Throwing Up

i am now truly perplexed.

to how should i feel about all the things around me. to the things i ought to think. to the measures that i will have to take.

as if groping was not enough, the light proved to be extinguished with each passing day. but i hope not. this is me, being over realistic to the point of being pessimistic.

am i numb now? probably. how about more trusting? i would like to think that way. friends, i hope i am not wearing you down with all my worries. life for me has provided certain twists that can shame the starstruck show (always blabbing about twists).

few minutes ago, i received the forms for my overseas nurses program and for my would-be accommodation in u.k. well hey, these should bring good news. sadly, i am horrified because until this very moment, i am not sure where the reference letters from egypt are.

did kuya alex really mail them? was he able to have the translation of the tracking number? since according to richard, it is his off today. i pray that my message to him was compelling enough for him to respond. i do hope so.

if you could just see my nervous smiles every time people wish me well about my soon departure, you would pity me. packing my things is the last thing on my mind right now as i endure the heat of the el nino sun in this side of the world.

cry. cry harder. this my other half would like to do but my constant meditation and reflection would always oppose to this and somehow calm my heart.

pray. pray harder. until something happens. i am. every moment that i can. my friends as well.

and now i am gonna throw up due to equal parts of anxiety and unsure confidence.