Three Things

beginnings, closures and starting over.

these words perfectly describe my year.

i was about to begin a new life in libya when a revolution decided that it was not for me. i had a closure when i withdrew my papers and started again with my life at the office after retracting my resignation.

i was about to begin my nursing career at the bedside with my old company when my attempt was rejected. i searched for other hospitals until san culas came. now, i am starting over at the telemetry unit.

i have already said that i was praying to be back at the bedside by the first quarter of 2012 but even now, God has decided that i have to be at the bedside by December of 2011.

God is so merciful that even if i end up with a failure or a closure, there is always another beginning where i could start over again.

my faith tested and my endurance was showing its prowess. friends, families and enemies as well has given me the force to continue and to carry on with my life.

goodbye 2011. you have changed me forever.

welcome 2012. i welcome you with great hope knowing that with God, you will be a prosperous year for me and my family. and that you will prove to be better than 2011!

2011 Part 4

october



twins' birthday. first semestral break from my masters'. got a 1.25 and 1.00 for my two subjects, yay! after waiting for almost a month and getting busted at the office for applying at san culas, i finally got the text that i was scheduled for an examination. i passed and i moved on with the first part of the interview portion...

november



chriselle went home from canada! reunion at red box! yay!



one of the most stressful months of the year as i had to process my application for san culas while still employed with fundamental tossan. i was absent for at least five days and stress was building up on me.

then i passed the final interview. medical exam almost did not allow me to proceed as i had elevated blood pressure and i was overweight. i risked it and started with training at san culas. i resigned from work and had to serve a two-week notice so for two weekss, attended training from 8-5 then from 7-11 pm, i had to go to work at fundamental tossan. weekdays were also spent at work but i did not complain. i was happy with san culas...

december





never expected i could be busier than when i was working at the office. i was making videos, taking exams and performing nursing skills for training. i was tired but i was happy.







got new friends and learned so many things. monster mom is becoming money monster mom. boo! christmas and new year with only the four of us at home. glad to have my relatives from my mom's side. yay!

2011 Part 3

july



met poan! yay! went to their place to celebrate lei's first birthday. lechon!

august

had my acls training and i passed after almost bleeding to death of the things that i had to learn. jonah left our house and went home. benj was mad at me for over a week after my comment on his post. my stupid mouth was to blame.

september





birthday month! pau went home and the gang went to enchanted kingdom. celebrated my day with three of my closest friends- christian, pat and may at trinoma! yay!





tried to ask for transfer to the nursing service but got rejected. i was told to make a back up plan so i did. i passed my credentials at san culas.

2011 Part 2

april



met sheila who came home from saudi. truly one of my closest friends. we talked about our careers and life in general. from here, i decided to take chances if ever i pursue my career with quality management or if there is a chance to go back to the bedside.

may

still not in a harmonious relationship at home. botcha girl was still botcha. big boss rejected the request of his another staff to transfer at the bedside making me consider my chances of doing the same.



benj went home!

june



started school at upou! yay! mavs won their first nba crown! wohoo! watched hillsongs concert! yayuh!

2011 Part 1

as i grow old, i become more sentimental. this year, i have been through a lot of emotional, psychological and physical challenges that looking back, i feel a mix of joy, sadness, relief and gratefulness.

so now, i am taking a moment of the remaining time before i bid goodbye to this year of knowing myself more. to the year that has stretched my endurance towards the challenges of life.

january



i grabbed the chance for an interview to be back at the bedside. at the end of the month, i was busy preparing my papers.

february

i resigned from work and told them i was going to libya. i was done with my medical exam, papers (care of my sister) and resignation letter. did not sign my regularization papers and then, protests in egypt occurred and the next thing i knew, libya was in revolution as well.



my sister left the country for qatar when i was sure i was leaving the country. i had to accept the fact that my chance to work overseas disappeared into thin air. i could not do nothing but watch.

march



the twins were done with college. dad left for haiti and i retracted my resignation. i accepted the fact that i will be working still with bitchy boss and botcha girl.



i started looking for school were i can take my masters. anne from egypt and i had dinner as we reminisced the past where all we could care were the patients to take care of. we were both clueless as to where to go again after the libyan dream was put on hold. indefinitely.

Four

four.

mom, me and the twins. the four of us will be celebrating the new year at our home. as far as i can recall, this is the first time that we will welcome the coming year with four people.

suddenly, i felt myself swallowing the words i said to those people wanting to be complete come Christmas. i never felt the silence of our house nor the spaces that were so used to the noise of many people- my dad, sis and jonah.

this year is different. but still, many thanks to you 2011.

Broke But Happy

i spent my night walking in front of our house trying to burn the extra cups of rice i have taken at dinner.

this is good. at least, i was spared from spending at least 300 pesos for food and coffee at our annual high school reunion.

at the last minute, i bailed out. i was a good liar to my friends/ classmates. i thought that i need to save some money as i am not sure if i will have some money to spend in the next three weeks for food.

i am literally broke.

but you know what, i am happy that i am broke for the right reason. my current status professionally has given me the reason to wake up with extra excitement knowing i will wear my white uniform and that later during the day, i will be at the bedside.

in the mean time, i still need to lose 6 more kilos and the holiday season is not helping me at all. good luck!

Hoping

hi.

was busy again as i started my real clinical exposure at the telemetry unit. i miss this- writing my heart on this humble home.

i hope i can all write my emotions, experiences and lessons learned for this year before it ends.

always,

charl

Hearty

i had enough with the negative posts.

this is me, channeling the more positive person that i can be. so i will begin with my work now. as you know, i am still with the training department of the nursing service. yesterday was my second day of deployment at the unit which i will be assigned.

if the guy from london is into the kidneys and the guy from california is into bones, i have just re-affirmed my commitment to the heart.



in the past, i have worked as a critical care nurse handling cases from the medical intensive care unit and the coronary care unit. however, i was really handling more medical icu cases rather than the coronary cases.

when our area of assignment was announced, i was not entirely happy. i wanted an intensive area of assignment but i was placed at the telemetry unit. all of that changed when i had my exposure at the telemetry unit. i realized that the cases admitted at the unit were exactly similar to what i was handling at the coronary care unit in egypt.

even the medications and the routine were somehow close to what i had before. and with that, i fully embraced my assignment. in fact, it was the next best thing to my first choice of assignment which was coronary care unit. with my new work, the coronary care unit is just five steps away from our unit. logically, if i wanted to be transferred to the intensive area, it would be best if i will be at the coronary care unit.

our plans are really limited. we thought that with our plan, it is the best one for us. when shit happens, we sulk and feel down. this Christmas, i have learned to fully trust Him with my life- career, love life, finances, family and happiness.

