Sulat

Dear Charltoninho,

alam ko na hindi biro ang pinagdadaanan mo sa bawat araw na ikaw ay pumapasok sa trabaho. mahirap. minsan nakakasauka. delikado. madalas nakakainis ang mga katrabaho. minsan sumasama pa sa kadiwaraan ang mga pasyente. tiis lang at tingin sa itaas dahil siguradong may umaalalay sa iyo sa bawat minuto na ikaw ay malayo sa iyong pamilya at nasa gitna ka ng karagatan ng walang kasiguraduhan.

simulan mo ang iyong araw na may ngiti at pasasalamat sa Diyos. lubos kang pinagpala dahil sa libu-libong nars na nasa Pilipinas, may trabaho ka. kung tutuusin, hindi lang basta-basta nars. isa ka sa mga nars na nasa espesyal na lugar kaya ituring mo ito bilang isang napakagandang pribilehiyo.

walang nagsimula na hindi nahirapan. lahat dumadaan sa yugto ng pagsang-ayon sa agos ng iyong paligid. huwag mong madaliin ang iyong pagtungtong sa mundo ng isang propesyunal.

charltoninho, matuto kang tumanggap ng kung ano ang ipinagkaloob ng Maykapal. alam ko na ikaw ay naniniwala na ang lahat ay may dahilan kung bakit ito naganap. manalig ka at itanim sa isip kung ano ang iyong pakay kung bakit ka nandito. tanungin ang iyong sarili kung nasa tamang landas ka pa. maging matalino sa bawat hakbang at matatag sa iyong paglalakbay.

hanggang sa muling pagbibigay ng panahon sa kung ano ang dapat mapagtanto ng iyong sarili.....

Charltoninho

The Good Side

mukha raw akong masaya dito sa egypt sabi ng mga friends ko. ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, talaga lang ha.

sarcastic? not really. i am just not that convinced with the way people perceive how i am doing here in egypt. the thing is, siyempre sa mga pictures kailangan kong magsmile e pangit naman kung nakasimangot ako so un siguro ung dahilan kung bakit tingin nila, ok na ok ako dito sa ehipto.

it is not that life is so bad here in egypt but the things is, i came here for work and if you are to talk about my work, it is not that nice. well it is because partly of the local nurses here are unprofessional and we filipino nurses in this area are few. most of the time, the patients that we handle are pangit. i mean you can't do anything but just to deal with them.

but, enough for this bad side of my life in egypt. little by little, i feel that i am comfortable with my area except when i am alone in a particular shift with no filipino nurses around. i think that i am gaining some pounds also since i do not let myself get hungry at work. i am also starting to grow as a person with all these things that i have endured these past 3 months.

i try to think that i am more lucky than other nurses in the philippines. i have work and i get paid for it. hindi nga lang kalakihan pero it is still good. maraming nalalaman pero it is up to me pa rin kung pano ku pagiibayuhin ang knowledge ko. people here kasi do things without really knowing why they are doing it. scary di ba? but God is gracious.

kahapon nagcity stars kami and today, carrefour. gala talaga kasi kailangan mong magrelax talaga since it is your off and it should be spent wisely. somehow, i sound mature diba? hehe well that is good news kung ganon. kaya sa ngayon, tiis muna and try to see the good side of everything.

Ang Buhay ay Parang Life

malapit nakong magthree months working as a real nurse and all i can say is to hell with witch, putla and bulinggit!

haha. that felt really good. after ilang days of duty, you really need to let it out and feel that all emotions come and go. they are real and it is never too good to let them creep in the innermost part of your humanity. real sila pero just let them come and go.

somehow, i feel the truth na kapag nagtrabaho ka or nag-abroad, you will be changed in a tremendous way. bukod sa parang nagkawrinkles ako at naglose ng 10 kilos within two months, i felt na ibang tao ako each passing day.

before, i easily complain. mabilis akong maburyong sa mga simpleng bagay na minsan, ala namang kuwenta kung pagtutuunan ko ng pansin. mabilis din akong mastress and maapektuhan ng ibang tao.

i am not saying na hindi nako nagcocomplain ngayon nor hindi nako nai-istress at naapektuhan ng ibang tao pero, i now have this tendency to just ignore them. i always say bahala sila or bahala kayo basta ako buhay and nagtatrabaho.

mataas ang pressure sa work and if i will put myself in the same level, bibigay ako. that's the good thing now. little by little, i get the hang of it. nakukuha ko nang maging numb sa kung ano ang mga nangyayari saken. sometimes, maganda to pero minsan din, napapaisip ako kung nagiging soul-less ako at cold as a stone.

ang work namin, ganun pa rin. maraming asungot at maraming buwisit sa buhay. ganon naman ata sa work diba? eto, andito pa rin kami ni mark sa ccu and it seems na pinapabayaan na lang naming ung mga nangyayari samen. medyo nabawasan na yung yearning namin to leave ccu and go to the other side of the fence dahil sa totoo lang, hindi naman namin alam kung mas green ba ang pasture don kaya ngayon, ganito lang muna.

may ilang days na naghawak ako ng pasyenteng ventilated and mind you, mag-isa ako. kakatakot ba? well para samen, normal na lang kaso at the rate of these happenings, di ba mabilis? kasi kung sa pnas ako nagwork, malamang vital signs at pagbibigay lang ng gamot ang alam ko ngayon. sa totoo lang, madaming experience and learning sa area namin. sobrang varied and sobrang complicated. sobrang nakakapagod din and minsan, emotionally draining.

narealize ko rin kung gano kaikli ang buhay for the nth time. may pasyente akong ieendorse sa o.r mamaya namatay na pala siya. minsan sa duty mo, hawak mo siya, the next day, patay na pala siya. life is so fleeting. mabilis lang. dumadaaan lang talaga tayo dito sa mundo. kaya in as much effort to be the best nurse that i can be, kinakaya ko pero madalas hindi hehe.

ang tagal pala ng two years no? kasi two years akong dadanas ng hirap sa ccu hehe pero by God's grace e makakaya ko.

nga pala, nakapagpyramids nako kaya bawi naman ang pagod kaso di pa ko makapagupload kasi ala naman ako camera and kailangan ko pang kunin yun sa mga kasama ko sa trip. hay buhay parang life

Work, Work and Work

working for a living is do damn tough.

ito lang ang nasabi ko after almost two months of working here in egypt. i have been working since middle to late of septemeber in the critical care unit. and all i can say is that i have experienced the fiercest moments of my life as a professional. well, ito lang naman ang mga moments ko for now since this is my first job diba?

shocks ni sa tanang buhay ko sa college, i never experienced such hardships and complicated cases dito sa hospital. i felt so alone most of the time and helpless with the procedures i never knew existed in this world! in addition, patients who speak no english who were very agitated and uncooperative made my life these past days a real mess. idagdag mo pa ang charge nurse namin, si witch at ang nagmamagaling na doctor.

di ko alam kung makakaya pa namin ni mark. nagiisip na kaming magpalipat sa or or sa ward. please help God!

ano na?

it is the second day of my off from duty and tomorrow will be the last then i'll get back again to work for three straight days.

ano na nga ba nangyari saken? heto:

1. naranasan kong kumain ng biscuit at isang baso lang ng tubig sa loob ng 12 hours na sobrang nakakapagod na duty. sa banyo lang kami kumain kasi puno sa cafeteria. normal lang daw to at take note, alas sais na ng gabi ito.

2. masabihan dahil hindi ko nairecord ang monitoring ko sa flow sheet for 2 hours gawa ng pagkatoxic na pasyente ko.

3. maiyak sa sobrang nahirapan sa mga gawain na hindi pa ako sanay gawin habang iniiwan kaming mag-isa ng aming supposed-to-be mentors.

4. tumayo halos buong araw dahil sa pagbibigay ng care sa pasyente.

5. kumain ng manok for lunch sa loob ng isang buwan. ay hindi, may two days pala na ang lunch e baka.

6. mahulog sa upuan ng bus gawa ng hindi ako nakakapit at dahil nakisiksik lang ako sa upuan na pangsingle lang.

7. magbirthday na pagod na pagod pero sulit pa din dahil nabiyayaan ng 50 egyptian pounds for my hard work hehe

8. narealize na mabagal akong kumilos at lagi kong tinotoxic sarili ko.

9. nakita ko nang malapitan ang pyramids at nakapunta na sa the hanging church. napuntahan ko din ang mga simbahan ng mga orthodox. nahawakan ko din ang chains na ginamit kay st. george the roman pati mapuntahan ang kulungan nya.

10. napuntahan ko din ang sinasabing pinagtaguan ng the Holy Family nung tumakas sila papuntang egypt.

