Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Wrongful Path

"I really thank God that he has never led me to a wrongful path towards my success. :-)"

those were his words for me after i asked him how he was, for again, i am bugging him for his help. yes, this is all about getting the papers done for u.k. so i have to come back again to my roots in egypt.

do you think i am just being too sensitive with his words that i took them as "parinig" to my current situation and all the other decisions that i took? i don't know but one thing is clear now. i think i will never ask help from him again. he has helped me in the past and thank you for that. but in the past, he was also one of those people who would spill the details of a secret you told him to keep. for his mouth remains to be a land mine waiting to explode anytime should anyone step on him.

but, i did not pay attention to that. i was desperate before.

you see, i have given up hope to this thing. i wanted to move on and have the closure that i wanted. i actually told my parents about this and to their determination, they said they will give it a try. for the last time, i hope so. i felt actually embarrassed about my reaction and attitude. i have given up already. but my parents, unwilling to accept the fact that all the money spent were unsure of being wasted or turned into more gold, thought it was time to use the real egyptian connection. we will be asking help from egyptians who are actually in cairo.

i hope it will work. and if it doesn't, i hope i will know it as soon as i can. for months, this supposed-to-be opportunity has kept me stressed, worried and fearful of tomorrow. and it is not exactly a dream come true in this case.

friends will be friends, doing best what they can. giving talks and encouragements. even the necessary laughs i needed. benj told me to move on and set my eyes to other options while giving a try this last and very long shot. nam told me to give it a time frame. so yes, until the end of this month.

and by the end of this month, i may have gone to every monastery or every church begging help from God. jonah's uncle told her as well that my luck is not found here in the philippines so i might stick to that as i have made the rounds with all of the hospitals' websites and phone lines in manila. and unsurprisngly, no luck.

until then, the waiting game has not yet ended.

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