Merry Christmas!

*picture taken here.

400

i guess 400 years was not enough for you to be honest with yourself that you are really not that bright to be at par with your colleagues who came from schools you never heard of.

or schools you do not want to recognize. and so you decided to intimidate the gentleman whom you consider as your friend to change the answers of your exam. sensing that he would not give in, you just grabbed your paper without giving a thought to the other people inside the room.

and i guess, being the pontifical one did not make you a human being who knows how to work with other people and much more exhibit values that should be inherent to people who come from your institution.

good luck to you. may you prove your self-proclaimed worth.

Copa del Rey

i am saying adios to you. keep safe and strong.

Changes

hi!

this is me, charl. i hope you still remember me. yes, i have been very busy the past few days but i would like you to know that i am very happy. so happy that i don't miss fundamental tossan at all.

i have new friends now. i laugh more and i interact with people you might think i would not bother giving attention. i encourage people a lot.

it is with pleasure to announce also that i did not hate myself for getting scores of 3/5 for my skills validation exam. i did not blame other people but focused on myself. perfection is something i do not long for. i am for the learning and improvement.

i am not perfect also. and i am loving every minute of it. these changes i guess were something i needed.

God is really good. two months ago, i was praying to be back at the bedside by next year. today, the year will end with me back at the bedside. there is really a God in this world that is full of doubt, hatred and chaos.

yes i am financially broke but i am happy. i did not leave. i was just busy enjoying life. :-)

Just Because

i am at the office right now. from this moment, it shall be exactly three days more before my time is up to what has been my home for more than a year.

then, a new place awaits my arrival.

one of the things that you encounter when leaving a comfort zone is the fact that you do not know anything about the new place beyond your zone. i will tell you at this moment that i am scared.

but, i really want this bad. so i will not stop just because i am frightened or a crazy voice in my mind keeps telling me to be embarrassed for having to start all over again when some of my batch mates are already seniors in the institution.

by this time, i think i am old enough to know what matters most.

happy sunday!

Right and Happy

as the guy from london said his goodbyes, i was also saying mine to fundamental tossan.

there was only one person who wished me well about my departure. well, the only person who cares about my future being her friend. for that, i will be truly grateful to her.

on tuesday, it will be my last day here.

you know how i feel? i feel happy. excited. and liberated. not that i hated working here it is just that, it is about time that i think about my career and professional growth.

my training with san culas is more than what i expected. every minute counts and every lesson is valuable. the difference is the quality and i can perfectly say, i made the right choice.

in the past, i have always been plagued with negative thoughts. worse, regrets. regrets for doing this thing or for not doing the other thing. i am that of a pessimist. a realistic which sometimes borders on being cynical and somehow not trusting myself and the Creator.

i talked to the guy from london yesterday. at the exact moment he was boarding the train en route to his new home. he was happy too.

you just know when you made a right decision. it just feels right.

Alive

hi!

sorry, pagod lang. sobrang puyat at ang dami lang ginagawa. ok naman ako. buhay pa naman mula sa halos walang tulog na set-up hanggang mairaos ang huling araw sa fundamental tossan.

mahirap pero ginusto ko. eto muna ngayon. paalam!

Shut Down

second day of training.
time: 8:20 p.m.
current mood: pissed

few minutes ago, i spent 150 pesos just to reach my workplace on time. but, i did not. then my brother called me. i repeated to him my request of bringing my clothes to the laundry shop but told me he was informed by our youngest sibling to just bring my clothes at home so the housemaid will do it for me.

however, he hesitated and asked me if he is the one to bring back the clothes to manila. come to think of it, who else but him? he knows my schedule. i barely sleep and stay at home. i come late at night and i am the first one to leave the house. how is it possible that it would be me to bring back the clothes?

forgive me but i was really irritated. he could have just said okay with the laundry and just left the part of bringing the clothes in pampanga to the rooms of forgetting. but he did not.

i mean, all i need is understanding but then, even the directions i told him for the type of laundry was missed out by him. so i had to speak to him in a raised tone as i am forcing my way to the very congested roads of e. rodriguez avenue. i told him, just do nothing. leave. i will just do it by myself.

i am tired. literally and figuratively. but to get from my mom this response, " Ewan ko ba sa inyo at hindi kayo nagbibigayan. Alam mo namang tamad yan." that's it? no reprimanding or no words to correct the act of my brother? can somebody tell me which part na hindi ako nagbigay for my brother?

with the bombarded brain which i think has decreased its capacity in holding information, i just want to shut down. but as all of you know, i can't. i still have to work tomorrow.

God help me.

ASAP

today is my first day of training.

and my crash diet.

i need to lose at least 5 kilos asap!

Becoming Panda

hi!

it is 10:25 pm on my watch and i am at work. this is part of my deal with the gods of the office. starting today, 8-5 pm will be spent on training at san culas while from 7-11 pm, i will be working for fundamental tossan.

i don't know if i will last until november 30. but it is needed since they have accepted my farewell speech.

in few days, i will become a panda.

AWOL

where do i start?

ahh, two weeks ago. that was the time i had the initial interview. one day later, i was absent again for work since i had to attend my skills exam.

imagine this: i received the text at 8:00 pm. my nursing uniforms were all in pampanga so i had to travel there to get them. woke up at 3 am so i could get at the office at 8am just in time for my presentation.

our meeting where i had the presentation ended at 11:30 am. my skills exam was at 1:00 pm. little boss had asked me to check one memo which took me until 12:30 pm to finish. at 12:45 pm, i was still at greenhills.

walking the streets, it began to rain. tears welled up as i realized how hard my situation was. i uttered a prayer for strength.

exactly at 1:00 pm, i was at san culas. manong taxi was sent by God. the skills exam started at 2:00 pm. i was called for my turn at 4:00 pm and got the results at 5:00 pm.

i passed and i moved on to the final interview.

last tuesday, i had my final interview. i knew i passed the moment i said my goodbye to the panel. actually, i had believed from the start that i can make it this far.

what made me worry was my resignation. it was so immediate that i shocked the two bosses. it was not received positively. in fact, they would not sign it.

the last time i checked, they knew i applied at san culas. so what am i missing here?

in the coming two weeks, they would be tough. in my attempt to leave in a "peaceful" manner, i may have to attend training from 8-5 pm then fly to my current work taking the night shift.

my friends tell me otherwise. and i would like to listen to their advice: AWOL!!!

