2014 Life List

most of the items i listed during my birthday this year are still, well, on the list.  i might as well include them for my list for the new year.

1. learn how to swim (ongoing lessons, yay!)
2. save
3. travel to 3 new places
4. reach ideal body weight and maintain it thereafter
5. be an expert in ecg reading
6. celebrate my birthday in a different country where i will live
7. sleep 7-8 hours/ day
8. write
9. read 10 books (at least)
10. be the person who i want to meet
11. meet my life partner
12. watch a concert
13. whine no more
14. expect less
15. talk to friends regularly
16. smile a lot
17. go home with the family with every chance that i have
18. clean the room regularly
19. throw the thrash
20. practice yoga.  or just sun salutations at least

that's all.

2-0-1-3

and now, for the highs of this year!

• boracay trip with benj, rina and gen- thanks to the generosity of my friends and aunts, i was able to visit this beautiful island.  

• lateral transfer to the coronary care unit- with five months and running at this special area, i got to learn a lot of things and of life in general.

• got the required band score for IELTS!
• new friends at cvu3- the closure of our original unit led to meeting new friends.
  
  
  
  
• telemetry outing- this was only possible because our unit was closed premanently.  still, good things happen out of sad circumstances.
  
  
  
  
  
• family- we are complete for the holidays! my sister is engaged, paulo is now working and we are just thankful to the Lord.
  
  
  
  

thank you, 2013!

Bullet Points

this year, i could only think of great things that has happened to me. while there were some lows, i choose to look at them as bullet points where lessons can be learned.

• giving up on school- this just showed me how i can be disorganized and distracted from my priorities.  wasting a lot of time while forgetting my obligations from school.  not cool.
• giving up on a relationship- i thought it was i needed only to find out i was not ready at all.
• being robbed at knife point- things are just things.  life can never be replaced.  and one should shun all displays of riches and fine things in life.  especially if you are at the jeepney or just walking in a street.
• binge eating- no explanation needed.
• not saving enough money- i guess this was due to the fact that i was so impulsive with eating out and going out.  
• little to no exercise- again, no explanation needed.
• thinking that i deserve something- you will never be really happy if you always think that you deserve some things.  after all, life is not fair.  your expectations will only make you feel disappointed.  your thoughts will only make you sad and cynical.
• not enough sleep- hours lost will never be recovered.
• not taking care of the things that i have- my laptop needed a healing and then i lost five years worth of work, memories and reminders of how i lived before.  there are just some things that cannot be replaced. 
• not taking time to plan my schedule- missed out three weddings of my friends.  no excuse for this.
• not writing enough on this blog-  sorry, my bad.  i guess i have got to spend my time wisely.  not next year.  not tomorrow.  but today.
• our unit closing permanently- the place where i first started to work is now closed permanently.  now, we are dispersed all over the hospital.  at least, we can get together without someone left at the unit.  it also meant a chance for me to work in the intensive unit.
• not being honest with myself- too shy to say no to some people and too shy to say that i needed help. 

i guess i am learning.  and will still learn in the years to come.   for the next year, i just hope that i be more open- to people, to experiences, to emotions, to unplanned events, to difficult shifts, to unrealized dreams, to changes, to thoughts different from mine, to the reality and to myself.

80%

sa mga ipinasok ko na shift sa december, 80% toxic ako.

pacemaker insertion sa bedside na kailangan ng 18 times na x-ray. numerous arrest. cont. renal replacement. intubation. insertion ng central line. demanding na relatives. duty sa lahat ng christmas party.

i don't think magkakaroon pa ako ng energy para magsulat dito. idagdag pa ang pagsulit sa pagdating ni ate.

but, i am not complaining. this is just the story of my life for now.

Moving Up

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.”

― Ellen Goodman

Telemetry Forever

i just feel sad. today, my original unit has been formally closed for operation. even though i was transferred to the coronary care unit, it is just sad to know that your original home is not there anymore.

to this, i would like to thank my unit for accepting me. for being kind to me for the past one year and three months that we were together. i never had a code blue or an icu transfer. you have led me to the people that i needed the most both professionally and as a person. you gave me the kindest preceptor and introduced me to my Besties. i was given the lessons of patience, of time management, of self-denial, of knowing when to fight and of knowing when to believe in the beauty of life.

thank you, Telemetry. you have forever changed me...

