i almost lost it all. my faith, my religion and my only hope. it was difficult but friends did not give up and so here i am, rising from all the rubbish emotions and fatal disbelief.
what i did yesterday was something unconventional of me. not thinking of what i will experience, i did go to a lot of hospitals. simply, i did not think too much and i just went for it. the feeling was nice. i could not recall the times i did something like this. like stepping out of my comfort zone and just doing what i had to do. of course it was not easy and i had to gather strength from Him.
you see, i went inside the chapel to have that courage. that strength to make me want to try again. but when i left the place, i felt so much more than just being courageous. God really knows when to talk to you and yesterday was that day. through the priest, i was told that He answers all our prayers. sometimes yes. sometimes no because He has better answer. sometimes not yet since He is preparing for bigger blessings. i knew that i have heard these things long ago but the timing was just perfect yesterday. it made me cry. and reflect. and repulsive of how i acted the past weeks. but i instantly asked for forgiveness and guidance.
so things are now different for me. i may had to write that dreadful letter to toni, i have hopes of being somewhere else. best and rightly for me.