Ryan

thanks for the call...

Here and Now

The idea that "the great opportunities lie just over the horizon, in the next valley, with the next job or the next big thing" is not true. It lies here and now - and you are ready to grab it, regardless of your imperfections. - Paulo Coelho

eto lang naman ang aking status sa fezbuk.

actually, hindi ko alam ang meaning nito. dapat bang magstay ako sa kung ano ang meron? o dapat bang sunggaban kung ano ang offer saken?

dapat bang umasa sa isang bagay na hindi pa dumarating? o dapat humanap ng aking daan para matupad ang mga pangarap?

ang hirap.

*photo taken here.

Toxic Cartwheels

the past few days i think would top the days where i felt the most stress. toxic!!!

the guy from london has moved to the country side and i guess, i am not to be left out with issues of change.

san culas has finally texted me. this week, we only had three working days due to the holidays. and out of that three, i went to work for only two days since i had to attend to my interviews and exams.

i passed the initial interview the other day and yesterday, i had to sell my skills. the review of my performance was unbelievable that i am close to being hired should i pass the final interview and medical exam.

what is making me feel so much stress is that if i am in with san culas, i have to resign within a span of 9 days. no certificate of employment and i have to pay my loan. though the office may have an idea, it is still hard to bring it out in the open.

i really don't want to burn bridges and i want a merry christmas. transferring means no salary for three months. that i will be living from the support of my family (no savings). and that i will be starting from zero in a new place with no assurance that i will be placed in my favorite area.

as one colleague said, it all boils down to my priority and my one big goal. will the next step bring me closer to my goal?

right now, i feel like i am doing a thousand cartwheels towards my goal.



*photos taken here and here.

21

21 na sila.



uma-adelle lang ang dalawa. legal na ang dalawang bubwit sa bahay. matapos ang isang araw na binayak ang tiyan ni monster mom, may dalawang monster ang dumagdag sa pamilya.

naging kritikal ang mga panahon na iyon. kahit mag-aanim na taon ako noon, nalaman ko na walang trabaho ang aking puder.

naging mahirap para sa dalawang batang sumususo ng gatas at sa dalawa pang bata na nasa elementarya na.

wala rin naman pinagkaiba sa mga nagdaang panahon. mahirap pero okay lang. nakakaraos ang lahat.

pero ngayong 21 na ang dalawa, i just wish them maturity.

oras na to take things on their own. to learn things beyond those what we teach them. wag lang umasa sa mga sinsabi namin. pero, i don't want them to really be too independent naman. na kapag tinuturuan ko, ayaw naman nilang makinig.

ganyan lang sila. madalas, matigas ang ulo. and paminsan minsan din, hindi gumagana ang aking usual arsenal of weapons- intimidation, blackmail, frame up at persuasion.

sa nakaraang dalawang linggo na magkasama kami ng isang bubwit, madalas kaming mag-away. blame it with generation gap at pagkakaiba ng pagpapalaki, para akong nauupos na kandila sa enerhiya once na nagsimula na ang aming argumento. isang obsessive compulsive at isang burara na walang paki sa iba, i am like exiled sa haiti.


at eto ang resulta ng isang pag-aaway namin.

but thing is, ang presence ng dalawang monster ay hindi rin naman masama. lalo na kapag may mga bagay akong ayaw na gawin. may nauutusan lalo na kapag nauuto.

pero sige, i take this birthday of yours as a step in your growing up. i will give you this chance for proving me wrong.



in the mean time, i need massage. please lang, gawin niyo na kambal dahil matapos kong magpakahirap sa inyong birthday celebration kahapon. now na! or else, ibubunyag ko ang mga sikreto niyo sa facebook!

*photos taken here and here.

Headache and The Bones

headache.

one sensation that would describe my stay here. long weekend but long bout with the remnants of the flu virus.

so i started spending my vacation by watching what was supposed to be fitting for holloween- the lovely bones.

well, it was not actually scary. it was heavy. heavy in that it struck a lonely feeling. and a sad one.

but, it was alright. i love mark wahlberg as an actor. i can always relate to his vulnerability. it may not be that strong but it has always been effective.



i think i could never sleep alone anyway. not at these times. but crap, i have always been sleeping on my own.

*photo taken here.

Three Things

three things: inis, pagod at risk.

inis
as fate would have it, i passed the exam. i have moved on to the interview portion with all hopes of not doing a venus raj moment. after scoffing my stock of nursing knowledge, i was gifted with a mini celebration.

with careful thought of what to reason out for being absent, i made my way to the hospital of San Culas. one hour passed, i got a text from the nursing recruitment that the interviewer is sick so i will have to go back at 1pm.

so off i went to home and at 1130 am, i was again inhaling the toxic air of quezon city while corporately dressed in a very hot lunch time. i think i will be sick again after today. as soon as i got off from the jeepney, i got a text again saying that interview is postponed. instead, i will just have to come tomorrow.

i was really irritated for the unprofessional behavior and lack of respect for my time. i may be the one in need of a job but then again, i am still working for another hospital.

pagod
travelling to and fro to San Culas was not easy. i braved the harsh weather conditions of quezon city. i exceeded my daily dose of carbon monoxide. all in the meaningless waste of time and money.

i am tired. my body has not yet recovered from the flu that has hit me over the last two weeks. my cough is still making papansin and i could see eyes in fear over my continuous cough.

risk
i texted the personnel at San Culas to just reschedule my interview. i have too many absences from my current work and getting approval for my leave of absences may be too challenging.

did i just risk my chances for employment? probably. did i just showed my disinterest from the work? i hope not. but thing is, it was just not right for me to be treated like that.

so be it. if they call me again, then thank You, Lord. but if not, then maybe the work is not for me after all.

**********************
ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ, is this what you meant when you said that "sometimes you have to go to where you think the grass is greener to realize the grass is not greener on the other side?"

