Of Giving and Receiving

i am currently working with my second job.

my first one was when i was still in egypt. working like an oppressed israelite. my salary was not really much back then.

with my current job, my salary is just half from what i was receiving with my first one.

but you see, i am almost 80% ready to give gifts to my family and relatives. i have helped in the daily expenses in the house and was able to contribute some to the allowance of my brother.

considering that i have less now, i am giving more actually.

in all these things, there is one thing i have learned. the more you give, the more you received.

since working again, i have lost around five kilos.

i did not go to gym. i did not engage myself into running regularly. i just controlled my diet. i eat oats and fruits. i made my eating schedule fixed. i may have spent more. but, i have also lost more weight.

now this realization made it clearer why some aspects of my life, i have received less. worse, nothing.

of course there is my love life. mistake. sorry. there is the love life. that should be the correct one because technically, i do not have one. i believe that i am not in love, yet, because i do not give myself more to other people.

and it can only stem from this: i do not give love to myself enough for me to be loved by other people.

i guess i am ready for christmas.