Thursday, August 5, 2010

A Closure and A Beginning

i think the timing was perfect.

the closure that is. finally, i got it. i have wanted it for the longest time. waiting for it was difficult and it left me crippled for months. i didn't want to move. to take action or to even think about it. i got depressed and was angry about everything. i thought that i do not deserve all these.

who said that the world owed me something? no one. but i got it all figured out after numerous conversations with people i value the most.

i should be crying now. i should be angry and bitter after formally receiving the letter that my application for u.k. registration as a nurse has been rejected. now that our finances have been depleted and our hopes crashed, what is there for us but to accept and move on, right?

well, i was expecting this for so long that it kinda made me numb about being on this situation. i was so scared before that when this day comes, i will still be affected by the sad news. now i am not.

there is some form of truth in that time can heal all wounds. it can heal in the sense that it forms a certain immunity to what has hurt you before. somehow, it creates a certain scar that is not capable of feelings particularly, pain.

i guess i have that now but more importantly, the timing could not be any better as mentioned before.

today, i got a text message informing me about a job offer from a medical center in manila. after six interviews in two weeks, they are offering me the position of a quality analyst. clearly, it is not really nursing work. i will not be handling patients but do i have a choice right now?

i like the possibility of being able to transfer to the nursing division after a year or two. the future is still unwritten as nam would like to teach me. i get inspiration and wisdom from him and rian.

i would like to wait for other opportunities. for a real nursing work. but i do not have that luxury anymore. so for days, i kept myself busy thinking about my decision.

i hope i don't fuck up this time. seriously.


bysnesscents said...

Your words are always slow and calm, like a peaceful meandering stream, but the content is temaultuous, like the ragiing rapids. I love to read your blogs, but I wonder...are you ever happy? It makes me sad to think that you are not. Happiness is sometimes a choice we make within, not something that happens without.

Charltoninho said...

thank you very much for those kind words. it means a lot to me.

with your question, i was happy yesterday. never felt that way for the longest time...

your wisdom is something to plant in my soul- that happiness is not something that happens without...