Of Sore Muscles and Goals

as i write this post, my muscles are sore from the first day of my swimming lessons. yay! it was fun. and challenging especially if my lack of coordination is being rubbed in my face. well, i may be too hard on myself. tomorrow is my second day and hopefully, i'll be less conscious of my body.

cheers for new adventures and for finally deciding to work on my goals.

Quitter

and so i gave up. officially, i gave up on continuing school. for now, it is the best idea as i am focused on being better at work and setting my eyes on my ultimate goal.

it is hard as i realize that i have failed my professors after showing them what i can do. they had so much faith in me but the laziness in me took control.

however, i am trying to change that now. wish me luck.

Lazy

we are now at the last part of the year and it feels that there is more for me to do and to accomplish. but then, i am so lazy i could not even

Daily Motivation

thank you, the berry!

Progress Notes Day 2

another systems review. :-)

a.) career- a little progress with neurologic assessment. was floated again at the neurocritical care unit and was able to join the endorsement. well, more of a grand rounds with the famous neuro intensivist. about ecg, was able to attend a seminar for ecg reading. i really need to devote more time for this.

this week, i was also floated at the orthopedic unit. never enjoyed my stay there. a lot of patients and i never liked their system.

b.) relationships- had a fun night with friends from my original unit and was able to meet my besty. yay for this! i am also typing this post from our home here in the province. yay again for real food and conversations with the fam.

there's also this person who i want to meet. this person makes me think deeper. his words always leave me thinking but ending up fascinated by how much he knows.

c.) fitness- nothing to say. but, tomorrow is another day.

d.) aspirations- i am bothered by my professor's email about my two courses still awaiting for my completion of requirements. i think i just can't do it now due to financial reasons and the fact that most of the time, i surf the net, sleep, eat, work, dream then repeat.

will now make my nursing care plan...

Systems Review

bilang floater lagi sa iba't ibang area gawa nang mababang census sa aming unit, mukhang kailangan kong maging flexible. well, dapat naman ata sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay. pati na ang pag-aaral sa neuro assessment ng isang nurse. at dahil dito, para akong nagbalik sa college sa pagsali sa rounds ng consultant para sa isang oral revalida. isang umaatikabong systems review ang nagaganap kaya dapat maging handa.

segue sa isang idea na naisip ko. madalas, tinatamad akong magsulat sa blog na ito. kaya't para maengganyo, kailangan ko ring magkaroon ng systems review ng aking buhay. it will consist of the following: career, relationships, fitness and aspirations. heto ang unang review ko:

a. career- everybody wants to be treated seriously. especially at work. i hate being underestimated but the thing is, i have always tried to hide my school achievements. i shy away from showing what i am capable of. ewan ko ba, takot na ata akong magcommit sa mga responsibilities at sa kung anong perception meron ang mga tao sakin. but hey, i'l try to change this. i will start by becoming good at ecg reading and neuro assessment. pati na rin ang ielts.

b. relationships- i miss my family. kaya bukas uuwi ako. wala talagang substitute sa kanila. promise.

c. fitness- back to zero. as in to unhealthy diet and absence of exercise. need to change. asap!

d. aspirations- hmm at this point, sobrang malayo pa ako sa kung ano ang gusto kong marating. plagued by laziness and lack of action, i can never see some progress. sabi nga nung nabasa ko kay francis kong, i should commit to things that will not make the future me proud of myself. he calls it as personal commitment.

so there, alam na ang priority- study, connect with family, eat clean, start moving and bawasan ang non-value adding activities.

Super Fun Night

friday night and i am all alone. well, this is not new anymore. but to tell you honestly, i made an effort to change this.

plan a: dinner with anna and kung sino pa ang pwedeng mahila.
ending: umulan at tinamad nang magkita-kita.

plan b: night out with madamme charissa and besty yash.
ending: pinagstraight sa duty si yash at hindi na kami tumuloy ni mam cha.

plan c: meet with mark and sleep over sa condo niya.
ending: nagkita sila ng partner niya.

so bilang gutom na gutom na at nayayamot na sa room, umalis ako. nagbalak na kumain sa masarap pero nauwi sa spaghetti ng jollibee at burger.

nagbalak magpakalasing pero nashort ulit ng pera kaya isang bote lang ng vodka ang nabili ko. at ngayon, nauwi ako sa pag-inom ng benadryl para makatulog.

so much for making plans on a friday night. buti pa si rebel wilson may super fun night.