11. maisip na hindi ko kaya ang lahat kung sa sarili lang ako aasa. with God, alam kong makakaya ko ang work ko.

un lang muna ngayon. heto ang itsura ng pyramids at nile river ng mas malapitan pati na rin ng the Hanging Church at ng Cairo from top:

i survived my first week in egypt! hay it feels nice na nakaraos ako ng isang linggo dito sa ehipto.

wednesday: naghintay ng mahigit 13 hours sa abu dhabi international airport ng walang pagkain at accommodation sa hotel na dapat pala ay meron. pagtapak mo palang sa airport, iba na ang amoy. amoy kili-kili haha pero kailangang mag-adjust.

thursday: after mahigit 13 hours ng paghihintay, nakarating na rin ng cairo, egypt sabay direcho sa giza, egypt para magpunta sa hospital. had my first egyptian meal na baked chicken ata un, a bad-tasting tomato soup with potatoes, salad na puro cucumber na matigas, dessert na parang gelatin na may niyog ata sa taas at tubig. binigyan din kami ng 700 egyptian pounds for our allowance na kakaltasin din sa aming suweldo. maganda ang flat namin as in engrande talaga. off namin for two days.

friday: gumising nang maaga dahil nag-aadjust pa ang katawan. pinuntahan ako ni kuya hill sa bahay at inilibot sa shiek zayed. tinignan ung bahay na pwede kong lipatan at nagpunta sa mall na malapit dun. ang mall dun e parang supermarket lang ng sm. at ang amoy sa supermarket? tumatagos sa utak mo.

saturday:

Charltoninho Meets World

isa na akong ganap na ofw hahaha. sa katunayan, naghihintay ako ngayon sa abu dhabi international airport para sa aming biyahe papuntang cairo, egypt. more than 12 hours ang aming hihintayin para sa aming susunod na biyahe at habang sinusulat ko ito, pagod na pagod ang buong katawan.

first time lahat ang mga karanasan ko sa biyaheng ito. simula sa pagpasok sa naia 1 habang nabobo ako kung ano ilalagay sa tray sa mga gamit na titignan hanggang sa nahuhuli lagi ako sa pagchecheck in. first time sa buong buhay ko na labis akong nauhaw sa tubig and yet nag-iisip ako kung bibili ng tubig na nagkakahalaga ng 40 pesos para sa 500ml. first time din na nagugutom ako and yet nagiisip din kung pwede ba akong kumain gawa ng simula ngayon ng ramadan ng mga muslim.

mahirap pala ang mag-abroad. ever since na magkaisip ako, i always wanted to go abroad to live and work there but reality just hit me big time.

well, it is just the start and i still have to make adjustments and condition my whole mind and soul that i need to endure all of these to be successful.

pucha, ang baho lang ng ibang tao dito at napakabland ng mga pagkain. shocks papayat talaga ako dito. at ang mga indians? naku mukhang hindi nila alam ang ibig sabihin ng privacy. napakadaming pinoy dito sa abu dhabi lalong lalo na sa mga duty free shops at mga cabin crew ng etihad airways (ang sinakyan ko at ang flag carrier ng uae). gusto ko ng maligo at magtsinelas!

Fresh

bagong bihis muna para sa bagong buhay na paparating.
bagong pamumuhay para sa bagong ako.

Libre

kahit medyo puyat at pagod, susulitin ko ang pagkakataon na ito upang makapagsulat at makapagkuwento. aaalis na ko sa aking lupang sinilangan sa darating na miyerkules. pucha, nakakatakot pala na nakakapraning.

hindi na libre pagkain.
hindi na libre tubig.
hindi na libre kuryente.
hindi na libre paninirahan ko sa isang lugar.
hindi na libre pamasahe.
hindi na libre laba.
hindi na libre plantsa.
hindi na libre linis ng bahay.
hindi na libre panonood ng tv.
at lalong lalong hindi na libre sa pag-iinternet at pagbloblog.

naisip ko lang, ang dami palang isasakripisyo sa pangingibang bansa. dati, pangarap kong manirahan sa ibang bansa at maging independent sa lahat ng aspeto. ngunit ngayon, parang hindi pa ako handa. well sa totoo lang, kaya ko naman yong mga gawaing bahay puwera na lang sa paglalaba pero ang pinakapagsubok e yung mabubuhay ako sa kikitain ko.

putik, wag naman sana akong mahomesick nang todo at mahirapang mag-adjust dahil baka maudlot lahat ang mga pangarap sa buhay. mahirap na, madami umaasa hehe. naku wag lang akong bigyan ng mga tao sa paligid ko ng tingin na nagtatanog kung bakit sa Egypt at baka tadyakan ko sila sa kanilang kamangmangan sa aking pupuntahan.

o siya, eto na muna ang mga larawan nung ginamit namin yung gift certificate na napanalunan ko sa Jam 88.3. ang sarap talaga ng libre hehe

Takot

lumilipas ang araw at unti-unti ay nakakaramdam ako ng kaba. kaba sa kung ano ang puwedeng mangyari sakin dun.

isang taon din yun na bubunuin ko sa ibang lugar. nakakalula. nakakatakot. sana ay malagpasan ko.

Im Happy!

bakit dun? diba delikado dun? san yun? hindi ba nakakatakot dun?

mga tanong na ang tingin ko e bumabakas sa pagiging ignorante ng mga tao na nasa paligid ko. isang patunay na ang karamihan sa atin e naka-kahon sa kung ano ang tinuro ng ating mga paaralan at nalilimitahan ng hindi nalaman o hindi inalam habang nag-aaral. maari rin na ito ay sumasalamin na ang karamihan din sa mga pilipino e hindi mahilig magbasa o tumuklas tungkol sa mundo o kanyang paligid.

bakit kamo? papaano kasi e meron sa mga kabatch ko at iba pang kakilala na sa pambihirang pagkakataon e tinanong ang mga iyon. aaminin ko na naiinis ako at namamangha kung gaano kaliit ang kanilang mundo na ang para sa kanila, maari lang magtrabaho ang isang nurse sa US, UK, CANADA, SAUDI at PILIPINAS.

bakit dun? kasi ang ehipto lang ang tumatanggap sa amin. siya lang ang nagbukas ng pinto para sa amin.

diba delikado dun? san ba ligtas? ligtas ka ba sa PILIPINAS? e sa US, UK, CANADA at SAUDI? o kaya ay ligtas ka ba sa bahay niyo? walang lugar ang tumitiyak ng iyong kaligtasan. lahat ay nahaharap sa mga risks. pero para sabihin ko sa inyo, ang isa sa ikinabubuhay ng mga tao sa Ehipto e ang turismo. nangangahulugan na ang kaligtasan ay isang malaking bagay upang mapanatili nila ito.

san yun? aba, nagtapos ka ng high school e hindi mo alam kung nasan ang Egypt? naku malamang tulog ka nung ituro na ang egypt e nasa north africa. nakakahiya ka, hindi mo alam ito pero nakatapos ka ng high school.

hindi ba nakakatakot dun? hay nako, open city po ang lugar na ito. hindi gaya ng saudi. at nasabi ko na rin na bilang isang tourist spot, pinapangalagaan nila ang kaligtasan ng mga turista sa abot ng kanilang makakaya dahil pinagkakakitaan nga nila ito.

sa totoo lang, naramdaman ko simula ngayon ang sitwasyon na kinakaharap ng mga OFW. in short, feeling OFW na ako ngayon. kinakabahan na nga ako e and at the same time, naramdaman ko ang ilan sa mga emotions na maaring maramdaman ng isang OFW. nag-PDOS na kasi ako kanina and somehow, it was an eye-opener na medyo annoying dahil mas marami pa ang mga advertisements ng kung ano-ano.

basta masaya ako na may trabaho ako. masaya ako na ang ospital na pupuntahan ko e di basta-basta. masaya ako na pupunta ako sa egypt na napakahistoric at majestic ng mga makikita dun. masaya ako kahit papano.

Just Not Right

pinipigilan kong magsalubong ang dalawang kilay ko. mahirap at madugo. isang proseso na hanggang ngayon e hindi ko malaman kung pano ko matutunan. sumasabay ito sa pag-agos ng lahat ng dugo papunta sa itaas na bahagi ng aking katawan. galit ako. violated. treated unfairly. pagod. worn out.

sa nakalipas na mga araw, naging busy ako sa pag-aayos ng mga kakailanganin sa pag-alis ko. yup, totoo. aalis nako by next week. ang sabi e sa Huwebes na daw ang aming biyahe pa-Ehipto. di ba mas maganda kung lahat ng iiwan mo dito e nasa ayos? mas maginhawang bumiyahe na ang isip mo ay malaya sa mga pag-aalala kung. ang kaso lang, ang tingin ko e masyado akong nahihirapan sa pagsasa-ayos ng aking buhay at ng aking iiwanan.

particularly, ang aking pamilya. si mama e patuloy sa kanyang domineering ways at tila pagiging makasarili sa mga pagbili sa mga "wants." si ate na patuloy akong dinidissappoint sa kanyang mga hakbang na ang pakiramdam ko e hindi ko nakuha ang kanyang suporta. ang mga nakakabatang kapatid na pilit namumuhay sa mga baluktot na nakagawian.

sa kabilang banda, ang daddy ko na malayo sa amin e ang tinuturing ko na todo ang suporta sakin. ang weird no? kahit hindi siya physically present, i still feel na nasa likod ko lang siya with all the preparations that i have to do. salamat dad.

pakiramdam ko, hindi ako suportado ng pamilya (except for my dad) ko beyond their material support. i just feel bad. my friends understand me more. it is just so not right.

Kailangan Pa Bang I-memorize Yan?

i am gifted with a good memory. it has been helping me get through with my life both as a student and as a person.

i have done a lot with the help of my memory. memorize gazillion information and know everything i need to know. it may seem that having this memory is good but then again, it has its dark side.

last saturday, i had a hard time. all the preparations and the tasks of being a good host had gotten me bad of which my sister all the more exposed my insanity to the light. my mom agreed with her and that was basically the start of my bad days.

up to this moment, i don't talk to my sister. the incident that she exposed to light had made me think again of her as a foe. yeah it is bad i know but i never forget. i always become "historical" and not hysterical when i'm mad. to this, i have thought again of the times that she left me in the middle. of her not having her support me. of her wanting all of us to look at her and hear her stories. most of the time, i am quiet while she does most of the talking. i get annoyed most of the time when she talks about non-sense things like how monstrous Lani Misalucha's face have turned after she went all those cosmetic surgeries, like how rich Willie Revillame is and how irritating their HR personnel is.

my family has known me to be like this. i never forget. when they have said or done me bad, i don't talk to them. they have hurt me and that does not change a thing or two. call me proud and unforgiving but until you recognize your fault, i won't care about you. most of the time also, they succumb to losing this cold war and would start talk to me but all i would do is ignore them. this, is my act for the past two days.

it's wrong i know but you have to understand that i am hurting. i deserve some understanding that the whole saturday, i was working my ass off while the three of you my siblings could not even lend a hand because all of you are not in the house. think about the work that i had to do since jonah was not there as well. you could not even stay up late so you could help us pack up things and i find this quite amusing because all i wanted is that you help us and give me some break because you were having a lot of those.

it is eating me up. my memory has been loyal to me, even in my darkest side. i just need to get these off my mind. i hope it will be gone tomorrow.

