The Cycle Never Ends

on and off. up and down. what goes around comes around. a cycle. a full circle. in that full circle, the movement is just plain straight. of course, it is straight that is why it lead to that repetition. i mean no going the other way for it to miss its original path. my point is, nothing in my life right now is going to break the cycle. all seems to gravitate to pure heartaches and failures.

sigh and another sigh. i would like to refer to jonah's uncle again that my success is at a slow pace. gee, so much for fast tracking. i mean, how great my situation can be? it is like all the shit in this world aligned at my head just like the way the moon and the venus aligned together in that perfect night this week. but, i believe that at this period in my life, i am not alone.

there is benj of course who after quitting his job in the top construction firm in the country to work overseas has to learn a certain anomaly in his medical exam. it cost him that slot and later found out that the supposed-to-be problem with his exam was nothing. sucks for him to lose his job and then left with nothing. now afraid of working abroad, he is trying to find his groove back towards looking for another opportunity. that period of being left in the middle even led him to thinking of changing careers. almost surrendering to his childhood dream.

then there is karen who just finished her mba and has left her job in a high-profile bank to go to singapore without a job waiting for her. a gamble she says but a chance she has to take. scared as hell, she is gearing up for this exciting and frightening phase. the word "pakikipagsapalaran" is just too perfect for her.

we have jon as well who is on his way on the top of the marketing department in one of the biggest companies in the philippines. at 24, he is tailored to succeed but there are just these things that will give you a change of heart. the last time we talked, he is planning to leave his job for a yet-to-be figured plan.

okay. theirs may be not that shitty. only critical i guess. however, all are poised to produce that catalyst that we are all yearning for.

there are those problems involving relationships. there are also those battles with our inner selves venturing on the realist and idealist aspects of our humanity. they can be petty and they can be big. stress toys with us as a lion would toy with his prey leaving us almost shredded to the core of our selves. in these times, we are caught looking and hurting.

i am looking. looking for answers to why these things are happening to me. looking for chances that i can take. looking for reasons why i need to stay or move on. looking for what i can change about myself. looking for the courage to break free. looking for the motivation to start all over. looking for determination to keep me focus.

i am hurting. hurting over the fact that my chance to work to a wonderful place is in limbo. hurting because the family is not helping either and to add to the injury are the relatives who are bent on keeping my world smaller. hurting because nothing is going on my way.

tomorrow is a new day but i often wonder if it will be different. the way i see it, even the days are recurring. nothing much i believe for a frustrated and depressed soul. as always, i would want to get over this quarter life crisis even if i will just turn 25 this year.

now where is my faith?