Miss

bukod sa exam, ang mga bilin ni ate na ipapadala sa isang taong paalis papunta ng qatar ang isa ata sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako tinamaan ng flu.

ang toxic lang ng Bible na pinapahanap niya. abonado pa ako sa biyahe at paglalakad sa sta mesa.

naisip ko, sige na nga. para sa isang kaluluwang sabik sa mga bagay na galing dito sa pinas.

nung 2008, lumipad ako papunta ng Ehipto para magtrabaho. walang baon na arabic o alam na kaibigan, nangibang-bansa ako.

higit sa pagkamiss sa pamilya, mas namiss ko ang pagkain. ultimo patatas kasi doon ay may lasang arabo. ang tomato sauce, ganun din. pati ang mga noodles na galing ng oriental side ng mundo ay parang may lasang arabo.

hindi gaya sa california na parang hindi ka umalis ng pilipinas, ang ehipto ay okay na rin kumpara sa saudi. well, kung ang pag-uusapan ay ang degree ng iyong kalayaan. nakakalakad naman ako kung saan ko gustong pumunta. hindi kailangan ng permit. ngunit, limitado lang ang mga choices mo- pagkain, lugar na pupuntahan, at mga ibang bagay pa na magpalilibangan.

ang sabi ko kay ate masyadong madami siyang pinapadala. hindi ba siya mapepressure kapag siya ang umuwi? well, mukhang hindi pa nagsisink-in sa kanya ang consequences ng laging pagpapadala sa mga taong paalis o papunta ng qatar.

namimiss daw niya kasi ang food. actually, nagcacrave daw. well, goodluck sa kanyang pagpapayat.

nung magpunta ako ng egypt, ilang buwan pa lang akong nagtatrabaho dun nung natapyas ang ilang kilo ng taba sa aking katawan. marahil sa pagod at kakulangan ng pagkaing pinoy.

hindi ko alam kung kelan ulit ako makakapagabroad. tatlo o limang taon mula ngayon? hindi ko masabi. sa ngayon, ieenjoy ko muna ang mga bagay na meron sa pinas. ang usok, alikabok, mga snatcher, mga bastos na driver, mga basura sa tabi-tabi, mga palengkerang tao. ang traffic, ang mahabang pila kahit saan, mga jeep, kuliglig at mga tambay sa kanto.

Karma

I don’t know if it is just me or what but I never stay in one place. Well, after a year that is. Man as they say never knew the meaning of contentment. So here I am, pondering the things that have happened over the last few weeks which brought me to the worst flu that has hit me in recent years.

Okay. I admit, I have applied for a nursing position at the hospital of San Culas. It started a month ago when a friend told me they were hiring.

I did and not even 24 hours since my application, it has come out in the open here at the office. Talk about being busted. And awkward.

Apparently, someone from San Culas called the chief nurse of our institution asking why me (a lowly analyst) would apply at their institution. This happened few hours after I submitted my papers at their office for consideration.

In shock or bewilderment probably, the chief nurse called our office and asked if I resigned already. And poof, it became Koko Crunch!

Alarmed, big brother and big sister reached out to me if I want to be at the bedside here at fundamental tossan. I said, I will think about it. Spell hesitation. I reasoned out that the reception of the narsisas here might be different. And awkward. Besides, I made a promise that I will not make my current post as a stepping stone to achieving the fame of a narsisa.

So that was me actually refusing their offer for a nursing post. This has left me thinking if I made the right decision. But, how will I know since San Culas has not yet contacted me.

Fast forward to last Wednesday, San Culas texted me for an exam the following day. After concocting a quite believable reason for sick leave and cramming for reading my notes, I went to the battlefield with nothing to lose.

I passed the first exam, an IQ measurement of some sort. It was one of the most difficult exams that I ever took. I prayed that should I move on to the next round (pageant-like?), it is really meant for me. And yes, I did move on to the next two rounds- the psychometric and the clinical exam.

The clinical exam, which will determine if I will move on to the interview portion, was kinda okay for me. I believed that I was able to answer most of the questions which brings me to question my clinical knowledge.

Why in the world, have I not received a text that I shall move on to the next round when it was supposed to be sent since last Friday? Did I fail the exam? Or is it because the department has not yet texted anybody pending the results of other examinees?

One part of me says that I should be happy. My failure (if I did fail the exam), would mean that I would not have to deal with my student loan at fundamental tossan. It would also mean a better record for my resume since it would show that I can stay in a work for more than a year. After some time, I could then request for transfer to the bedside with the area of my choice. That would also mean I have salary for the Christmas season.

But that would necessitate longer time with botcha girl. Plus the inconsistencies of the system of which I belong.

The other part in me wishes that the absence of a text from San Lucas was just a case of unsent messages. If indeed I failed, this is such a wake-up call of my nursing knowledge.

True to the words of the recruitment personnel, answer like your life depends on it for truly, your life will change should I fail or pass the exam. In what manner? I do not know yet.

Is this a classic case of karma? Or a redirection to where I am supposed to be?

The Next Sign

Day off. Gabi, mga mag-aalas otso. Papatapos na ang summer ngunit mainit pa rin. Ang langit, maaliwalas pa rin. Walang ulap. Wala ring bituin. Subalit, ang buwan ay nagmamalaki sa kanyang liwanag. Siya ang bida sa kalangitan doon.

Ilang araw ang nakalipas, nabili ko rin ang bagong digital camera na ninanais ko. Pagkatapos ng mga nakakapagod na pagtatrabaho, may naibunga rin ang lahat. Ready na ako para mag-upload ng mga larawan sa aking blog at facebook.

Wala pa rin internet connection ang aming flat. Tahimik. Kaya’t napagdesisyon kong puntahan ang flat ng mga kasama sa trabaho para makigamit ng internet. Dala ang dalawang cellphone, coin purse na may lamang iilang piastres (perang barya sa Egypt), flash drive at ang aking bagong camera.

Mainit ang hingin. Tahimik kong pinihit ang tarangkahan ng aming pintuan sa flat at naglakad ng walang pangamba sa gabi na pinamumunuan ng mga halakhak ng mga batang Egyptian na nagfu-football sa daan.

Ang buong akala ko, mag-isa akong naglalakad. Walang kasunod o walang ibang tao na patungo sa aking direksyon. Wala naman din akong naramdaman na kakaiba. Kaya’t ganun na lang ang aking pagkagimbal nang biglang sumulpot ang isang mama na may hawak na kutsilyo. Pipindot na lang ako ng doorbell ng aking mga katrabaho ngunit nangyari pa.

Hindi ko siya maintindihan.

Basta ang alam ko, hinihingi niya ang aking mga gamit- cellphone, pera at lahat. Napangiwi ako sa takot at kaba. First time ko.

Sa Pilipinas, maswerte ako na hindi ako nakaranas nito. Pero sa lahat ng lugar, dito pa. inisip ko ang aking magiging itsura. Ipapacremate kaya ako o kaya naman ay ireref at ilalagay sa parang kahon na kahoy pauwi sa pilipinas. Morbid pero dumating ako sa punto na what if mamatay ako.