Ang Kuwento ng Dalawang Ibon

hindi ako magaling sa pakikihalubilo sa mga tao. hindi rin ako biniyayaan ng isang mapanglinlang na mukha. kung galit ako, makikita mo iyon agad sa mukha ko sampu ng iba't ibang emosyon na bumbalot sa akin. dahil dito, ang mga kaibigan ko ay tunay na nakakakilala sa aking buong pagkatao.

san ba papunta to? kamakailan lang kasi e may nabuong parang samahan sa mga kapitbahay namin at ng nanay ko. dalawang pares ng mag-asawa (ung isa hindi legal) ang madalas na kausap ng nanay ko tuwing hapon. ang mag-asawa na isa e magulang ng kasamahan ko sa choir dati. ung isang pares na mas matanda e hindi talaga tunay na mag-asawa. si lolo bon (di-tunay na pangalan) ay may asawa na naninirahan sa u.s. at dala na rin suguro nh kalungkutan at pag-iisa lalo na at may-edad na siya e mas mabuting may kasama siya- si lola tin (di rin tunay na ngalan).

si lolo bon at lola tin ay masasabi kong namumuhay nang maaliwalas. maganda ang pagsasamahan kahit hindi tunay na mag-asawa. narealize ko lang na sadyang maganda na may partner ka sa buhay na andyan hanggang sa huli. eto ang issue dito, kanina kasing nagkukuwentuhan ang nanay ko at ang mga bago niyang tropa, nalaman namin na dinala sa ospital si lolo bon dahil daw sa stroke. hindi namin nalaman kung ano ginawa ni lola tin para madala sa ospital si lolo ngunit napag-alaman namin na dumating ang isa sa mga anak niya. dahil dito, hindi na pinapabalik si lolo bon sa kanyang bahay sa harap namin.

si lola tin ay walang magawa dahil hindi nga siya legal at para bang may himig ng pagdaramdam ang mga anak ni lolo bon na tila pinabayaan siya. para sa akin, tila hindi makatarungan ang gagawin ng mga anak ni lolo bon sa kanya at kay lola tin. alam ko na hindi naman maiiwasan ang mga ganyan sitwasyon dahil pareho na silang tumatanda. silang dalawa ay parehong nakatagpo ng isang relasyon na hindi nakakulong sa mga dokumento o apat na sulok ng simabahan kung saan pinagdudugtong ang kapalaran ng dalawang nilalang na mag-aasawa.

kaya siguro nagtagpo sila e dahil hindi makita ng isa't isa ang pagmamahal na kanilang inaasahan na ibibigay ng kanilang mga mahal sa buhay. alam naming mag-anak iyon dahil nagkukuwento silang dalawa sa amin. hindi ko alam kung dahil sa masarap na pagkain na inihain namin sa piyesta sa kanila o dahil na rin siguro sa edad ni lolo ben kung kaya't nangyari to. para sa aming kapitbahay nila, lubos kaming nalulungkot kung patuloy silang maghihiwalay sa puntong ito ng kanilang buhay.

dati, wala akong pakialam sa buhay ng iba. hindi ko rin nanaisin na lumapit sa ibang tao at magbigay ng oras ko sa kanila. ngunit sa hinahaba-haba ng pagkabakante ko, marami akong natutunan sa buhay. at isa sa mga ito e ang aral na napulot ko sa kuwento nina lolo bon at lola tin.

sa lahat ng oras na kailangan ni lolo bon ng kalinga at pagmamahal, andun si lola tin para ibigay iyon. nakita ko iyon at naging bahagi kami sa kanilang pagsasama. ngayon na tila mapuputulan ng isang pakpak ang dalawang ibon, natatakot ako sa kanilang paglipad patungo sa huling bahagi ng kanilang paglalayag sa mundo.

Ang Pagpatay sa Isang Anak

sana marunong kang umunawa na hindi lahat ay dapat mong makuha ang kanilang approval sa anumang larangan ng buhay. sabagay, hindi na ako magtataka dahil ikaw mismo ay nagbibigay ng iyong saloobin kahit hindi kailangan.

sana marunong kang makaintindi na hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay tama at dapat gawin. sabagay, bulag ka sa iyong sariling kagalingan kung kaya't hindi mo nakikita ang tunay na angking kinang ng ibang tao.

sana marunong kang makinig sa nararamdaman ng ibang tao. sabagay, bingi ka sa iyong pakiramdam na parang walang karapatang magdamdam ang ibang tao.

sana marunong kang tumalima sa iyong mga pangaral. sabagay, masyado kang dominante na ang lahat ng iyong sinasabi kahit mali ay nagiging tama sa iyong mga mata.

sana marunong kang tumanggap ng iyong pagkakamali. sabagay, magulang ka nga naman. MA-GULANG!

sana marunong kang maging ina ma. masyado na akong nasasaktan. masyado ka nang maraming nasasaktan at habang ginagawa mo ito, unti-unting namamatay ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo. hindi ako katulad nina ate at ng kambal na ibinabaon na lang sa limot ang iyong mga pagkakamali. hanggat hindi mo tinatanggap ang iyong pagkukulang sa pagiging magulang, unti-unti kang mamatayan ng isang anak...

Sapi

Nagsimula ang araw na maayos ang lahat. Umayon sa nakagawian ang gising ng bawat isa habang ang araw ay sumisilip at nagpapahiwatig ng pagnanais na magparamdam.

Umupo siya at nagsimulang humigop ng kape sa kanyang berdeng tasa na may bakas ng kalumaan. Ilang taon na nga ba? Dalawampu at dalawang taon na nga nang masilayan niya ang kanyang mukha. Tila anghel na sumasalubong ang kanyang anyo. Puno ng pagmamahal at pag-aaruga. Iyon ang kanyang inakala. Na laging ganoon ang masisilayan.

Walis tingting ang dumapo sa kanyang payat na binti. Masakit at lumatay. Minsan ay isang makapal na kahoy o kaya naman ay kahit anong matigas na bagay na puwdeng ipampalo e dumadapo iyon kahit sa anong parte ng kanyang katawan. Sinasabihan siya ng walang kuwenta, walang butas ang buto (na magpasahanggang ngayon e hindi niya maarok ang diwa nito), bugok, at perwisyo. Makakarinig din siya na sinasabihan ng tanga, na walang makikipagkaibigan sa kanya at ang hindi niya makakalimutan e ang masabihan siya na kung bakit isinilang pa siya sa mundong ito. Lahat ng mga iyon ay namutawi sa labi ng inakala niyang anghel.

Isang manikang de-susi. Yung ang tumpak na paglalarawan sa kanya. Sa mga kaibigan sa loob ng pamayanan hanggang sa mga sasabihin sa ibang tao. Lahat ay kontrolado. Nang minsan ay masabi niya ang katotohanan sa kanyang tiyahin ay tila gusto niyang putulin ang kanyang dila sa pagsasabi ng katotohanan. Nalaman niya na ang pagsisinungaling ay mabuti, na ang pagtatakip sa mali ay tama lang. Ang kanyang kasiyahan at kalungkutan ay kontrolado rin. Bawal ang maging masaya lagi. Ang madalas na paghihirap ay mainam daw. Iyon ang sabi sa kanya. Sa bubot na isip ay sadyang puno ng hiwaga ang mga ideyang sumasakop sa kanyang pagkatao.

Nahulog ang kutsara. Napitlag siya sa paglalakbay ng kanyang isip. Lumipas ang ilang taon, gimbal at patuloy ang hiwaga sa kanyang tunay na kulay. Isunubo ang isang kutsara ng kanin na hinaluan ng scrambled egg. Nag-isip muli at tinanong ang sarili, "Hanggang kailan ang ganitong kapalaran?" Isang subo muli at binilisan ang pagkain dahil kung hindi ay masasabon na naman siya dahil baka mahuli raw sila sa pagpunta sa simbahan.

Naalala niya si Edward Norton sa The Fight Club. Dalawa rin kasi ang kanyang pagkatao. Isang puti at isang nakakabulag na itim. Ganoon ang kanyang pakiwari sa taong itinuring niyang anghel dati na dapat naman talaga ay maging anghel niya. Linggo ngayon at ang ibig sabihin ay paghuhugas ng mga kasalanan. Isang araw para sa pagmumuni-muni at pagbabago para sa kabutihan. Ito ang dapat na mangyari at asahan. Ngunit gaya ng lumipas na mahigit sa isang libong Linggo, bigo siya. Bigo siya na makamtan ang ganitong kahulugan ng araw na ito sapagkat umulan na naman ng panunumbat at pagsikil sa pagpapahayag ng damdamin.

Wala ba raw siyang karapatan para makasilay ng ngiti ang kanyang mga labi at mukha? Bakit ba lagi na lang napupuna ang kanyang munting kasiyahan samantalang walang sumasakal sa kalayaan ng anghel sa paglustay ng kung ano ang gusto niyang kamtan?

Blangko. Blangko pa rin ang aking isip. Hindi ko na lubos maisip kung pano ako gagawa ng panibagong pangangatwiran sa aking kabuuan bilang tao na ang ginagawa na aking ina ay kailangan kong palampasin dahil hindi puwede kahit magpahagip man lang na ako ay nasasaktan sa kanyang mga ginagawa. Nauubusan na ako ng pampamanhid ng diwa na mali ang lumaban sa kanya. Mahirap. Nauupos ako sa kanyang ginagawang pangingibabaw sa buhay ko sa maling paraan. Nasasabik akong humalagpos sa gapos ng kanyang hindi makatwirang pamantayan sa pagpapalaki sa amin.

Kailangan na ng pangontra sa sapi. Hindi ko maatim na mawala ang gabutil na kabutihan niya na nakatanim sa aking isipan dahil sa bawat sandali ng kanyang sapi, pinapatay niya ang aking pananampalataya na kalooban ng Diyos na maging nanay ko siya.

