Friday, May 7, 2010


"masungit siya no? hayaan niyo na lang siya."

at this, he had my ears to listen. to heed for some direction. it was so true that i had to laugh about it. he really got me there. admittedly, i am "masungit." wish i knew why but there are those times that i really wanted to be not that way. it is hard but i hope i will learn.

two days ago was yet again, a day to remember. i could have broke down due to another unforeseeable event that could either give me further delay or worst, rejection to that dream job. calloused, it was a bit fortunate for me not to feel sheer dejection and hopelessness. really wanted to cry but tears were not there. the angst that i would like to exhale through shouts were not doable for me as i have become unattached to all these craziness.

"nag-away sila ng kapatid niya no? dahil dun, may nasabi yung kapatid niya na sana hindi siya makaalis. dapat, magpadasal siya. mag-offer ng kung ano. hindi rin yan nakakatulog. pressured siya. mas maganda rin na umalis muna siya sa bahay para maging fresh ang isip niya. sana mangyari din sa kanya yung dating tumatawag saken. nakaalis siya after 20 days. nadelay din yun dahil ung isang kaibigan niya, sinabihan siya na huwag din makaalis. alisin din muna niya yung laman ng maleta niya. kapag sigurado na yung lahat tsaka siya mag-ayos. basta, magdasal at magoffer siya. bawiin din sana ng kapatid niya yung sinabi niya."

all the more that i wanted to cry. but no. i gave a smile to jonah who relayed all these things to me. toughing up my act, i though of texting benj to offer some prayers for me. maybe quiapo or st clare. sister can also probably do the same as she frequents quaipo.

my fist reaction was to be that bitter and forlorn. i was thinking of hating Him as well but then, a voice told me not to. anyway, it would not help right? me being that despondent would not bring me to anywhere. piles of negative energy will only result and i thought that my current situation brings enough of those shiz.

if there is one thing that i have come to realize is that a change of ways is really necessary. hate, anger and manipulation will not do good. bullying will not as well. what's next then?


Iwi finds said...

you know what? what you are going through right now is exactly the thing I have gone through when I was applying to Canada, except dun sa brother. MY sisters were all very supportive of me, or maybe, I should thank GOD that I don't have a brother? (smile please :p)

It was the anxiety that putting me down at that time, the same anxiety you are feeling right now.

Don't worry, you will be where you wanna be, sabi nga dun sa binabasa kong book, what you are constantly thinking, feel it, claim it and it will fall right on your feet.

Almost three months ago, I was in the same position (again), I don;t have a paper to work here anymore, I can stay because I paid for the restoration of my status while still waiting for my Open working permit status and my PR.

I was so depressed and full of hopes and the same time, kasi, I don't want the depression to work over me kaya kailangan mas maging hopeful.

You can have what you dream, but first you have to believe that you will going to have it.

How about, you try to find out if Law of Attraction is true?

Just pretend that you are curious if really LOA is true? :)

I just came across this new term, or maybe there's really a such word, This lady who has a very beautiful house/studio is saying that she is a POSSIBILITARIAN. I actually want to adapt to that word.

ang haba na ng comment ko hehehe. I feel like I want to continue kaso baka mabored ka na lol!


Charltoninho said...

thanks iwi and don't feel that way. you just don't know how your comments are comforting me. it is really a hard time taking in all of these things.

actually, it is not more of the anxiety that is putting me down but the pressure of having to deliver and help with the finances. though left unsaid, the atmosphere suggests otherwise. my two younger brothers are still in college and it is really important that i extend help with the finances. dad is too old now to work and it becomes apparent with the companies he sends his applications.

i thought of this dream constantly that even in my dreams, i think of it. i felt it and claimed it with me packing up my luggage and all. hindi ko alam kung hindi pa enough yun na adherance to the power of attraction. i have posted notes as well of me going to londo by this date until namomove ng namomove.

lahat ready na actually except for the registration sa uk. it is like the prc thing in our country. they want me now to send a copy of my registration details in egypt which is a bit impossible kasi i tried before and nareject na ako. dati pa nung nandun ako, i tried getting a copy only to be rejected hence, ang australian prospect ko napunta sa kangkungan.

the system there works differently. apparently, ang mga people responsible with the documents got a memo not allowing us filipinos to have one since nadala daw sila sa mga pinoy dati na kumuha nun at di tinapos ang contract.

as much as i want to be a possibilitarian, which is by the uber cool, i just wanted to move on. i am yearning for closure para makakilos na ulit ako at hindi mastuck sa ganitong situation.

i may sound na nawalan nako ng hope pero ayaw ko lang masaktan pa.

lastly, i am really grateful for the talk. sana we can chat sometime. if you don't mind, you can add me sa ym-

cheers! (kasi no choice tayo sa situation natin hehe)