Twisted

the word is a cruel place for those who follow the standards.

in a place where the good guys are seen as boring and unconventional to what people reckon as cool, it is pure misfortune for them to thrive in the changing times.

today, i happened to attend a fiesta of which, i was "tasked" to be the representative of my siblings. as many would come to know me as an introvert, staying home is always an option when it comes to birthdays, weddings and other social events. why would i waste my time trying to become more robust and offer my fake smiles tailored with awkward small talks to people i am not happy to see?

sister was busy trying to meet their quota of transcribed audios while the twins are in manila for school. dad will be alone since mom will just follow after her session at the gym. besides, i was the one who got their invitation when i met them accidentally at the mall so my sister deemed it right for me to attend.

aunts and nephews were there. food was plenty and surprisingly appealing to my taste. just then, this aunt of mine told us that a nephew was supposed to be bringing his girlfriend but then they broke up days before the fiesta. aww, poor boy. at 14, it is with pride that a lot of my aunts and uncles consider having a girlfriend as an achievement. not that i am bitter, but seriously? i have had enough of teenage love affairs and unwanted pregnancies to hear that piece.

back when i was at that age, i was busy with choir and school trying to stay in the honor roll. girlfriend? not yet. then i finished college and until now. not yet. so it came to a point when these relatives of mine would stop asking about my personal life. guess they have realized that i am not into opening my life to them as basically, they only become a part of me come these special occasions. time and time, i will hear stories about the current girlfriend of this cousin. then their break up while these relatives of mine would appear to be the most bitter of them all.

on my part, i am busy building my dreams, but without that special someone. the ridicule would have to pass me as again, it will come to their senses that my world does not revolve around "trivial" things. at 14, this nephew who spends a lot of time with his play station, acting very childlike and bratty to a certain degree needs to be studying harder. his mom is not in paris to travel, she is working her ass off to meet the needs of her family including the trifling things her spoiled children are lusting for.

the conservative in me is taking control but honestly, i am sometimes in a situation wherein i have to analyze why other people can be good at all things. these things included. well, orientation has definitely made its point with me. my family, mother side specifically has a lot of concrete living examples. i have three aunts, two grandfathers and one grandmother (siblings of my mother's mom) plus around three other uncles who are cousins of my mom, all into single blessedness. some have achieved what they have to achieve while others not so.

all my life, i have played by the rules and somehow, will probably be doing the same on most part. a lot has to be done with my calculated manners and estimated reactions but honestly, i yearn for better reception of good guys like me (ahem, i believe i am good). many will tell that someday, all will matter.

that part, i perfectly understand. a firm believer of delayed gratification, it is not challenging for me to accept that indeed, good guys finish last. however, there will always be a time when you will have to ask this question, why can't we finish first?

is our world really that twisted?