Limang Araw

ilang araw na nga ba ang nagdaan nung huli akong nagsulat para sa aking blog?

limang araw. maikli at maliit na bagay kung ituturing pero sa mga nangyari saken ngayon linggo e masasabi kong napakalaking bagay na nito.

a.) una- naayos ko lahat ang mga dokumento na kailangang ipadala sa australia matapos ang mahigit tatlong araw ng pagaasikaso. bawat araw ay nangangailangan ng humigit kumulang na dalawang oras para sa pagpila, dalawang panyo o bimpo para sa pampunas ng pawis, isang pamaypay panlaban sa init, maraming pera para sa mga bayad sa mga dokumentong kailangan, dalawang tig-500 ml na tubig para sa uhaw at limang libong pagtitimpi sa mga taong walang pakundangan kung mang-inis sa iyong pagpila at sa kanilang katangahan.

b.) ikalawa- nakapagsabi na ako sa IDP na ipadala nila ang resulta ng aking IELTS sa australia kapalit ng tumataginting na P1,400 para makarating ito doon sa loob ng tatlong araw. taliwas ito sa mahigit isang buwan na paghihintay para naman makarating ang stateboard verification ko doon mula sa prc sa halagang P101.

c.) ikatlo- nakauwi na si weng at dala ang isang daang kuwento ng kanyang mga karanasan sa malaysia sa pakikipagtunggali sa pagsagwan. nakakatuwa ang mga karanasan niya at siyempre pa, nakakatuwa ang kanyang pasalubong. may kasama pa palang pansit ang pagdating niya. salamat weng.

d.) ikaapat- nakilala ko si ate aireen na pareho naming gustong manirahan sa australia at doon ay magtrabaho. naging makabuluhan ang aming maikling pagsasama dahil para kaming magkakilala nang sampung taon sa aming mga kuwentuhan. isa itong pagbabago sa aking tingin sa sarili na ako ay kulelat sa pakikipagkapwa-tao lalo na sa mga estranghero.

e.) ikalima at panghuli- dumating na ang go signal para mag-ayos na ng mga kulang na dokumento para sa egypt! ibig sabihin, malapit na akong umalis! yay! ang saya dahil dumating din ang pinakahihintay ko na pagkakataon. subalit, naiipit naman ako ngayon kung kakayanin ko ba ang pagkuha ng NCLEX.

ang daming nangyari na dapat na alalahanin. tulad na lang ng araw na ito. sadyang pambihira dahil ito ay sumisimbolo sa 888. simula pa ng olympics. subalit, mas maganda siguro kung ating tatandaan na ang bawat araw ay mahalaga at dapat na alalahanin. bawat araw ay espesyal. bawat araw ay hindi na muling maibabalik.

Carwash for God

I made this decision today: Carwash as my ministry!

When we moved from another town to another, it was the end. This marked the end of my active participation in our church and to some extent, to the community where I belong. Of course, I was always busy with school. Most of the time, my efforts are all used for school leaving me no chance to go out of our house and get my self working with other youth or kids from our church or our place.

In high school, I was an active member of a certain organization that was doing work for the church, our school and the community nearby. I also became part of our school paper- The Mirror of which I found more meaning in my relationship with the people there especially with our moderator- Mam Helen. There was meaning for my life as a high school student and my experiences have changed me tremendously in ways that are far more beneficial than I thought.

Having finished high school and having to go to college, I said to myself that I will just focus myself on my studies. I said that I had to be serious but this, I believed was a mistake to some point but at least, I finished college on top of my class. Nevertheless, I miss being busy now that most of the time, I do nothing.

Now what about the carwash as my ministry? It is because going to church; we found out that we had visitors. They were not just visitors from nearby towns or wherever but they came from all over the Philippines! They came from all over the country to attend a certain gathering for young people that was held at our church. To this, my grandmother had extended her home to a youth for her to have a place to stay. She came all the way from Isabela and had no idea how to go about the quite remote place of ours. All she had was courage and a map that somehow, she'll reach the place with God's grace. Gee, that was amazing! In my case of having to go to an unfamiliar place, say like going to a certain place in Pasig, I text all my friends just to have directions and guides but she just had to trust God and her self to reach our place. I am just in awe with how these young people are committed to God.

Embarrassed and somehow challenged, I questioned myself about what can I offer to God. He has blessed me with a lot of talents but somehow, I know I am just wasting them and so I had to commit myself to something that I can offer to God. But why carwash? It is because being the only guy left in the house, I am the tasked one to do the job and since I know basic driving skills (quite embarrassing huh?), it was just necessary.



No one should ever look down to us young people. Our age doesn't automatically say that we can do nothing. We offer inspiration and new ideas. I believe that whatever you do, you should do it for the glory of God. Cooking, drawing, singing, driving or just washing our car should all be expressions of our gratitude to God for without Him, we cannot accomplish a thing in our lives. This I say should be my motto from now on knowing that I am serving my King and He should deserve all the best that I can give.

Somewhere Only We Know

Lake House was good. But very unreal. The Holiday is way cooler for me. Kate Winslet is just so amazing. This has been the trend for late Sunday nights- watching DVDs with my sister as we gorge ourselves with love stories.

I was hoping for some reality in these movies that somehow in the future, I might be able to use. Yeah, if I will ever be in that situation because right now, I often wonder if there is a slight chance that I will experience some loving.

Call me pathetic but you know, I have noticed that my life is boring. It sucks I know. To this, I am waiting for something that will bring a lot of changes in my life. At a standstill, I hope to halt this rot and bring forth cool changes in me. You may think that this might be late but I really don't care. Having achieved what I have right now is no better reason for me to trade it with what I think might be a cooler path of life. There are a lot of things in my life right now that deserve more attention than seemingly fleeting feelings.

Rainy days might have caused this feeling and I simply hate it. I know the world is waiting for me to share my self but please give me time.

By the way, I was waiting for the song Somewhere Only We Know by Kean in the film (The Lake House) but I didn't hear it. Was it really part of the movie soundtrack? Guess I need to watch it again. In case you haven't heard of it, here:

Eulogy sa Iyong Shitteous na Buhay My Friend

Dahil nangako ako sa iyo Benj, last na talaga to. Hindi ko lang mapigilan ang sarili ko matapos akong tawagin na pabigat sa mga magulang ko (which my parents never told me) ng isang pseudo-friend.

Yup I am closing my hangups sa isang low-life creature with this entry. Enough is enough. You have done a lot of damage into my beautiful canvass called my life and partly, responsible ako dun. So here I am closing this "little" part with this eulogy to your shitteous life that I have viewed yours as dead long before you reached puberty.

Thank you for you have showed me how great my life is. Sa lahat na lang ng oras na nagkikita tayo, laging ang mga daing mo sa paghihirap sa pag-aaral ang bumubungad saming mga tenga. Nakakasawa. Nakakainis. Manonood na lang ko ng mga balita kesa makinig sa yo.

Thank you for making me realize that I have stood with the simplicity of life not complicating it with frustrations rooted on your ancestors. Mahirap nga kalagayan namin as nurses but I am just so thankful na nurse ako at hindi miserable katulad mo. I know this shit na nangyayari samen e lilipas din. E yung iyo? Friend, wala ka pa sa tunay na kalbaryo niyo.

Thank you dahil sa kayabangan mo, nadidistinguish namin ang dapat na pag-uugali ng isang tao. Sabi nga ulit sa text ni benj, kung gano man kascrewed up ang buhay mo, hindi ka pa rin useless dahil pwede kang gawing bad example. At iyon ang isa sa nagiging papel mo sa amin.

Thank you dahil sa mga delusions of grandeur mo, alam namin na normal kami at grounded pa rin kahit papano. Minsan sana, gawin mong kapani-paniwala ang mga sinasabi mo kahit konti lang.

Thank you dahil sa pagiging user-friendly mo, natuto kami sa mga pinapagawa mo habang ikaw ay walang hirap na nag-eenjoy sa buhay mo free from your responsibilities. Tyong matuto ka naman maging multi-tasker, independent at resourceful. Pinagkakalat mong magaling ka e simpleng paggawa lang ng diagram sa MS Word hindi mo magawa. Tsk Tsk Tsk

Thank you dahil sa pagiging selfish mo, mas nag-eenjoy kami kapag wala ka o paalis ka na sa outing ng tropa. Promise, ang saya namin!

O siya, nakakarami ka na sa space kahit hindi dapat. Hay tapos na ang kabanata sa buhay ko na pinapangit ng isang nilalang na hindi ko alam kung bakit ko pa nakilala.

Paalam sa yo! (Yes!!!!)

Cheapo

I'm cheap.

Hindi naman kami ganon kayaman. Tama lang and nakakaranas din kami ng mga crisis sa pera. Pinalaki kami nang hindi sumosobra kung ano ang kaya namin. Maaga pa e pinamukha na sa amin na hindi namin kayang bilhin ang lahat ng gusto namin. To this, I must say na naging mabuti ang mga magulang namin.

Nakapag-DLSU ako at lahat kaming magkakapatid e nakapaguniversity naman. Dahil sa paghihirap ng dad ko at pagbubudget ng mom ko, lahat ng priorities ay napagtutuunan naman ng pansin.

Enough of my cheapo history. Heto, nanalo na naman ako sa Jam 88.3! Haha talagang naghanda ako for this day. And I won this:


Hindi ako agad nagdinner para lang matiyempuhan yung cue na kailangan ko nang magtext. Medyo nahirapan din ako na magisip ng icocomment ko sa album ni Maria Mena kasi siyempre, kailangan pa-impress pero hindi dapat masyadong halata hehe. Dapat din pala na may pagkaheartfelt yung comment mo para mas natural kaya ang sabi ko, "Maria Mena sings like your bestfriend. From the soothing voice to the honest lyrics that never fail to touch your heart, she is truly a rare gem like a friend." Mejo corny no? Pero okay lang, panalo naman e.

Paborito ko kasi yung kanta niya na Never Mind Me. Pwede kong ulit-ulitin ng sampung beses tong kanta niya dahil sobrang nagagandahan ako sa lyrics at melody. Apparently, affected ako sa bawat kanta niya kaya nagtiyaga talaga akong hintayin yung segment ni Lana para lang malaman kung ano gagawin para makuha yung CD niya. Try niyo:


Sa bahay, wala pa sa sampu ang mga original cds. Kung hindi pinaburn e pirated ang mga yun. Mahal kasi yung original kaya sa pagkapanalo ko nito, dagdag na sa mga orig ang cd nato. Last Friday, nakuha ko na yung gift certificate at comic book na napalunan ko din sa Jam. Haha nakakatuwa naman.

