Shame

maybe my being away from the hospital scene has given me some nerves. really, i hate myself now.

coming home from my stay in the hospital with my grandma, i kinda had a bad feeling about myself. i do not know where it stems from but i dread it.

have you ever felt that nagging feeling that you are not that good?

i have always had that. that thing which pierces through my conscious effort to help other people. some would say that at my level, i should be confident. but, i am just having difficulty amidst my awards in college and past experience.

washing my face as if in attempt to wash away that feeling, i know i should be happy. to see our neighbor now in the same hospital as with my grandma and somehow being able to take part in her care, i should be at least proud of myself.