At that point, I told myself na uuwi na talaga ako. Ito na ang hinihingi kong sign.
*************************************************************************
Two years passed, I am home.

My camera is still here but the batteries are not functioning. Luckily, I came home whole- and alive. I guess I am still blessed after all.

Now, the next sign shall be anticipated.

Plus

good morning monday!

today, i hope i can take it all- the madness, the demands and increasing patience. after what happened last night (a brutal argument with my brother, who is now staying with me), i decided upon opening my eyes from sleep that today will be a different one.

better. more positive.

so this is me trying to change my day.

have a great week ahead!

List

my list was full.

cook. do the laundry. clean the room. iron uniform. compute finances and make budget. go to church. have foot massage.

out of those tasks, i was not able to do three. i woke up early knowing that my list extends to Fairview. but, i spent half of the day reading nam's earliest post. surprised that he started blogging in 2004, i kinda devoured the posts.

reading them was like reading my blog. especially when he started in the u. s. of a. the emotions, the choice of words and the flow of the story. all natural.

as of this moment, i am resting from doing the other tasks on my list. i think i have a serious problem with procrastination.

this can't be good.

but then again, tomorrow will be another list.

Childlike

I have read somewhere that you do not stop when you have not achieved what you want to achieve. That you have to work harder in order to fulfill your dreams. That you need to continue searching and working what your heart truly desires.

As one entity advised, I need to have my back-up plans should my attempt to go back to my professional roots fail. With that, I might leave my comfort zone and meet new people who are more atrocious than those I regularly meet.

This is the part where my envy for little children comes in- when somebody decides for them and the only thing that matters to them is playing.

And eating when hungry.

Oprah Positive

So last Thursday and Friday, I attended something what you may call as the most appropriate workshop ever created for the disturbed employee soul that is in me. It was about the eight habits of conscientious worker.

For all the one or two readers out there in my blog, you know my troubled history of staying in one workplace when I reached that one year anniversary date.

I am that restless.

The workshop provided some new perception about life in general. Including the warfare at the jungle called office. In my last post, I decided to be a bitch but thing is, if it ain’t natural, it ain’t real. Does that make me good? Monster mom tells otherwise haha.

And yes, the workshop was like full of positivity. Really learned a lot especially in having control over all the sh*t the office carefully offers. Like a box of chocolates, I can choose not to pick them. But, experience proves otherwise.

The cheapo soul also was satisfied by given the free access to the video about “The Secrets.” Partly, I can actually tell that it has some truth in it as my state of my mind is in chaos; hence, my career path is also in discord.

Right now, I am trying to create that one big goal that my life will somehow accomplish. Thoughts will be reprogrammed to be positive. Smile lines will be evident in my big face.

And hopefully, this blog will be a lot positive in content.

Like Oprah positive.

Of Bitches and Perfect Life

bitches.

they are everywhere. in offices. in schools. in churches. in the buses. in the hospital. in the street.

they are those people who remind you that life is not perfect by making their presence felt. like fulfilling the role that was meant for them.

in these times of big decisions, bitches should be non-factor.

this is my life and i intend to make it close to perfect by banishing the roles of the bitches.

well, by being one.

Report Card

semestral break is finally official.

let me now do an evaluation of my self as a returning student at the post-graduate level.

1. Procrastination

i believe i could ace my exams and assignments if i did not let procrastination rule over me. two of my advanced pathophysiology assignments were done in haste hence, the poor quality.

i am just hoping for a good remark on my final exam and participation from online discussions. this, i should change come next semester.

2. Higher learning

the u.p. approach is different. application and integration of concepts learned bring about higher learning. learning is beyond memorization of concepts.

as for myself, it was not really that different or difficult. this is why i believe i made the right choice in going with u.p.

3. Time management

there was a point during the previous semester when i felt so overwhelmed with school requirements in the midst of a busy work load.

with time management, i believe i will not have difficulty in fulfilling two roles- student and a q.a. and lastly,

4. Discipline

shame on me for wasting a lot of time surfing the net for facebook. really have to have discipline if i want an unblemished academic record.

overall, i give myself a grade of 7 out of 10. this is based on the grades that i have received.

in the mean time, more time for facebook and blogging. (talk about discipline)

Rising Up

my mp3 is sansa. laptop is fujitsu. mobile phone is nokia.

the only apple product that our family ever had was an ipod nano, which is now in the hands of people who don't know how to earn a living that is why they steal things.

sadness has tainted this day when i am supposed to rise up from negativity. this, i see as an opportunity to build up my vision.

so to people who never feel afraid of conquering what is thought to be impossible, i salute you.

especially you who is now looking down from wherever you are, steve jobs.

Promise

hayee!

october is here and after the most expensive month that was september, i am here blogging- broke but happy. i'd say that i have never felt this happy during my birthday month. thanks to my friends for an indeed happy birthday.

there is only one thing that i want for my birthday.

please God, grant this gift to me. i promise to be a good nurse this time...

Eat

Sit

Win

Play

Walk

Jump

Today

let me take this opportunity from my busy schedule to write a meaningful post.

today, i woke up early to study.

today, i smiled a lot to people i do not now.

today, i spoke with random people. i asked how they were.

today, i moved out from my comfort zone by being with people i do not really know personally.

today, i stayed with new friends and even stood for some awkward moments just to be with them.

today, i took my final exams. though unsure of the results, i was happy of the learning and new experiences.

today, i tried to finish all assignments. i was able to maximize my time.

today, i tried something new.

today, i will sleep with a happy heart.

Bouncer

plans.

i have always made them since i dwell in order. except for my room which is still my next project for making it a little bit clean. and in order.

in my life, i have accounted for failure a little percentage in whatever i do. except for making good plans.

this week, my plan did not work again. a big f*ck up. by now, you may have realized that the only thing i have been putting all my energy and dedication is my career. the more i try, the more i end up hitting roadblocks and dead ends.

yeah, call me a pessimist.

but i will bounce back. better. stronger. watch out!

Reasons

wow.

i have not posted any thought in this blog. however, that does not mean i am in love as other bloggers would attest to be the reason why they are not blogging much. take the case of ryan who got married last week. good for him.

and his entries are still there.

probably it was out of laziness in those moments when i was not studying or working. or out of taking an escape from things that occupy my mind most.

will share you soon...