So ayun. Cheapo talaga ako. Kumakain ako kahit san tsaka mahilig din ako sa ukay. Ang phone ko? Nung third year college pa ko. Mahilig din ako sa 3-in-1 na kape, kumain ng complete na burger sa hepa lane sa morayta at kumain ng fish balls dun. Hindi rin kami nakacable. Kaya nagtitiyaga na lang ako sa mga pirated na dvd para mapanood ung mga palabas sa US na gusto kong panoorin. Hindi rin kami nagpapacarwash. Kami-kami lang naglilinis ng sasakyan namin.

Nangangarap din naman ako na mamuhay ng mas masagana pa dito pero, tska na. Marami pa kong dapat na pagdaanan at paggastusan na mas importante. Wala pakong karapatan na mamuhay marangya kasi wala pa naman akong nararating. Pero heto ang malinaw, I won't work forever as a nurse. I'll put up a business and come up with a better plan than my dad. Nakikita ko kasi na dad is working really realy hard when in fact, you can do otherwise but still have all your needs answered.

Sa ngayon, masaya naman ang maging cheapo. Cheapo sa ilang bagay dahil kapag sa mas mahahalagang bagay, hindi kami nagtitipid. Nakakakuha naman ako ng mga bagay na gusto ko sa mas murang paraan, minsan, libre pa nga.

Nga pala, salamat ulit JAM 88.3 at sayo Lana!

Nakakainis

kasi aalis na si Pao papuntang TT, as in Trinidad and Tobago and God knows kung kelan mabubuo ulit ang tropa;

kasi uuwi na si May papuntang Isabela at matatagalan ulit bago siya makita;

kasi isa palang ang nagtatrabaho samin bilang tunay na nars;

kasi namimiss ko na ang tropa ko mula nung second year college hanggang ngayon kahit magkasama palang kami kanina;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga pinagsamahan namin nung college at yung ngayon;

kasi nakakamiss ang mga baon na pagkain ni Pat;

kasi nakakamiss ang pangungulit ni Chic;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga mata ni Isabel na may bahid ng kalokohan at kabutihan;

kasi nakakamiss yung natatanging boses ni May;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga kuwento ni Donna at ang kanyang tawa;

kasi nakakamiss yung ka-sweeetan nina Ann at Xtian;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga kanta ni Pao pati na rin ang kanyang pagsayaw;

kasi nakakamiss yung pang-aapi namin kay Isabel na laging game at hindi napipikon;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga libreng Mcflurry at Coke Float ni Pao;

kasi nakakamiss yung pagvivideoke lalo na sa Platinum pagkatapos ng Community;

kasi nakakamiss yung pag-inom habang todo-bigay sa pagkanta sa Platinum;

kasi nakakamiss yung pagpasa ng microphone para makakanta lahat sa videoke;

kasi nakakamiss yung asaran sa kung sino ang may pinakamataas na videoke grade;

kasi nakakamiss yung pag-alala kay Sir Caranguian ng Lit sa kanyang pagtuturo at pagpapatawa;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga nabokya kami sa exams sa Primary Health Care;

kasi nakakamiss yung paggawa ng Nursing Care Plans na minsan e palpak na simula sa assessment;

kasi nakakamiss yung mga antics ni MJ, the Super Boy at ang kanyang pambihirang costume;

kasi nakakamiss yung paggaya ni Pao kay Golem at ang pagsasaksakan nina Ann at Xtian para sa demo sa speech;

kasi nakakamiss yung paglibot ng Cornbits na blue sa buong klase habang hindi mapigilang magpunas ng ilong sa pag-eepistaxis sa mga tinuturo ni Sir Physics (?) sa kanyang klase sa SB 304;

kasi nakakamiss yung pag-oovernight kina Gretch para lang makagawa ng mga charts at table para sa CDX;

kasi nakakamiss yung pagpasok sa mga klase na wala pang tulog gawa ng paggawa ng CDX;

kasi nakakamiss yung nagkagrade kami ng 65 dahil hindi pa tapos ung spot map namin;

kasi nakakamiss yung paglibot sa buong Brgy. Parada ng Sta. Maria, Bulacan para magsurvey;

kasi nakakamiss magRLE;

kasi nakakamiss magPhysics kahit 20/100 ang grade namin lagi sa quizzes;

kasi nakakamiss pumasok sa FEU;

at higit sa lahat, nakakamiss yung pagsasamahang walang katulad (parang SMB lang) na tunay na humihigit sa pagsasamahan ng magkakapatid.





Mga KATROPA, mahal ko kayo at naiinis ako dahil hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na lumuha sa magkahalong tuwa at pangungulila sa inyo.

Alam ko, magkikita-kita pa ulit tayo. Baka sa US nga lang o sa planeta ni May. Haha

God's Sense of Humor

I was whining few days ago about how hopeless my situation as a nurse or a college graduate; but here now, I am perplexed of which way to go.

Today, I was not thinking about being choice-less with my life as I have resolved to myself that it will come. My patience has somehow turned into a see-saw pattern that sometimes, I lose it but other times, it overshadows my anxiety.

I have talked to a friend who is waiting for her student visa in Australia. She'll go to a university and study again taking up a business course (FYI: She just passed the Nurses' Licensure Examination last December 2007). I asked her about the process of applying for the visa and she promised that she will mail the details to me once she gets her visa. Now, it seems that my parents are willing to spend a lot of money so I can go to Australia and start my career there. It seems logical for them that with this choice, I am able to bring my family there in no time. Besides, they are really in love with the country as both have been there for quite some time. For me, this is a tempting choice.

Another option for me is to take the NCLEX examination. The American Dream is still alluring for a lot of Filipinos just like me but the things is, the environment and the situation of the US has been unhealthy for a lot of people. With me, I can take the exam but I am just not sure if I am really that prepared. I have been reading books and listening to mp3 lectures as I also answer practice questions. Results of the practice questions are pretty decent and deep inside of me; I feel that I can make it with proper concentration. So tomorrow, I am in search for review centers. The only problem that I see here is that it may conflict with another option that I have- the employment in Egypt.

For five months now, I have been waiting for my working visa to be issued and until now, it has not been granted. Another batch of nurses are to be deployed this August 5 and the office assured us that we will surely be deployed ( by late August according to them) as well since they will be interviewing another batches of nurses for work. So there, three of us are left behind here in the Philippines. Question is when will this visa be released? I may waste a lot of time again by waiting for it and yet, I am hesitant to engage in another endeavor.

Time and again, my fear for making decisions has constantly played a part in me. I am about to make a decision for which it will surely change my life. Honestly, I am afraid of making a mistake or to say the least, making a decision. I know I must face this or I'll perish (figuratively and literally).

God certainly has a sense of humor. From being choice-less to perplexed with what to choose.

Thank God!

Nagkausap na kami ng parents ko. Somehow, lumiwanag ang isip ko. Ang ganda lang ng pakiramdam kasi alam mo, hindi ka nila minamadali. Walang pressure. They fully support you because they also understand my situation.

Nagmessage nako sa Friendster niya mismo. I just hope he answers. Nanghihinayang din ako sa pinagsamahan namin.

Benj, Banjo, Lein and Poan, thank you so much for listening to me. You are truly precious in my life. Salamat talaga. Kaluguran da kayu.ú

I know God will not forsake me. Just lead me Lord to whatever plans You have. Use me to whatever purpose You desire for me.

Eight Days to Go!

People, pwede niyo bang sabihin saken kung gano kahirap magreply sa email when in every other two days or so, nakakapaglog ka sa friendster?

I just find it odd dahil after all ng pinagsamahan sa pag-aayos ng papers, ganon na lang ba? Dahil nauna ka saken dun e kakalimutan mo na ko? Siguro karma to gawa ng pagsabi ko sa kanya dati na huwag na siyang magreply sa isang kakilala na naging prof ko naman sa school. Pano ba naman tong si prof, inaaway tong kasama ko e di siyempre mas logical na huwag nang pansinin si prof. Pero ba't ganun? Wala naman akong naalalang ginawang masama sa kanya para di siya sumagot saken.

Nagcocomment naman ako sa Friendster niya pero di pa rin siya sumasagot saken. Hay. I guess people are being people- insensitive at downright blunt. Well, ako to. Malay natin busy siya pero pwede rin sa kanya kung tama nga na nakalimutan na niya ako. Anyway, I am keeping my faith till August. I still have eight days to go to decide kung ipu-pursue ko pa ang Egypt. I'm sorry God if lumilitaw na binibigyan kita ng deadline. Kaso kasi, I feel na ang dami kong nasasayang na time.

Sexy!

Share ko lang tong text message na pinadala saken ni cams.

Kung magkakasexy movie ka, anong title ang gusto mo? Pili na!

1. Ang Kati ng Higad Mo

2. Napagod ang Bunganga sa Laki ng Tilapia

3. Ulo Pa Lang, Ulam Na

4. Gising na si Adan

5. Pasalat ng Peklat

6. Bubudburan Ko ng Niyog ang Mainit mong Pichi-pichi

7. Lawayan Mo Baka Mausog

8. Kapag Gumabi, Bumubuka ang Kabibe

9. Wag Mong Kamayin, Baka Mapanis

10. Nang Binuklat ang Aklat ni Isabel

11. Damang-dama Ko ang Galit Mo

12. Nang Tumapon ang Nata ni Cocoy

13. Langitngit ng Papag

Haha. Enjoy!

Umaaraw Umuulan!

Ang sarap ulitin ng kantang to.

Sige matutulog na muna ako. Kahit papano, bumuti na rin yung nararamdaman ko. Sana bukas iba naman ang maging kinalabasan. Goodnight! Heto yung kanta, Umaaraw Umuulan ng Rivermaya. Bye!

My Prayer

God,

I know that I don't have to question You on what You want for my life for eveything is under Your control. You are my Father and with that knowledge, there is no reason for me to doubt Your capabilities. But God, my imperfection and frailty as a human are taking their toll on me.