28th on the 28th

happy birthday to me! yay!

well, i could call this day as the most boring birthday celebration ever. boring in the sense that i just stayed home and slept for most of the day. no big celebration and no drinking session. but hey, i was able to have dinner with my family so i can cross out that wish on my list.

today, i decided that i need to have a tradition. something that i will have to do each birthday. so now, i am making my life list for 2013-2014.

1. learn how to swim
2. pass the ielts
3. save!
4. travel to 3 new places
5. reach ideal body weight and maintain it thereafter
6. be an expert in ecg reading
7. celebrate my birthday in a different country
8. and the most difficult to achieve, meet my life partner.

goodluck to number 8. there you go, year 28!

Birthday Wish List

1. dinner with the family
2. full body massage
3. travel to a new place even for just a day
4. swimming lessons
5. portable external hard drive
6. haircut
7. new shoes for work
8. brown boat shoes
9. turtle pie of conti's
10.headset

Getting Old

few days from now, i am turning a year older. believe it or not, minsan, nalilito pa rin ako kung ilang taon na ako. 27 or 28 na nga ba? basta. minsan, i have to subtract the year that i was born to 2013. i feel like i stopped giving attention to my age but when my birth date is few days away, i get nostalgic and begin to feel old.

old kasi malapit na akong magthirty and in truth, i feel like i have not reached anything. yet.

well, that could stem from my point of reference. kung icocompare ko ang career path ko towards my friends na hindi naman nurse, madidisappoint talaga ako. or ang personal life ko naman sa mga nagpakasal, nagpapakasal, nagkaanak at magkaanak, i just have to think of my salary and okay na ang lahat. may justification na ako.

three things: ang aking AWOL na sa tantya ko ay magdudulot ng repeating the course sa aking master's degree, ang aking failed effort para maging fit at ang makahanap ng partner sa buhay. mga bagay na kumukurot sa puso ko.

sh*t, ang drama ko lang. pero sige. dahil malapit na nga ang birthday kaya siguro nagiging melodramatic ako.

bilang napagdesisyunan ko dati na babaguhin ko ang aking pananaw sa buhay, i have to be positive. kailangang magpasalamat sa kung anong meron ako.

i have to admit, mas na-appreciate ko ang family ko ngayon. same with my health and my work. these are true signs na tumatanda na ako but i am loving it.

kahit wala akong pera sa birthday, sige lang. i know my birthday next year will be better and bigger than ever.

Short

it was the first time. and i think, i will never forget it.

it started with my mouse playing on me. then the browser just went apathetic and finally, my laptop would not open anymore. the date was 26 and that would mean running very low on cash. but still, i had to make my laptop work. i was waiting for an important email.

greenhills saved me but it came with a price of 600 pesos. goodbye swimming lessons! goodbye travel plans. to think, i politely rejected the offer of my aunt to buy me a new laptop.

calculating my steps and well, the remaining money, my laptop was revived. aimlessly, i bought some stuff to keep me until the next pay day when it happened. upon paying at the counter, i realized that i was short on money and i had to cancel some stuff!

was i embarrassed? probably a bit but it definitely made a mark on me- that i should save and take care of the things that i have.

gotta have some discipline.

Adjusting

suddenly missed the people i worked with in egypt- ate emma, shiela and mark. makes me think back of the coping methods i used to be able to adjust in a new environment.

i don't want to question my decision. i just want to make it work.

Fin

i feel like i should mourn.

after the announcement of its end, the times that i was enjoying reading his stuff suddenly came into my mind. how he worships beyonce, how he loves pizza or how adores his nephew.

he does not know me but i know him from reading his blog. i was even too shy to comment for several posts that made me laugh out loud.

i wish you the best. thank you house of diarrhea.

Not Affected

Dear Charlton E.

Everyone at _______ Recruitment sends their greetings. We know you are doing really well at St Georges, and we are delighted we helped you to achieve your dream.

We are urgently looking for Nurses with NMC DECISION LETTERS or waiting for their decision as we have a hospital that wants to move very quickly to recruit.

If you know of anyone with a PIN or an NMC decision letter please ask them to contact me urgently.

Also if you know anyone in a Nursing home that is looking to work for the NHS I would be interested in hearing from them too.

Please spread the word as I know you are all fantastic when it comes to networking.

God Bless.


today, i received this email. i mean, seriously?

nang-aasar ba sila? but then, i know better. i have moved on and my life, though not perfect, has a lot to be thankful for.

there are no more what ifs and regrets. only of thoughts and dreams to fulfill.