My Life in Words

haggard. school assignments. reports. deadline. frustrations. demanding. irrational. noisy. loud. palengkera. selfish bitch. self-righteous. overbearing. insensitive. aggressive. pressure. wounds.

hopeful. friends. dinner. appreciation. bonchon chicken. favorite song. stories. benj. pat. pau. may. free tuna. accomplished assignment. dad's flight. prospects. sister. conversation.

Fezbuk

kumusta naman at isang tanong pa lang ang nasasagutan ko sa assignment.

ubos ang oras ko sa pagfefezbuk at pagtingin ng kung anu-anong website. wish me luck at para perfect ulit ang makuha ko sa mga assignment.

lalo na sa nursing theories.

Happiness in a Cup

i'm okay now.

after a mcdonald's hot fudge sundae and watching senseless videos on youtube, i'm fine. today is the first day of september. my birthday month. the month when you know that christmas is near.

it was supposed to be happy. and fine. but no, it was not.

after the other boss asked me to do a task like encoding all the audited samples from may to august and after i f***ked up the message of a phone call from my boss (that was according to him) to the revelations benj told me, i could use some breaking down.

i felt suffocated and i could not break free from the disgust that i was feeling towards some people at the jungle called the office.

it was then i decided to go home early. i wanted to scream and break down but i know i got this under my control.

not without the help of sundae. so here i am, blogging and claiming what was stolen from me: happiness.

PH Care

our usual friendly conversation:

mark: friend
charl: friend! kumusta? namiss kita at buhay ka pa pala?
mark: ito nagmamaganda parin. hahaha

charl: tama at nagmamaganda pa rin
charl: kumusta ka dyan? kumusta trabaho? may jowa kana?

mark: wala pa pero i'm working on that dont worry. HAHA

now asking him about his love life....
charl: sino dun? ung nakared o ung nakablack na nakacap?
mark: alin? huh? gnun na ba ako kadesperado?

charl: loka ka. i hate you! kala ko may pinopormahan ka na. alam ko kasi desperada ka na e.
mark: hahah hindi naman

charl: parang nung nag break kayo ni tato parang nawala ang talent mo
mark: hnd kc ikaw ang model

charl: nung ako nagmodel sa shots mo marami talaga ang naglike at nagcomment. ako ang pinakasuccessful sa mga kuha mo. alam mo un
mark: hahah. oo na ikaw na talaga

charl: thanks! tsaka mga theme mo ang babaw friend. parang nawala na ung kilala kong mark-ung maharot, lively at creative (konti lang).
mark: wala kc magandang lugar dito sa sudan

charl: kita ko mga pics niyo nina tato nung paalis kayo egypt ba't ganon,pumangit siya. napanot talaga siya no?

mark: iwaglit mo na nga yang name na yan! ayoko na marinig

charl: friend,may sasabihin ako. di ko alam kung dapat bang sbihin ko sayo.

mark: ano? sabhin mo na...

charl (Aug 26 11:52 PM): ang babuy mo dun sa picture niyo...at colored na pants pa suot mo! nahiya naman daw ako!

mark: oo alam ko! hahah
charl: hindi!

mark: mali talaga ang outfit ko nun araw na yun.hahah
charl: eeeww friend. eto talaga totoo. may sasabihin ako.
mark: ano?

charl: friend,nagmessage kasi si j.b. saken...di friend. di ko na sasabihin sayo.
mark: ano? sabi?
charl: sabi mo nga pala ierase na name niya

mark: okay
charl: just think na wala akong sinabi sayo

mark: ngayon ibalik mo ulit.hahah.ewan ko syo. pasuspense ka nman. nakakinis!
charl:nagtanong kasi siya sayo.

mark: tapos? ano tinanong?
charl: ok lang ba syo na sabihin ko?

mark: oo sabhin mo na
charl: kasi kanina sinabi mo wag ko na siyang imention

mark: kaysa naman mag isip na nman ako ng magdamag.

charl: namputcha! tama talaga hinala ko e. hindi ka pa rin nakamove on! tinetest lang kita! gaga ka talaga!

mark: leche ka dami mo kaekekan!
charl: alisin mo nga siya sa buhay mo!
mark: tumaba ka sana ng bongang bonga!

charl: huli ka lang kamo!
mark: inalis ko na nga nohh
charl: asaness ka kasi

mark: tse!!!!
charl: loka ka na wow mali ka dahil umaasa ka pa rin

mark: hahah oo umaasa!
charl: hindi siya makakabuti sayo!
mark: pero not that much

charl: gaga ka talaga no? sabi ko na nga ba kakagat ka e. yaan mo na siya sa new zealand friend na maggatas ng mga baka dun. at ikaw, magbilang ka na lang ng butil ng buhangin diyan sa sudan.

charl: may work ka, at healthy ka, un ang importante. yaan na natin siya. hindi maganda ang may galit sa kalooban baka pumangit ka lalo.

mark: hahah. oo naman. mawawla din ito. it takes time.
charl: o zsa zsa padilla. matutulog nako. lagi na lang akong puyat

mark: wag na muna
charl: ayaw kong magaya sayo na natuyo haha.

mark: kaya ka tumataba tulog ka ng tiulog
charl: friend matutulog nako

mark: arte mo
charl: leche ka mahihiya ang mga cilia mo sa ilong nung nagkita tayo. defined na ang jaw line ko no. babye na. mag-iingat ka dyan. magcondom lagi

mark: defined pero lakas mo lumamon. hahahah
charl: maliligo lagi.
mark: gaga ka

charl: magpapalit nang panty at maghugas ng p****k. gumamit ng produkto ko- ph care

good night!

*photo taken here.

What Am I?

there are some people whose existence make you stop and ask yourself why.

why are they existing and why they should be in your life.

just like botcha girl/ double dip (in the sauce) who has mastered the art of pretending to be busy making reports when in fact, me and our supervisor collaborate to release the "masterpiece." sigh. she earns more than the three of the junior analysts but she delivers the least amount of work.

or the people who talk so loud and cannot modulate their voice. or those people who use vulgar language without considering that they are talking in such a loud volume. or those people who rule one place without having the skills to do so. or those people who are selfish and stops you from realizing what you are meant to achieve.

these people, exist in my world. everyday, they strike a certain part of me that tends to not mind their effects. i sometimes ignore them. sometimes i get angry and shut myself from them. sometimes i smile knowing that their folly will not last. sometimes i pray for i cannot handle it anymore.

to them, what am i?

