Contentment

my prayer was simple- to have a job.

no specific place where it will be. no specific range of salary. no specific position. so what happens when God answered your prayer? do you give thanks that a prayer has been answered or do you wander in thinking if you really wanted it after all?

in truth, i was happy. something good resulted when i thought all of my efforts will be put to waste. one month since application was indeed a good news when here in the philippines, you can get called for a volunteer position after six months of waiting. besides, i was invited for an interview. that was fast.

so after three weeks, i finally got the job. three exams. six interviews. one medical exam. two veni-punctures and one hematoma. five hundred pesos in the wallet. i am still here and still alive. just waiting for the 16th to come.

in between all those things that i had to do to bag this job, i was in constant process of questioning myself, the Giver of all blessings and the future that i do not have control.

questions about the direction of my career as a nurse. questions of me being able to penetrate the nursing division later. questions about owning this blessing. questions if i will ever fit in. questions about my capacity as a nurse upon seeing batch mates in their nurses' uniforms. questions about my chances of working overseas in the future with this job under my belt. questions of me being able to achieve all the goals that i have set in my mind.

as much as i have started to hate myself for entertaining these questions, people around me were doubly nagged by these works of my mind. there was so much wisdom to take in and so much truth shoved in my face. i liked it and that is why i tend to surround myself with these kind of people. they empower me and they direct my mind so i can lead my life the way i should.

in those moments that i chose to be alone, this came to me: contentment.

it was clear that a blessing and an answered prayer was given to me. it is up to me to own and make it work for me. but why the hell i was having those thoughts? it is because i am human. i will always have this tendency of looking on the other side of the fence for greener pastures or waiting for a better bus to come.

why is it difficult for man to be contented with what was given to him? are we always that hungry for more? the Lord has made this world fit for us. meaning, there will always be something for us only if we own and take it. plus we recognize that it came from Him. waiting is not bad after all only if we fail to realize that what we are waiting for is already in front of us.

in this world, i see two things that are difficult to achieve. happiness and contentment. we are not happy because we are not contented with what we have. we are not contented because we are unhappy of what we have. it is simple. these two work together in life.