there is not a moment that i have not thought about my future. when you have nothing much to do, you are bound to be pre-occupied with what your heart desires.
the way i see it, the amount of free time that you have is equals to the amount of being anxious to what you want to achieve.
i desire to be successful in my career. i desire to be more knowledgeable of my profession and to the things around me. i desire being physically fit. i desire beginnings. i desire hopes for the future. i desire for love.
problem is, they begin and end only in desire. no action taken. i really tried hard but then i break free from the routine and i end up wanting to begin again.
a lot of fears and anxieties in life are rooted from not knowing the future. to say the least, not knowing what will happen next and not having any idea of it points you to a situation you are totally unfamiliar. being unfamiliar, just the thought of it actually, turns on the panic mode in your life.
then you crumble. even before tragedy happens to you. double the shit and double the damage.
i think i have gotten too far from thinking that is why at this very moment, i am shutting my brain from thinking of the unknown.
after all, who wants to experience shit twice?