Something Exciting

after working for straight 16 hours then another 8 hours for a night shift, i am finally on a rest day. actually, two rest days! technically, the first day was spent on sleeping and deciding whether to go home in the province or to wait for the unit to call me for work.

with a leap of faith, i went home only to be bothered by a text clarifying my schedule. i almost peed my pants when i did not know what to do for a minute or two. should i go home or not?

so here i am, being lazy again at the comfort of my "real" room in the province after satisfying my self from a nice breakfast with the family.

i wish i could do this everyday. however, this is not reality.

often, i sleep on the floor with my very old mattress in manila since the bed provided by the owner of the house cannot support my weight. in this way, my back is more stable and i get to move a lot around the floor.

then, there is this dust. and smoke. my room faces the road of which glorious vehicles honk mindlessly as i try to regain what was left of my humanity. few years ago, i gave up on sweeping and wiping the floor everyday since by late in the afternoon, the dust will then be there again.

i know it does not sound so healthy. and clean. but i love it and it has been my home for nearly three years now.

so when i come home in the province, i feel like a king. this and the dream of making it big as i indulge myself of pictures of everything beautiful and nice keep me going. even trying to live with a housemate who cannot properly dispose off her soiled sanitary napkin.

august marks the period where i can just count six months from my contract with current work then i am free to work overseas. it excites me and it makes me smile knowing that my hardship from living with a small salary is nearing its end. plus the not-so-clean room which ironically, i have come to love.

but then, my current lateral transfer to the intensive unit makes my heart divided. the thrill of learning and re-learning things make me appreciate more my profession but the desire to live in a more comfortable level seems to be irresistible.

whatever. i should be reminded again to live and think of the hear and now as ms. janice reminded me before.

at least, something exciting is happening.

Makeover

off on a saturday night. sounds fun? but no. am duty tomorrow, for the second time. pero sige, if i have to do this, then ok. i will have to endure it.

last night was tiring. intubated nga pero every ten minutes e tawag nang tawag. nakakapagod at nakakapanibago dahil sa hindi pa sanay sa mga routine. funny how few years ago, nagagawa ko pang magtea break habang may hawak akong patient na sobrang critical at isa pang madaming orders.

things change and in effect talaga ang law of disuse.

but please, i need an attitude makeover. stat!

Same Love

"And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

And I can't change

Even if I try

Even if I wanted to"

In the Middle

in the middle of harsh temperatures, lack of good soil and too much sun, this flower caught my attention while going down from the peak of mt. sinai.

i was reminded that i can still grow.  i can still be alive.  even when the circumstances around me tell me otherwise.

Critical Low

most of the days, my mind is just floating.  then, i get to work and force myself to change into nursing mode.  after that, balik na naman sa dati- internet addict, constant procrastinator and forever dreamer.  when combined, i accomplish nothing and i always end up asking myself kung ano na nangyari sa buhay ko.

i am always reminded of the realization that i had in the past- when things are going great, complacency sets in.  it is this battle that i have struggled for the longest time.  case in point, my masters.  when i started, i was still at the office and to compensate for not being a "true" nurse, i enrolled for my masters degree.  i was great back then.  now as a bedside nurse, i could not care less for the pending requirements that i have.  i feel like a wasted a lot of effort and money.

then, there is this pursuit to relearn all things that i have been doing in the past.  the drive is there but the discipline to read and to research seems to be in a stagnant critical low level.  hence, the constant posting of motivational messages.

hope it works.

Moving Up

my current anthem.

after more than a week at the intensive unit, i feel like a lost soul trying to find my way to heaven.  four years is way too long for me to be able to activate that nurse in me who took pleasure in caring for critically ill patients.

but, i am learning. again.

Try

trying to be a good son as well...

Mid

much as i would want to posts as often as i can, there is something in me that stops me from doing all the things that i should do. so i am making this post talk about june...

missing former colleagues. meeting new friends. candy gives birth. secret tagaytay outing. buffet at yakimix with isabel. kit's homecoming. rainy days. daddy's birthday.

My Rules

from theberry.com

To Do

to do list:
1. not give a f**k
2. that is all

Besties

i just miss them...i just miss us...

