Not Until I am Dead

is it time?

i don't think so. the headache and hyperacidity won't kill me. me not achieving will probably do. people are expecting a lot from this. so much progress in our lives is seen out of this. so is it time? i don't think so.

is it enough?

i don't believe so. as long as i can, i will do all i have to do to make this happen. i will try with all my might. lose all shame if possible and swallow the littlest pride that i have in my soul. all for this one big dream.

is it difficult?

i don't see it that way. they may turn my head upside down and force me to beg for mercy but go ahead, i will take it. i may whine always with my true friends but they never seem to run out of good words and concrete encouragement. difficult? it may appear so but life has a way of matching it with what i can and with what i have.

intense. tough. hellish to some point. starting again from the start with those forms, life can't get any more challenging.

is it time to give up? definitely no. until i am alive, i will still try. until i have friends who are willing to stand by my delusions, pessimism and depression, i will be inspired by them.

is it enough for me to dream big? not until i am living that dream. not until i am in a new place. not until i am capable of helping my family. not until i am dead and hopeless.

is it difficult to achieve it? hmm i'd say challenging enough for me to be hit big time in my nuts. making me feel the worst headaches to date and prompting my cells in the stomach produce excessive amounts of hydrochloric acid.

deep in my heart, He is teaching me something out of all these events. i just pray that i can handle them all.