forget about the oracle. or the consequences of my actions. kasi naman, parang lagi na lang may mali. or lagi na lang akong isang malaking disappointment sa mga tao sa paligid ko.
the appreciation of people around me matters most pero only the people who really know me are capable of seeing the beauty in me. it sucks pero yun ang totoo. it is not a problem anymore because it was there since my mind taught me to lick my own wounds. mahirap pero no choice.
i have a co-worker na parang worst pa sa mom ko. can't really tell pero nakaranas siyang masampal in public. nagtataka kasi ako dahil parang wala siyang hang ups sa mom niya. she can joke around and still be the best with relationships. parang no damage was done to her. well, dahil siguro mayaman sila and they were well-provided by both parents. so i am stopping now from thinking kung bakit ako hindi ganon.
sobrang nadedepress lang ako these past few days. sa work, medyo sensitive lang ako sa supervisor ko. imagine creating metrics and audit tools without consulting us? kahit inputs man lang kasi ako naman talaga ang babad sa area. tas im sick pa with colds so i was a bit sensitive and all.
pagdating naman sa bahay, i was fighting the urge to buy food instead of cooking my own. kakapagod kasi. ihahanda mo na at lulutuin, ikaw pa ang maghuhugas. it felt like every thing i had to do was a struggle.
wala man lang kasing inspiration. or some drive that what i am doing is the right thing and will lead me to my success. pwede rin sana ng isang mahiwagang panaginip na pwede kong subaybayan ang misteryo sa buhay ko. wala talaga.
in short, wasak.
i am glad october is nearly over. i hope my woes will go with the month.