They Never Change

Burning

hi.

i looked back at the posts i made this year and it seemed that little by little, my blogging interest has dwindled down. no, i am not in love with someone else nor i am enjoying work. i just feel lost and that i do not know where to start or how to start to get back on track. well, i think i might have just flunked one subject for not completing the requirements while i am still in danger for another three more courses. tsk tsk tsk.

weight is up and so my voracious appetite. is it stress? probably. is it work? partly. work which somehow consumes 80% percent of my days for the week has somehow become me. i have become what i work for. in the process of making a living, i lost myself and now, i am in downward spiral of binge eating, self-loathing of unfinished tasks but in a weakening resolve to change.

i think i am drowning- in fear, in laziness and in aimless efforts to better my life. friends? they seem to have lost me. or is it the other way around? my original nursing unit is now in danger of becoming a memory. and that, all ties that bound the staff are starting to weaken.

my hope is still burning. and it will continue to burn. for now, i will try to uplift this bothered soul by pictures of life and love.

Visit

lunch time with pau.

Good Times

it's always a good time.

Hot April

goodbye april! you were literally and figuratively hot.

Jaded No More

to begin with, i was jaded.

but then, my aunts, who have not stopped taking care of my worries. next, my sister, who has served as my "negotiator." then there's benj, yash and matet- all of them never stopped encouraging me and just being with me.

to end, life is not that bad at all.

Thank You!

Marching On

as if the breakup was not enough, things started to go against my way.

nearing deadline for the super delayed portfolio, my laptop just went black. the screen just stopped permitting me to type my nursing care plan and all. and when was that? like two days from our pay day? to add, that was holy wednesday when i could expect a lot of stores to be closing down for holidays.

define panic.

i had no choice but to use the money allotted for rent. thirty minutes after, my laptop is working again. and just when i thought everything is beginning to be okay, i had a patient who had to remove his iv line because he just wanted to stand. he could have called me but then again, at 95 years old, would he mind my concerns? so there, i went home at 8:00 am when i handled only three patients.

i thought again, it is okay. i will be on off duty for like four days.

but thing is, i got robbed on a holy thursday!

it could not get any worse. so now, i do not have a decent mobile phone and it feels like i have not taken a vacation at all with all the sleepless nights and trauma of being threatened by a teenager.

so march, thank you. thank you that will be a thing of the past along with all the bad memories.

In Love

read from a facebook wall (jb's):

"Performance artists Marina Abramovic and Ulay met in 1976 and began an intense love story that resulted in a decade of influential collaborative works. When they felt the relationship had run its course, they decided to break up at the Great Wall of China, where both artists walked from opposite ends, met in the middle for one last hug, and said goodbye.

From March 14 to May 31, 2010, the Museum of Modern Art mounted a major retrospective and performance recreation of Abramović’s work. During its run, Abramović performed The Artist is Present—a 736-hour and 30-minute static, silent piece, where she sat immobile in the museum’s atrium. Visitors were encouraged to sit silently across from the artist and become participants in the artwork. Without her knowing, Ulay had come to sit in front of her."

Watch what happens.



why this video? wala lang. i just had my first break up. ganun lang. walang drama. walang regrets. walang lungkot. exactly what the relationship was all about: wala lang. benj says im not being fair to the person. dahil may pinaghuhugutan? yes. to think it happened to him, dapat man lang sana i cared for the feelings of the person.

pero hindi.

kumain ako nang madami. natulog. naginternet at nagtry gumawa ng school work kahit malapit na ang dead na deadline. kumunsulta sa isang mentor sa mga bagay tungkol sa career. siya? tumawag siya. hindi ko sinagot ang unang dalawang tawag. sa ikatlong tawag, career pa rin ang bukambibig ko.

i was unfair. and yes, i am still in love with myself.

Cool Change

three weeks. the length of being away from our unit and to my colleagues. in an instant, what i have known as my second home vanished. in it, the people whom i have come to love followed. it feels strange that these familiar faces start to become strangers for me. each time i go to my locker to prepare for another lonely shift, i cannot help but feel sad.

changes. i hate them. especially when they come so sudden that no warning is even given. but the thing with this recent changes, i have come to appreciate more what i have with telemetry- the staff nurses, ward clerks and nursing aides. even the type of patients and the routines that we do. as i type this, i have yet to submit school work for three subjects. depressed? probably. out of focus? maybe.

i guess i need some cool change...

Best

i mean, how can i leave them?

two months is too long to be away from my second family. i miss them already. . .

Multiple Choice

one week has passed and our unit is still closed. no repairs have been made and everyone is going crazy. what are you going to do?

a. magpalipat na sa intensive pero hindi sa coronary care unit
b. i-enjoy muna ang stay sa bagong assignment
c. hintayin magbukas ang telemetry
d. huwag pansinin ang mga pangyayari

looking for some wisdom....

