Hate On Me

i think i found another reason to hate myself. but the old charl.

as i am in the process of regaining energy from a day of job hunting from inside the bus that will take me home to pampanga, i happened to witness an old me. i mean i could only laugh now and at the same time, i started to loathe her. but then, i would end up loathing the former me.

remember the days when i was still at dlsu? it was crazy. the probinsiyano me had to pinch myself so many times just to convince myself that i was really there. how could i forget the awe in my eyes when i heard that they were from zobel? gee that was embarrassing. or how about i did not have an email address back in 2002 since i did not know how to use the internet?

i believe that things happened really fast at that time. i was not prepared and i was not ready for the challenges. subjects like sociology and religion were my saving grace. i can shame the graduates of manila science high school and colegio san agustin makati with my grades but sadly, computer science was not entirely made up of those two subjects.

it was pride that took me to dlsu and it was still pride that made me leave that place. we didn't have uniforms there but whenever i wore that p.e. shirt with the logo of the school, i would walk very slowly in the surrounding streets of the school just to let people know that i was studying there.

as i saw that girl today wearing proudly the animo shirt, i can only smile now. i was thankful that i have moved on from that awful me. i was so shallow. and pathetic. i hope that girl will realize that in the real world, we are not defined by the school where we graduated. it may still be that way for some but hey, those people are not grounded with reality. the challenge is when you start to live in the real world bearing the values and the lessons the school has taught you. those lessons may not be entirely from books or from the corners of the class room.

it may come from the experience of having to fall in long lines just to pay your tuition or from the lack of overhead projectors. from the hepa lane food strip or from the long trips going to your related learning experience. i did not only learn how to be a nurse. i learned initially how to live a meaningful life.

i miss school.