Forgive me Father for I know I should be more trusting and faithful to You. With You by my side, all is perfect in Your plans and timing. Again, forgive me Father.

As my Lord and Savior, I know that You never fail to bless us. Thank You for You have continually blessed our family with abundance that is immeasurable in human terms. Thank You for keeping us safe and healthy. Thank You for giving us the chance to feel Your majesty with all of Your creations.

Thank You Lord for You are so patient with me. I have failed You so many times. I keep on stumbling with my faith but Your embrace and voice just keeps me alive. Thank You Lord that even though I am not feeling well right now, You are there to be with me, to take my pain and comfort me. You know that I have been restless and anxious the past few days and somehow, I always fail to keep my promise to never doubt You. But then, thank You still for I know You never fail. Thank You for Your plans are better than my plans and Your time is always perfect. Thank You for You never grant the immaturity of my wishes. Thank You for You always know what is best for me and my family.

Lord, I just pray that You continue to bless my family, relatives and friends safety, peace and good health. I know that much of what we pray for You are based on how we view life and so help us to view life as You would want us to.

Give me strength Father, for I am about to give up and break down. Mold me O Lord and make me. I sincerely ask for Your guidance and total control of my life. I pray that I may never lose hope and sight in Your plans for me.

I pray O Lord to continue Your lordship on me. Thank You O Lord. I pray all of these to my one and only Savior and friend, Jesus. Amen

Oo ALam Ko!

Hay ba't ganon ang buhay?!

Five months na at ganon pa rin- naghihintay! Hanggang kelan nga ba ko maghihintay? Tsaka, pano ba malalaman kapag kailangan mo nang igive-up ang isang bagay na hindi na darating?

Pano ba masasabi na kailangan nang magmove-on? Sa totoo lang, ang hirap kapag wala kang masagot sa mga tanong na to. This week kasi, nagtext ako sa office kung may nasisilip ba silang pag-asa na aalis pa ko papunta ng Ehipto. At sa awa ng Diyos, wala pa raw silang natatanggap na email na paalisin nako.

Limang buwan. Yes! Tumataginting na limang buwan na ang lumipas nang maisipan kong subukan ang aking kapalaran sa ibang bansa. Ngunit sa mga di inaasahang pagkakataon, napag-iwanan ako kasama ng dalawa pa. Ang lupit di ba? Sana nakaisang buwan nako dun o kaya dalawa pa kung naisama ako sa unang batch. Minsan nga napapraning ako kung dahil ba wala akong experience o kung dahil ba ina-assign ako sa icu kahit walang experience kung kaya't hindi pa nirerelease ang visa ko.

Sa pagkakaalam ko naman, may mga fresh grads na kagaya ko ang nauna na saken kaso sa ward nga lang sila naka-assign. Yup, engrande ang area ko at ewan ko kung tama ba to. Madalas, kinakabahan ako. Kinakabahan kung ano mangyayari saken dun. Aaminin ko, hindi pa ako nakakalabas sa isla ng Luzon! Ibig sabihin, hindi pa rin ako nakakasakay ng eroplano o kaya barko na nagbibiyahe (nakasakay na kasi ako sa MV Doulos). Kaya excited din na kinakabahan.

Kagabi, nagkausap kami ng nanay ko. Nagupdate ako sa kanya na 'yun nga, wala pang balita kung aalis ako. Tinanong niya ko kung ano na balak ko- kung magNNCLEX o ituloy yung trabaho sa abroad. Sabi ko, maghihintay ako hanggang August para sa Egypt. Kung wala, magNNCLEX ako. Pinaka-emphasize ko na I want all options to be explored. With that, bumalik sa usapan ang pagpunta sa Australia. Dati, nagbabalak ang parents ko na pa-aralin ako dun ng three months then I'll be able to work as a nurse dun. So nagIELTS ako which I passed para sa qualifications sa Australia and nag-ayos ng mga requirements. Kapapasa ko pa lang nito at ang tatay ko e nasa Melbourne pa nun so it seemed okay na tumuloy dun. Ang problema at ang pinakamasakit na katotohanan e ang bulok na sistema ng ating gobyerno ang pumigil sa akin sa planong yon. Pano ba naman, 6 months pa ang hihintayin ko bago makuha ang board certificate! (FYI: ang board certificate ay yung document na parang diploma na galing sa PRC)

Naiintindihan ko na sadyang marami ang bilang naming mga nurses na pumasa at sa ginhawa ng tadhana, ang aking napakagandang apelyido e nagsisimula sa letrang 'S.' Kumusta naman, aabutin ng siyam siyam ang paghihintay dahil kailangang mauna pa sa akin ang mga nilalang na may apelyidong nagsisimula sa letrang 'A' hanggang 'R.' Siguro ito ang gusto ng aking kapalaran dahil sa mga ganitong panahon e natapos na ang kontrata ng aking mahal na ama at kinailangan na niyang umuwi dito sa Pinas. Nangangahulugan lamang na wala na akong pang-aral sa land down under. In short, change of plans na naman. So NCLEX, ikaw naman ang haharapin ko.

Maximum of six months ang hihintayin. Ito ay para lamang sa eligibility. Bukod dun, gagastos ka na ng mga sampung libo sa pagprocess ng mga papers na ipapadala. Habang naghihintay, review na ang aatupagin ko. At dahil sa mapagbirong tadhana, hindi pa rin makakita ng trabaho si ama kung kaya't naisipan kong mag-apply na sa mga hospitals sa Manila at Pampanga para naman e hindi na ako maging pabigat sa bahay. Ayun, apply lang ng apply hanggang nagsawa kami ni Sheng sa kaka-apply. Putik, wala man lang tumatawag samen! Haha nakakatawa dahil kung sino man ang nagsabi na naghihintay ang trabaho para sa amin ni Sheng na may parehong karangalan nung nakatapos ng kolehiyo ay mali sila.

Fast forward sa year 2008 (kasi mga bandang August 2007 lahat nagstart ang pag-aapply sa Ausralia). Wala pa ring tumatawag! This time din, nakaka-ilang buwan na rin ung mga pinadala naming documents para sa NCLEX. Siyet, ang hirap na ng sitwayon ng mga nurses dito sa Pinas! (Alam niyo na kung bakit based sa previous posts ko.) So being the resourceful that I am, naghanap ako sa Manila Bulletin ng mga job openings. Minsan, si dad din ang naghahanap for me until nga na masumpungan ang sa Egypt. Pasok ako sa requirements kaya yun, nagpasa ako. After a month, tinawagan ako for interview sa March 28 at naranasan ko ang unang job interview na parang hindi. Kasi, ung Egyptian na nag-interview, sinammurize lang yung laman ng contract. At bilang si desperado at hayok sa magandang pagkakataon, pumirma ako agad. In a week, nakapagfile ako ng mga documents na kailangan.

After a month, okay na lahat incuding the medical exam. After a month, isa pang month, isa pang month, isa pang month at isa pang month. Ganun na, wala nang nagbago. Naghihintay pa rin ako. Next week, umaasa ako na may magtext sa akin na narelease na ang visa ko. Pano naman, matatapos na ang July! Ang huling sabi kasi sakin, baka daw by end of July since kami nalang ang napag-iwanan and wala nang iba pa. Kaya daw kailangan na raw nilang mag-interview pa.

Whew. Matagal naba? Sobra na ba? Oo alam ko matagal na. Alam ko rin na kung di ko tinuloy to, baka nagtatraining nako sa Medical City o St Luke's. Alam ko rin na sana USRN na ako ngayon since maayos naman na yung mga requirements ko. Alam ko rin na sana nakapagtrabaho muna ako. Alam ko rin na martyr ako sa paghihintay. Alam ko rin na patient ako after all those years na nagdevelop ang mga muscles ko sa thigh at calf gawa ng mahahabang pila sa FEU at PRC. Alam ko na may pagkadumb na itong decision ko.

Sa lahat ng ito, alam ko kasi na naghintay nako nang ganito katagal at marami na akong pinalagpas na pagkakataon kaya ngayon pa ba ako susuko at bibigay?

Raincoats are for Rainy Days

How often do you watch news and after seeing it, you feel great? Well not often right?

This is somehow the reason why I don't watch news. Much more, watch the soap operas that plague the Philippine TV. I thought it would be more beneficial for me to just lock myself in my own room and read books. Actually, this has been my act for the past few days.

The Philippines is the only Christian country in Asia. True. Is this an advantage? Somehow, it is not if you are going to look at some aspects. Aspects that would show how it curtails certain progress or change.

It is not God who actually restrains changes. It is with people who somehow chose to narrow their minds. The people who have closed their minds to certain possibilities that could result in good.

Christianity should be an advantage for us right? A lot of developed countries are Christian. Catholicism, Protestantism and other religions all play part in the success of a nation.

So what about Christianity and news? It is because of the growing rift between the Catholic Church and the Legislative arm of our government rooted in the passing of the Reproductive Health Bill.

The Catholic Church is in total protest of the passing of the bill because one of the elements of the Bill is Family Planning. With it, the Bill will advocate the use of artificial means of contraception (Examples are condom, pills, etc.) in which the Catholic Church totally dismisses.

According to them, they would still prefer faithfulness and abstinence as top methods. Natural means of contraception would come next.

Excuse me but being a nurse, I know for a fact that the natural means of contraception is not highly effective. It is prone to a lot of errors and inconsistencies for since the body is also inconsistent.

And excuse me again, faithfulness and abstinence? Are you serious? Even Catholic priest are not keen on following these as evidenced by priests having children and worse, family. Recent scandals in Ireland and the U.S. would also point to priests committing homosexual activities in which the Pope himself had asked for apology to the public.

Here, they are trying to preach something of which some of their members cannot even follow. Do they actually believe people can be faithful to their partners or even to their vows of celibacy at all times?

What about threatening these politicians and urging public not to vote them in the next elections? Or the refusal of giving communion to these politicians? Whatever happened to the separation of the state and the church!

Are those not examples of abuse of power? I ask myself, did Jesus abused His authority? Please enlighten me.

