if i am to compare it, nursing would be letter d. none of the above answer in a question.
i had it clear in my mind. i wanted to be dressed in fine clothes and not in a white uniform. i wanted an environment of people living their lives not in a place where people die. i wanted to have a night life and not a life spent on taking care of other people at night. i wanted to pursue a lot of things after work not forsake a lot of things after work. but hey, what do i have now? all the things that i did not dream of having.
call me "maarte" but that is just me and so it was an easy task for me. forget the medical field and take the other. three years later, i am now in the medical field. my point is, i never asked for nursing but somewhere along the way, it was handed to me. it came in a time when i was just wishing to get out of the world that i wanted. i tasted it and i thought, i am not meant for those things. so here i am, dressed in white in the middle of the night planning to sleep the whole day after work. this is me now.
did it ever happen to you that you do not want to decide anymore? you fear that you will make the wrong decision again so you will just let things happen. i came to that point and seriously, it crippled me for some time. until nursing came.
yesterday, i was busy watching the TV when i heard those familiar knocks on our gate. again. it was ate tess with another neighbor of ours. apparently, her mother was hypertensive and needed to have her blood pressure checked asap. since fate had me watch TV so i can heed to their call, i thought i heard God whisper to me that i should come. (talk about being delusional here)
i remember her, after reminding me that they were the previous caretakers of this land where our house now stood. those memories of me being dragged to go into a hot summer day trying to harvest all the calamansi that we can take suddenly came alive. i guess it was the time that i can somehow show our gratitude to them after all those forgotten years.
i went there and monitored her bp until her condition stabilized. good thing, her medicines were available as a son-in-law who is a physician gave instructions over the phone. we talked about a lot of things. of the glorious past and of things i barely can remember. it made me smile and it made me feel good.
as i found my way back home, i had in my mind the "kubo" that once stood in our place. it was very country style yet refreshing at most times. the mini-pool was there where i used to swim but unable to fully stretch my body. then those aggressive chickens who would snatch the bread that i was eating. but i never really enjoyed the times where i would always be bitten by ants or be pricked by the thorns of the mimosa.
i never knew nursing can bring these memories back. because when i was in high school, i would literally wriggle in pure uneasiness when i hear stories of blood and patients being struck in the eyes. or the woman who used a hanger to abort her child.
right now, i am a bit uneasy.