Clueless

don't know what to blog.

but here's what happened to me:

passed the exam for advanced pathophysiology. played a domestic role last saturday and sunday. finished the audit. started making my report. made a big decision about what to do with this life of mine. started to believe that botcha girl is not existing in the office.

excited for the long weekend! hope i could finish my assignment for theories.

Two Yays

hayee!

how was your monday? mine was okay. nothing really bad. except for botcha girl's double dipping in the ranch dressing for the mojos which automatically turned on my control.

not for the mojos but for dipping into that particular sauce. after two slices of pizza, i realized i was not yet full. i guess this is the effect of me not buying slices of pizza yesterday. indeed, i can never learn the value of delayed gratification.

moving on, i was late for 30 minutes today. i hate it. it meant no time to blog hop and to read senseless materials over the internet.

so the good employee was on and i was able to finish one report for this month. yay for me!

but wait there's more! i was able to control my temper over people who are inconsiderate and of which they exist just because they are destined to make me a better person! another yay for me!

two yays in a monday. keep it up!

Bloody

bloody greetings from the city of san juan!

if every time my brain encounters an ecg rhythm, i could just bleed. but good thing is, i am done with my advanced cardiac life support and i believe i passed.

there goes my convincing efforts.

after what, four years (?), my mind encountered again the challenges of accommodating so much information and be able to retrieve them at any given time. i was scared as hell again and had too much energy drink to keep me awake at 1:00 am and study until 6:00 am.

our group had the famous cardiologist in the hospital as our examiner. i had my moments being an employee of the institution despite my introduction as a non-bedside nurse. i think had the most number of questions tasked to identify the ecg rhythm displayed even if i had a bedside nurse working in our institution in our group.

after almost an hour, we finished the exam and i felt happy for myself.

now back at work, i kinda felt sad. depressed even. where did it come from? i guess from the fact that i am like a fish swimming in a dry land. i could swim but it is not my natural place.

how i am missing nursing.

*image taken here.

Happy

hayee!

today is my first year anniversary at work! yay! it felt like it was so fast after all the events that led me here. disapproved for u.k. nursing registration after all other things were settled. friends leaving for work overseas. getting rejected at the local hospitals here. then this- a job.

there was no celebration and i did not even tell my office mates about it. it went like another day in the my simple life.

there is a reason for the simplicity of the day. aside from having no resources to light some fireworks and eating like there is no tomorrow, my mind is still being flexed.

i am taking my advanced cardiac life support training and it feels hell. again.

after last week, i thought it was not enough. and now, i kinda question that decision as supra-ventricular tachycardia and atrial fibrillation continue to make my brows meet.

when i went to egypt to work, i had no specialized training for the critical care unit. taking this training feels like a rewind of what i did there. it is weird. not to mention, it is one hell of a challenging class.

but, i am delighted. something is going on with my life.

for that, i am happy. happy anniversary to me.

Cheap

cheap treats.

cheap haircut. cheap massage. cheap food. i'd say i am all abut cheap things in life. so yesterday, i was kinda hoping for a good experience from a cheap hair salon. i had a nice one before so, why not go again?

well, i learned my lesson the hard way. first, i had a different stylist. i believed that his work attitude was based on the premise that people who go to their salon do't tip. but, i do give ones. especially if i got a good service from them.

his way of moving my head was kinda strong that it appeared i was frequently moving. and stubborn. i hated him. they could not even open their fan to make me comfortable.

at that moment, i just wished that their place would close. and they be jobless.

i did not deserve that treatment but then again, this is what i get from cheap salons.

cheap service.

Exams

seeing my classmates online was somehow an event i kinda dreaded.

not because i do not like them but it was just i was afraid of how i will behave towards them. me not like nonsense.

and loud. and posers.

in truth, i think i will be out of place with them since those guys are groupmates in one of our subjects. so there. (charo, don't tell them ok? haha)

so after my exam, just went to see my friend.

good times.

Pampered

so hell week was done.

yesterday, had the two long exams for my masters. i don't know what my scores are but it was a "can't blame myself" feeling.

my right hand, is still stiff after writing for more than five hours. yes, exams were mostly essays integrating what was learned.

so i had a massage. and pedicure. and will have sundae later. plus haircut.

i guess i need some pampering after those grueling days of waking up early to read.

how was your weekend? hope all is well.

P 500.00

ngayon ang huling gabi ni jonah sa bahay.

bukas, luluwas siya kasabay ko papuntang maynila para sabay-sabay sila ng kanyang mga kapatid pauwi sa mindanao.

malubha ang kanyang ama. sa tantya ko, tuluyan nang lumala ang tuberculosis ng kanyang ama. sumusuka na ng dugo at kailangan na nila ng mga donors para sa dugo.

mahirap kasi type ab ang kanyang ama at sa dami nilang magkakapatid, iisa lang ang kapareho niya ng blood type.

sa pag-uwi ni jonah, marami ang nagpadala sa kanya. mga damit, bag, pabango at kung anu ano pa. ang nakakatuwa, mula ito sa mga kamag-anak namin. hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibibigay ni muder sa kanya.

limang daan piso at ang pamasahe niya bukas ang tanging maibibigay ko sa kanya. sa sahod ko, ito lang ang makakaya ko para sa tulong na binigay niya sakin.

nagka-ayos din sila ng aking ina. dito sa bahay, alam mo na ang lahat ay malungkot sa pagkawala niya.

pero ang mas inaalala ni jonah, si candy:



wala ng mag-aayos ng buhok ni candy at ito, my dear friends, ang pinaka-challenging according to my mom.

on my part, mahihirapan ako sa mga damit. ayaw na ayaw ko kasing maglaba. pero bukod dun, tila mawawalan ako ng isang kapatid.

marami akong narealize.

una, health is wealth. ilang beses ko nang narerealize ito pero ayun, lumamon na naman ako ng daing, nilaga at taba ng talangka. wala na naman exercise. disciple charlton, discipline.

and self-control pala.

pangalawa, hindi naman siguro mahirap itali ang buhok ni candy. kaya naman siguro.

pangatlo, marami namang landry shops sa maynila.

panghuli, all good things come to an end.

simula bukas, dalawang upuan na ang bakante sa hapag-kainan: ang kay ate at kay jonah.

Nothing

benj is still not talking to me.

at least in the way i think he would normally chat with me. no buzz. no hi. no mabu-mabu hey. just plain nothing on my work computer.

and it feels sad. depressing. at the same time, it feels weird. like tears are flowing if i ever lose my boo.

benj is really that important to me.

if you are reading this, forgive me benj. i am sorry.