If you will read the bill, it is actually comprehensive. I believe it is good and very timely. The bill is not just about artificial means of contraception. It has a lot of good things to offer when implemented properly. It encompasses the whole concept of reproductive health like maternal and child health, adolescent and youth health as well as men's reproductive health. Not to miss is responsible parenthood which I think should be a concern since time immemorial.

You can read the bill here: http://dirp3.pids.gov.ph/population/documents/HB4110.pdf

Rainy days are here again. Meaning cold days are here to stay. Meaning a lot of things can happen.

Raincoats are definitely in!

Green to Green Part III

Extremes. One on the upper level and the other on the lower side. Well, this is just the perception of people who really don't know the people from the two schools.

Coño versus jologs. Sosyal versus pasosyal. Maarte versus barubal. Overrated versus underrated.

These would be the view of many people. It just depends from which spectrum you are looking at.

I say this is purely B.S. To say the least, it is untrue, unfair and hurtful. These words are coming from an Archer turned Tams.

This is how I feel- HURT!

Somehow, this perception has crept into the consciousness of many people.
That the other should be given proper respect while the other left violated.
That the other should never kiss the ground while the other should never look up to the sky.

Let me ask you now, what sets the difference? Or the standard that you should believe and assimilate aforementioned thoughts? Is it the money? The reputation? The image?

Take for example the UAAP referee who got suspended indefinitely for not officiating fairly the game between DLSU and FEU.

Consequently, FEU lost the game. Uninspired and unmotivated with all the crap the referee had given them, they just lost it.

This I say is the real picture of the typical Filipino nowadays. Abused and harmed by a system that only few benefit.

Let me ask you now. Is it because the other one is rich and the other not-so? Or was the referee paid (this is just my theory)?

Is this how trivial the Filipino mind has become? Is this how the character of the average Filipino has become?

Think deeply. Ask with a goal in mind. Break the bondage of stereotypes and lift the cause of those neglected and unrecognized forces that somehow constitute the world as well.

The world is not just green and blue.

Green to Green Part II

Leaving DLSU was one of the most difficult things that I had to do in my entire life. Liberating but depressing. It was like my dreams are now shattered but stood in a new chance for rebirth.

My exodus was made difficult by DLSU and other factors. I had to go on several tests of my character as a person. Delayed grades. Failed subjects. Difficulty in finding the right school that I would like and the school that would accept me. Difficulty with family finances.

By May 2003 and after unsuccessfully finding schools that would accept me, I got to meet former high school classmates. They were studying at FEU then. With their recommendation of FEU, I tried.

I got in. I never experienced hassles. From then on, I never looked back.

Today, I am a registered nurse (but still jobless) and graduated in college with honors. I got new friends whom I know will stay true to me till the end of time. I got memories from here that I will forever cherish. I got to taste life as it is. No sugar-coating and embellishment. No hang-ups and no VIP treatment.

Raw. Realistic. First-hand. Grounded. This has been my life now. Actually, I could not ask for more.

Nevertheless, the "what-ifs" continue to pinch me once in a while.

Now here's the thing. I love these two schools. They compose me. They made me what I am now.

It's just that the image and the reputation of the schools tarnish how the world should be.

Green to Green Part I

I was an Archer. Yes, was is the right term because technically, I was there for only a year.

DLSU was my dream school. After passing the entrance examinations of all schools I applied for, it was no question that I'll go to DLSU. UP, UST and Mapua did not have that inviting prowess that DLSU had at that time. This always gives me conflicting thoughts if it was really a wrong decision or not. I'll talk about this in another post.

It has been five years since I left DLSU. I am a Tamarraw now. Still green though adorned with gold. This has become my color.

Let me talk now about these schools since an incident spurred my interest on writing this piece.

By March of 2002, I was ecstatic that I am going to college. College boy they would call me since they thought I was the most prepared to go to college. I can choose the school I like without having problems. Yeah right.

Come May, I was the earliest one to experience college life. As many would know, DLSU has three terms in one school year.

It made me excited but nervous. Scared. Unsure. Will I fit in? Back in high school, I did okay. I had friends and I can say that I was not a misfit.

Here I went to DLSU and my world started to change.

For one part, the system was great. From the Faculty, facilities, the educational system itself, the ambiance and the feeling were somehow surreal but good for me. Learning was never this exciting I thought.

On the other side, I kinda disliked some people. Those who live up to the name as "coño" and were unafraid of showing to the whole world that they indeed were such.

My classmates were somehow spurious. I mean some of them were not genuine as classmates or friends.

But I found real ones. Deep inside of me, I say that they were more than enough to have than befriend or meet other people at that time.

With my course, I felt tricked. I was not ready that it would be that hard.

And so I had to leave.

Hangganan

Nagbabadya
ang isang rebolusyon
sa
pamamagitan ng
pagbabago.


Yumayakap sa mga
balikat ng tagumpay
ang
mukha ng
pagkapagal.


Humahalik habang
sinasamyo ang
isang
hangin ng
pag-asa.

What's In a Name?

Would you ever want to wake up and go to school even if you know you'll be bullied? Or let's say just doing your own thing but you know, people will laugh at you?

You know that the reason is within you. It defines you. Basically, it's you. Yes, it's you-your name.

Take this for example. There is a great volleyball player in Russia who goes by the name of Semen Poltavsky.



Yes! Believe me. It is really his name! Mind you, he is such a great volleyball player that no words can describe how he hits the ball.

He serves and spikes the ball like there's no tomorrow. Watch this:



Nevertheless, my team for the Gold medal in the coming Beijing Olympics is still BRAZIL.

With his abilities, his name doesn't really matter if it is that horrible. I am just wondering what his parents were thinking when he was born.

Makes me thank my parents for my name.

No Place for Defeatists

I hate weaklings! Particularly, I hate those who wasted great opportunities in their lives.

While watching Pinoy Dream Academy, I could not believe how people throw the opportunity that will never come again in their lives.

Is it because you miss your family? You can't stand the pressure? Guilty of leaving your loved ones?

You should have thought about those before you decided to join. A lot of deserving people are waiting for this chance. Many would do anything just to be in your position.

It sucks because you are so selfish. You could have given the chance to other people.

We don't need people who are weak inside. Stand up for you are all grown up. Be strong for nobody said that life will be easy.
**********************************************************************

Randomness Part II

**********************************************************************

People are now texting me if I was the Charltoninho who wrote a letter to Ms. Susan Ople of the Manila Bulletin about jobless nurses.

Well, it was me. Somehow, I was afraid. Afraid that I might not represent my fellow nurses rightly.

All was changed when my friends told me that it was good. Some told me that it deserved a front page.

A lot of people also sent their sentiments in support of my letter to Ms. Susan.

Wow. This is great, I think. I just hope that it will reach the people who should really respond to this situation.

**********************************************************************

I miss my college friends.

My A23 friends, BSN 722 friends and from the other sections.

I wish that all of us be successful.

**********************************************************************

I won again. Yes, I won again at a radio contest.

I got myself one thousand worth of gift certificate from Gloria Jean's. That's a lot!

It was from Jam 88.3. Now, I have won myself the Marty Casey CD, id band and poster, a magazine and now the gift certificate.

The last two prizes have yet to be claimed.

I am waiting for Sunday to see if I won the 1000 worth of Globe prepaid card.

Veteran is what I have become out of these contests that I have joined.

I just wish that I get to win Lifehouse concert tickets.

**********************************************************************

Two weeks to go and I will yet to witness what will happen to my application for work abroad.

Five months is damn long. I could have achieved a great amount of improvement on my knowledge and skills in nursing.

By the time I'll get the visa and leave for Egypt, I promise myself to never waste time in improving myself and learning all the things that I could.

**********************************************************************

Letter To Myself

Dear Charltoninho,

For the past months, you have been trying to figure out what's going on with your life. Tired. Down. Weary. I say, take heart! You are doing just fine.

With so many issues confronting you as a person, take time to sift what should be thrown to waste. You know for a fact that you are a wonderful person. You don't have to let other people control you.

Destroy whatever limiting beliefs that you have. Fear, rejection, disappointment, failure and lack of abilities. You know that you are gifted. You are just afraid of not making it to the measurement of other people. You are what you are.

Forget about them. Those people who think differently about you. They do not complete your world. You live for yourself, for those who you love and for God.

You have so many questions and sometimes, you are unsuccessful of finding even a single answer. It is nice to know that not everything needs to be answered. Some are left undiscovered. Some are answered in due time. Yes, in due time. Perhaps, God's perfect time.

You may still have to wait a little longer than expected for your dreams and plans to be established. Be patient. Know that you will surpass all of these trials.

Again, take heart and be patient. Never stop improving yourself and caring for what and who truly matter to you.

Always,

You

Randomness

**********************************************************************

It is so hard to be left behind. What's worse? Being forgotten.

Before he left, my supposed-to-be mentor and older brother promised me to reach out and give me updates about my application.

Well, promises are indeed made to be broken. What is so hard in replying to my emails if you can update your Friendster account?

**********************************************************************

The Monster Mom is now an Angel Mom.

Due to the screaming fact that we did no wrong, she had a change of heart.

She was the one who reached out to me as I have confined myself to my room and not talk to her.

Who am I to refuse the reconciliation? She is after all my mother.

**********************************************************************

Some of my friends have read about my letter published in the Panorama.

My only wish is that I have represented my fellow nurses rightly before the reading public.

And that it will not end in just being a letter.

**********************************************************************

I am just so puzzled why my sister and I could not find jobs that would somehow augment our family's finances and be somehow independent and personally fulfilled.

We have toiled so much in our college years while sacrificing selfish desires.

Now what? I hope that tomorrow will be different for us.

**********************************************************************

Going National!

I made a letter a few weeks ago to Ms. Susan Ople of the Manila Bulletin. I shared the experiences of many newly-registered nurses (including me) here in our country.

Of us not having work as, of course, nurses.
Of us having to experience the grim reality that "palakasan" really exists.
Of us not being given attention by the government.
Of us ending up in different jobs like being employed as call center agents and med. reps.
Of us feeling unproductive.
Of us being depressed about our situation.



We used to have Manila Bulletin every Sunday but since my dad has gotten a job already, we decided to switch to the Philippine Star for entertainment purposes. It is because the bulk of Bulletin's issue every Sunday is about classified ads.