Baptism

day 1 at the new unit of assignment. icu transfer. diaper changes. less than 24-hour post-operative phase. unfamiliarity with the new surroundings.

to sum it up: it was a tiring and exhausting.

my day started really well until a patient started to feel nauseated and vomited. then, the baptism of fire happened. i guess it could have been easier if i had the necessary tools-familiarity with the unit, a password to keep my need for the supplies answered and probably just the little things that make a shift smooth-micropore, calculator (lost it during the shift), marker and some nourishment.

to be fair, there were some people who were really kind. and helpful but then, home is really where your heart is. even if you had the busiest and craziest shift, still, if you are with the people that you work with on a regular basis, everything seems fine. i really do not know how long i can stand these- different unit, crazy shifts and the feeling of starting again.

First Day High

today, i spent my first day with the new unit i will be assigned to for the next two weeks.

it felt like starting all over again trying to win the respect of the people that i will be working with. except for the old patient that we usually have in my old unit, all of the people are new to me. even the medicine residents.

i miss them already.

A Closure and An Opening

this has been my home for the past year. its closure for renovation starting on march 4 kills my heart. and the rest of my colleagues.

the closure is forcing me to decide fast. is it time to go back to the intensive?

In Crisis

as far as i know, monster mom is in midlife crisis. coupled with her actual menopause, her constant "temper tantrums" and impatience were just some of the highlights.

monster mom never really had to work in life. after marrying dad, she spent her life taking care of us. with the help of yayas. she never practiced her profession which was midwifery. now that we are all grown up and the financial situation of the family is really not that pleasing, she kinda makes us feel that the life she is living right now is something she did now dream of.

complains. whining. comparisons to the life of her friends at the gym. my dad, my brothers and my sister- they just remain silent. i feel like her crisis is something that affects us all.

i don't know. i guess she has to conquer her monsters after all.

Help

i should have finished three chapters of my modules for oncology nursing. but, i could not help but blog. good luck to me.

i need help. my procrastination is getting worse.

Enter the Dragon

had to have a picture with these stuff to drive the bad spirits away...

The Solution

this bag will solve my problematic diet. after beings stressed out from work and domestic issues, i got this rucksack. here comes poverty diet!

Big Better Burgers

went bbb'ing two days ago together with yash. i think i have forgotten already that i should eat wisely.

Reward

this shoe represents the missed christmas dinner and the church service on new year's eve.

The List

be kinder. eliminate hate and doubt. smile often. eat healthy. walk more. understand more. extend patience. imbibe sincerity. do not procrastinate. start small. start something. read more. avoid complacency. meet deadlines. respect deadlines. recognize authority. value friendship more. be more expressive of feelings. say thank you and please. mean your words. say sorry. appreciate people and their efforts.

Please Be Good

goodbye january. along with the numerous patient admissions, stat intubation, crazy demands, rude people on the phone and difficult people on my shift as a charge nurse. please take with you the illogical cravings and mindless eating be it at home or at work.

may i find time to finally enroll myself in a swimming class. may you take also the discontent in my heart. bring with you the needless irritation from the smallest details that i observe.

february, please be good to me.

Food in My Mind

thai.

for like two days, i have been eating thai food. bagoong rice. spring rolls. seafood fired rice.

yeah, i have been eating like i was starved for five months. and then, here comes work making me feel like i deserved that cake and that hot fudge sundae.

yash, if you are reading this, do not feel bad. i wanted to eat those foods and i just can't stop.

here's the thing, haste really makes waste. so for now, i would like to take my time to do all the things that i love and all the things that i have to do.

including taking time to think of the next healthy meal.

Established in 1973

as i type this, i have been asking myself the direction that my life is taking right now.

unfinished assignments. incomplete school requirements. frequent internal whining at work. intense desire to leave the country.

there is this unrest in my heart that makes me question what i want in life.

i guess, your example should put me where i want to be- contented and at peace for you have gone to where your heart is.

happy birthday! cheers!

To Do

this year started by making everyone at the unit busy. high census. demanding relatives. sick people. this is how we roll.

totally spent and exhausted, i have yet to stop myself from binge eating and sitting in front of my laptop. thinking that i deserve all these unhealthy stuff, i wonder what the hell happened to my rest days.

discipline. self-control. priorities. i may have to start all over again.

Resistance

the new year.

i could not think of a perfect post to start the year but with this- me resisting to be the victim of apathy and lack of action to do what is right.

this is it...