the past two nights, i went home past midnight. i attended two parties/reunions. one for the organization i joined since my first year high school and the other one was with my high school classmates.
oh, i forgot the family reunion! but since i don't count it as special and technically, i was just there for 20 minutes so that does not matter.
few days earlier, i had thoughts of not attending any. maybe of shame of me not having work again. or probably some old feelings of high school madness that are bugging me but benj's convincing power proved to be stronger.
you see, i am not that really popular way back in high school. i had some moments but i really didn't stand out. there was always someone who was better than me.
for the first few moments at the first party, i felt this uncomfortable pinch in my heart. truth is, the scar of being really not accepted in a group is still there.
but i have moved on. i am better now at what i do. i am stronger. successful in my own way.
and these people who made my high school life more dramatic? they don't exist now in my world.
contrary to the second party, from the first moment i was there, i felt loved. happy. belonged. each smile was very real. no words could express my feelings.
going out and meeting people who have touched your life may not be bad at all. you get to feel your old self while having that new you around. it makes you alive and it makes you to be better at yourself. you feel proud that you belong to this certain group and you are one of them.
in the end, i realize a lot of things. whatever doubts i have about myself, i just have to look to these people who love me. there is really nothing to be found in comparing yourself with other people for there will be those who will be greater and lesser than you. those people that i envied or longed for their acceptance? they didn't deserve me in the first place. time made me realize this. what i could not see before, it is now within my view. no more blind spot.