Staying

hirap akong magblog.

at work, i get to open blogger and create some posts but the motivation was left in the heart of sampaloc while trying to extend sleep. and as if my responsibility is really that big to my few readers, i had to find some inspiration to write about.

so tuesday was that day when i thought i reached my limit with my new work. you see, i love to relax and enjoy the idea that i have no more work to do. i was wrong.

my boss decided that reviewing the study that i facilitated should be done by at least few hours before he will present it to the management. so i panicked. and i felt the pressure building in. he was not getting my line of thought and i was getting frustrated.

then time suddenly felt that i could use some slowing of the clock's hands. i typed like there was no tomorrow. i faced the computer like i was alone in the room. finally, it was done.

in my mind, i told myself that this is it. i will just stay here before i will get to be regularized (oh how assuming i have become!). but then, i felt the day hugged me and offered some comfort that these things are but normal. i gave in and breathed in the air of acceptance, humility and patience.

this is my life now. not near any patients or the alarms of syringe pumps. i am in my slacks not in my scrub suit. i give reports not medications. is this what i wanted? no. but just because i have not really realized what i wanted to do. so from here and there, i am staying.