Mean

i can be really mean.

as in lindsay lohan type of meanness. for today, i have pointed the fact that botcha girl is irritating my precious ears so i told my boss that i am gonna plug earphones to cancel out noise.

then, there was benjie falling victim to my venom that is filled with sarcasm and unintended matter-of-fact attitude. i did not mean it and it was unintentional.

you see, our conversation usually goes like the conversation of amaya and marikit. something to that effect. his emotional and sensitive side was really unexpected today.

it must be the colds. or really, it must be my mean mouth.

this is not counting mark's experience of me hitting him with facts that he should have never stayed in a dead relationship.

oh what a mean day!

Blame

the stupid mouth was on a rampage today. worst, my very best friend is mad at me.

kill facebook. kill the comments section. this is me channeling christopher lao. blaming other people for their own faults.

Weekends

crazy weekends.

so package was delivered to the relatives of my sister's colleague after waiting for him for two hours. spent another fortune for my fare going to the mall.

still telling myself that this is a good deed for people in need.

from that meeting, much time was spent for not doing my assignment. but anyway, i was able to finish it by lunch time today and i am quite happy with my work.

prioritize charlton.

now the main event of the weekend is not my mother's rants about finances or the challenges in life but jonah's decision to leave our house and go back to their home.

from what i heard, it started from an unanswered question. my mom asked her about something but she did not give any to my mom.

you all know my monster mom. she is something of a different breed. for that, i am not taking sides.

i just know how things are.

for over a month now, people close to me are leaving. there's mark. and sherwin. now, it is jonah.

i do not now exactly how long she has been working with us. it has been so long that i was still in college when she came to replace her sister. now that i am working after coming back to egypt and my brothers are done with college, i say approximately six years.

she was eighteen years old when she came. shy. unassuming. silent. to see her now would make you instantly recognize her growth.

when no one understands me in my family, jonah is that needed strength that seeks to tell me that she understands me. there are things in my life that my own family cannot even understand. only she can give me that push.

her advice that are prompted by his uncle directs my steps and decision-making. i am comfortable whenever i come home because of her.

my clothes are clean perfectly ironed. my room is clean and she takes care of candy like her daughter.

last night, i had a difficulty starting my assignment as sadness crept into my heart over her departure. i will miss her and the space that she will create once she leaves will be truly felt.

jonah, i pray for your father's recovery. should you decide to come back, we will gladly accept you.

let us just ignore vangie's ballistic mouth.

Suffocation

suffocated from the assignment, family finances and the behavior of everyone in our house, i decided to break my promise to not write in my blog until i am done with the school requirement...

arrgghhhh!

then, there is this colleague of my sister who has sent her package together with my sister's. i mean, that is perfectly fine but their hesitance to stretch a bit in meeting me at the nearest mall in our house, that is insane! i have crossed about 6 towns last saturday and spent almost 600 pesos just to get the package.

that is just f***ing unfair.

what my sister told me? just think that you are doing a good thing for other people. did i just hear that? i am the usually bad guy in every place i have been.

sorry. this is just how intense i feel. as far as the assignment is concerned, i am doing my best in flexing my brain. the finances? i know God will provide. and the behavior? ugghh. i am gonna shrug my shoulders not in an attempt to ignore but to just accept the reality.

okay. i'm done wasting time and energy. back to assignment....

Shifting Mode

my goal was to start with my assignment. finish some two questions and continue with searching for research articles.

but then, my troubled sister needs company over there in qatar. i know how that feels and for my sister to be the one experiencing it, it is serious. our conversation revolved in this topic: finances.

constantly challenged, we dismissed our anxieties to praying them til they feel embarrassed in pestering us.

then poan buzzed me. a sad news she started. as it turns out, lei has psoriasis. my one-year old inaanak is already suffering from a condition no one really knows the cause. genetics is a major factor but then, that won't go away.

now my talk with poan focused on the fact that lei is still more blessed over kids suffering from other life-threatening diseases.

i may not have started my assignment but i was happy i was available to people who matter to me. and of course, another entry to my blog.

now, back to regular programming.

Eat, Eat More and Pray

alex got married while jerome is now a father. two classmates. two friends. two people of my age.

now, i hate this part where i look at myself and see where i am or what i have now. comparing is just a disease you inflict to you own body and soul. it makes you weak. it kills your defenses and you become open for invasion of discontent, depression and despair.

i think it is funny that i made this definition of a harmful disease in man but i failed to get rid myself of this phenomenon.

pray Charl. pray. and eat.

Worse

by monday, i should be done with my assignment.

i guess this is the part of me where rian is very evident. procrastinating. rushing. cramming. but, can you blame us? the urgency of having to produce something out of nothing is enough to keep me writing all day long.

which leads me to my work.

i could have finished my audit report today but instead, i surfed and surfed the net for needless information and addiction. it stems from the belief that i still have tomorrow and friday.

this is getting worse.

Recap

mga ten hours ang nilaan ko kahapon para sa pagbiyahe mula pampanga hanggang nueva ecija at pabalik muli sa pampanga.

nagkita kami ni poan at ang kuwentuhan ay naging masaya kahit ang inaanak kong si lei ay napakalikot.

*******************************************************

lechon! ang sarap ng lechon nina poan! ang lutong pa ng balat! deadly! hay ang mga kasama sa office na may myfitnesspal na account, mga mypal na lang.

pag-uwi pa ng bahay mula sa pagkuha sa mga padala ni ate kay poan, ang daming cake! birthday kasi ni lola. so much food! so much blessings! thank you Lord!

*******************************************************

sobrang busy ko sa mga bagay na hindi related sa studies at work kaya ratsada ako this week. last part ng audit at mga reports na due for this month. then mga assignment at exams! help!

*******************************************************

sa loob ng isang linggo, dalawang kaibigan ang umalis ng bansa. si weng sa saudi at si mark sa sudan.

ako na ba ang susunod? i wish!

Lord, Your will be done.

Testo

yes ma'am.


hays. lagi nalang napagkakamalang babae sa telepono. nakulangan ata ako sa puberty. i kinda hated din naman my voice. nakukulangan din ako. magwork na yata ako dapat para ma-stimulate ang testosterone ko.

*photo taken here.

Dedication

monday. cramped. everyone rushing. traffic. so para makarating on-time, i rode an ordinary bus with me in formal attire. hello carbon monoxide! hello ultraviolet rays! hello oiliness! this is dedication to work.

*photo taken here.