, practical, logical, planning, tradition-conscious, organised, persistent, objective, tidy, conscientious, cautious, loyal, peace-loving, sensible, down-to-earth, responsible-minded, reserved, careful, independent, punctual, precise, demanding, ability to concentrate, trustworthy, pedantic, reliable, persevering.
Reliable Realists are down-to-earth and responsible-minded. They are precise, reserved and demanding. Their most prominent quality is reliability and they will always make every effort to keep any promise given. Reliable Realists are more quiet and serious persons, they do not talk a lot but they are good listeners. They sometimes seem reserved and distant to outsiders although they often have a great deal of wit and esprit. Their strong points are thoroughness, a marked sense of justice, doggedness bordering on pigheadedness and a pragmatic, vigorous and purposeful manner. Reliable Realists do not dither about if something has to be done. They do what is necessary without wasting words.
This personality type not only expects a lot of himself but also of others. Once Reliable Realists have set their mind on something, it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. They do not like to leave anything to chance. Planning means safety to Reliable Realists, as well as order and discipline. They have no problem respecting authorities and hierarchies but do not like to delegate tasks. They are certain that others would not deal with them as conscientiously as they do. In management positions, they are very task-oriented - they make sure that things are well done; however, they do not have a great deal of interest in personal contacts at work.
In relationships too, Reliable Realists are reliability itself. As partners, they are faithful and consistent, well-balanced and sensible. Security and stability are very important to them. They have little time for extravagances and flightiness. Whoever has them as friend or partner can rely on them for a lifetime. However, it takes quite a while for Reliable Realists to enter into a relationship or friendship. They have little need for social contacts; they therefore take great care when choosing partners and friends and limit themselves to a small but exclusive circle which meets their high demands. They tend to show their closeness to people who are important to them by deeds - their partner should rather not expect romantic declarations of love.
The Reliable Realist at work
As a Reliable Realist you belong to the introverted personality types. You don’t appreciate too much commotion around you preferring to work relatively independently of others. You need to give yourself plenty of time to work in peace and deal with your projects thoroughly and intensely. Your ability to concentrate is exceptionally high and if you are interested in something you can truly immerse yourself forgetting everything around you. Very strongly team-oriented professional fields, or employment where your concentration is continuously disturbed, or your work is disrupted, are not really for you. It is just too important to you to complete your projects really well.
One or two colleagues who are on your wavelength or possibly a small group of like-minded colleagues are the most you need. Too many people are stressful to you because the emotionality and irrationality that comes with interpersonal relationships tends to disturb you. You are reserved when revealing yourself, and often have the effect of being aloof.
Sometimes, and although it may not be your intention, you even convey the impression of being dismissive to the people around you. The continuous locker room and water cooler banter enervate you more than anything else. For you, work is work, and you feel that private matters don’t really belong there. When you choose your profession, watch out that you are not made to adjust to and interact with others around the clock.
The Reliable Realist in love
You are not characterized in your type description as “reliable” for nothing! It describes you as a person as well as a partner. Stability, reliability, fidelity, and security are those traits you expect from your love relationship (and which you contribute to a rich measure). If you have promised something to somebody, your word is your bond, come what may. You are one of the most honest personality types and one of the most predictable ones (in a positive sense!).
With you, one always knows that you mean what you say, and that you will stick with it, regardless what happens. If one can justifiably describe a type as the tower of strength for his/her partner, then it’s you. Intrigues, cunning, sneakiness, or even lack of openness are just as foreign to you in your love relationship as in the rest of your life. Since you are very much aware that your expectations of your partner cannot be met by just anybody, you can procrastinate for quite some time until you decide on someone, and not get involved head over heels with a love relationship even then. For that, you are too careful, and deal with your own feelings - and the ones of others - with too much respect.
You are the most conservative of all types, and feel bound by traditional values and institutions. For you, that also includes marriage and beginning a family. Temporary affairs are not for you, and you don’t know flightiness and inconsistency. You can’t imagine just flirting. In the long run, you would not be happy in a relationship without a commitment. You assume a great responsibility if you engage in a relationship for life and you tend to see yourself as the provider in the relationship. Material security is very important to you, and in order to offer it to your partner and your family, you work hard and often. It is very possible that you are most comfortable in a relationship with the “traditional” role allocation.
Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, practical, logical, planning, tradition-conscious, organised, persistent, objective, tidy, conscientious, cautious, loyal, peace-loving, sensible, down-to-earth, responsible-minded, reserved, careful, independent, punctual, precise, demanding, ability to concentrate, trustworthy, pedantic, reliable, persevering.
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