I thought Ms. Susan would not publish it in her column in the Panorama since she featured it already in her blog and so I dismissed the idea of having to wait for my letter to be featured in the Panorama of Manila Bulletin. But she did publish it.

Caught unaware of this event, my classmate and friend Shiela sent me a text message asking me if I was the one featured in Ms. Susan’s column. I said enthusiastically that it was really me.

Immediately, I sent a text message to my friend Weng asking him to secure me a copy of the Sunday issue since we had the Star at home. Luckily, he got one.

When Ms. Susan asked me if I wanted to share my letter, I said yes without batting an eyelash. I though that this would be a great opportunity to voice out our situation as nurses. So to all of you who were not able to have a copy, I am now sharing my letter to you (well, to some select friends like Mayora who regularly visits my blog):

“Hi Miss Susan! I am Charltoninho or Charlton for short. I am so overwhelmed that you actually gave time to visit my blog. I would like to apologize for not asking you for permission to link your blog at my own blog.

Every Sunday, I get to read Our Times in Philippine Panorama and I am an avid fan of yours. You have a very unique way of reaching out to your readers with your writings. With a broad range of topics, I always go to the last section of the Panorama just to read Our Times and you never fail to deliver. With the past issues, I think it would be also nice to share my own experiences about work.

I graduated in April of 2007 from one of the prestigious universities in Manila and past the licensure examination for nurses in June in that same year as well. I got good grades in college and got an award for performing well. My board rating is also decent. After a year of having accomplished those, I still got no job. I have applied at different hospitals hoping that with my good credentials, I can easily find one. However, I could not find one.

I am not alone in this situation. Most of my classmates and batch mates cannot find one as well. If there are some who got jobs, they either have a relative or family friend who works in a specific hospital. Most of the hospitals have frozen their hiring and would not accept newly registered nurses or even those who have graduated from the previous year.

What is left for us to do are the following:
a.) Apply as nurse volunteers. Here, some hospitals would provide allowance for the daily expenses of the nurse but most would not. It may be a good option but the time that you spent with the hospital is not really recognized when you are looking for a "real" job. All your hard work is not properly compensated.

b.) Apply as nurse trainees. This I think is a better one. You will really be exposed to the different areas of the hospital and get real experience. The problem? You have to pay a large sum of money! In addition, you also get to experience again the sad reality that you don't have connections for you to be easily accepted there. I know certain government hospitals who tolerate this system. They would only offer 20 slots for training and when you get accepted, you'll discover that there are 40 of you in the program with the other 20 not having to go the same procedure for application! That's absurd and unfair. They would also require applicants several trainings that cost a lot of money before being accepted in their program.

c.) Apply as call center agents, med. representatives, teach English to Koreans, etc. With many of us needing to start earning, a lot of nurses apply for jobs that are not related to our degree.

d.) Take the NCLEX, IELTS, etc. With the goal of working abroad, these examinations are required for you to be able to accomplish that. However, along these examinations as requirements is the need for you to have at least 2-3 years of hospital experience, which is somehow impossible now.

For months, I have been feeling down for not making any progress in my career. Well I guess this is the reality here in our country. It is just so ironic that some legislators would want us to stay here for some time to render service but do they really know the situation?

What makes it more frustrating is the fact that the "palakasan system" is still at play in our society. I am not bragging about my accomplishments but, am I really not better than those batch mates of mine whom I personally knew as happy-go-lucky students before? Or maybe, I am just unfortunate.

With the boom of nursing, not many of us have realized that there are a lot nurses being produced but there are fewer jobs available. I hope the government will realize this and the parents of would-be-college students.

Miss Susan, I have recently applied to a staff nurse position in another country. I am waiting for the working visa to be released. I'll update you if there has been any change in my status. Thank you so much for the time. It really means a lot to me.

God bless.ú”

Dilang Anghel

Ateneo won against UE. My prediction was right. Sorry Bro, but I got you again with this one. It's okay. I believe your team will win against DLSU.

For some time, I always made some predictions that came true. My brother is usually the victim like when he was moved to another section in his senior year. Like when LA Lakers, Miami Heat and San Antonio Spurs all beaten up in the NBA Finals in three different years. Like when DLSU won over UE last UAAP season.

My group mates in college were somehow also afraid if I made predictions particularly about their relationships with their boyfriends. Julie and her boyfriend during our second year in college had a "cool-off." Hazel also broke up with her boyfriend back in our senior year. But the worst break-up prediction was the one I made with Kirsty.





I think she and her boyfriend have been together for three years back then. I actually made a prediction that within six months, she will break up with him and if it will come true, she had to treat me for lunch. Very confident that they won't, she agreed. Many times, I reminded her of this deal only pissing her off in the end. Little did I know that their relationship was on the rocks.

Until I learned that they finally broke up. This happened in less than two months since I made the prediction. I felt bad and somehow felt a participation in their sad ending because as Kirsty would tell me, she would tell her boyfriend about my prediction. As if verifying from him that it won't happen.

Acknowledging her defeat, she approached me with tears in her eyes and asked me where I would like to have the treat. I declined. It felt heavy for me, for this event to come.

Sometimes, I make predictions just to piss my brother off. However, I feel bad for him when they come true.

Well, I wish that I had predicted a lot of things in my life. I wish that I knew that certain events would happen so that I was able to avoid them.

Perhaps they were all coincidences when I had those predictions that actually came true.

The Saga Continues!

The onslaught did not stop even as we got home. But before that, there was a moment of silence. Deafening. Awkward.

After collecting some confidence from her attacking prowess while we sat quiet and timid for our dinner, the fireballs started to blaze on us.



Yeah, we are spendthrift. This is according to Monster Mom since my sister would sometimes whine about lack of money and my youngest brother would perpetuate this as he would go on about with his baking classes.

Spendthrift? My sister did not buy anything today except for the goods that my mom asked her to buy. My brother? He just waited for my sister in the mall. Well, he bought some meat balls but that's it.

How about the very frugal mom? Well she just bought last Tuesday a new gym bag from Nike. Again, N-I-K-E!

Wanderers? As mentioned in the previous post, this is just my first voluntary trip outside home. How about my brothers? Their routine in Manila involves dorm-school-dorm. My sister on the other hand goes out everyday due to work.

The mother of all kindness? She goes to the mall to workout in the gym at least four times a week. This week, she only missed two days on her weekly regimen.

For some time, I have been saying to myself that the text message that I got few years back really hold some truth. I am sure that many have gotten the text message that we children first learned irony with our parents. Damn! I never knew that this could put so much affect me this day.

Whatever happened to leadership by example? Is this a class about irony? All my life, we have been very obedient to our parents. We never did drugs, never got married so early and until now, never smoke, never drunk booze (sometimes I do but that is just so seldom), never flunked in school, etc.

You may say that these actions are expected on us. But what about what is expected from her? Am I being selfish on this point or am I being too critical on her actions?

I really don't know. Help needed here as the saga continues.

Monster Mom Strikes Again!

Under normal circumstances, I would just stay home. I have become lazy going to the malls so I prefer to just sit around in our house. This week, I went out of our house three times- 1.) I served as a body guard while my mom withdrew some money from the bank; 2.) I helped her pay some dues in a nearby town and; 3.) I went to Manila to deliver some supplies to my twin brothers. That's just it.

Today, my sister had asked me if I will go to the mall and I said I'll think about it. After some careful thought, I finally decided to go to the mall knowing that my mom is already at home from the gym. So I bid goodbye to my wonderful and caring mom and she said okay after I left her some instructions on how to use the computer and open yahoo messenger since dad would be online later that day.

Arriving at the mall, I went to the bookstore and after 30 minutes or so; I proceeded to meet my brothers. My sister came shortly after. While going to the baggage counter, our aunt from UK called and so we talked to her. Suddenly, my sister's phone rang and it was Monster Mom! I sensed danger as I was the one tasked to answer her call.

Monster Mom: "Asan na kayo? Hindi pa kayo uuwi? Sinabi ko na sayo na huwag ka nang umalis pero tumuloy ka pa rin!" (Where are you? Are you not going home yet? I have told you not to leave but you still left!")

Me: "Huwag kang magalit. Ano ba problema mo?" (Don't be so angry. What seems to be the problem?)

(You have to note here that I answered her in my most calm way that I can ever answer her. This is a rare event.)

Monster Mom: "Panong hindi magagalit e ayaw gumana ng computer! Hindi mo naman talaga pinakita saken kung pano iooperate!" (How can I not be angry if the computer just won't work! You never really showed how to operate it!)

Me: "What do you mean na hindi gumagana?" (What do you mean it does not work?)

I was trying to elicit for information when I noticed that she hang up. A few minutes later, she called again. This happened three times. She not only said thunderous words but hurtful remarks to all four of us.

At that moment, I decided to leave and go home early just to let my sister and twin brothers enjoy the day. Preparing to leave, Monster Mom called again with Jonah on her side. I calmly gave instructions to Jonah but the Monster just kept on bickering by the side.

This is futile I said. Jonah then told me that she got it already. They just turned off the computer.

Since our supposed-to-be enjoyable day was spoiled, we decided to leave as soon as possible just to avoid the fire balls that would come out of Monster Mom's mouth. While in the jeepney, all four of us are trying to psyche ourselves to somehow turn on an internal music player so we can just go home without being burned by her words.

This is our life. Nothing unusual. We just have to be prepared always for the next attack of Monster Mom.

My Birthday Calculator

28 September 1985
Your date of conception was on or about 5 January 1985 which was a Saturday.

You were born on a Saturday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 6.

Your fortune cookie reads:
All your hard work will soon pay off.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446336.5.
The golden number for 1985 is 10.
The epact number for 1985 is 8.
The year 1985 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/20/1985 and ending 2/8/1986.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Ox.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Raven; your plant is Ivy.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Choiach, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 13 Tishri 5746.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 14 Tishri 5746.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.12.6.12 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 12 tun 6 uinal 12 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Saturday, 13 Muharram 1406 (1406-1-13).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 7 April 1985.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 14 April 1985.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 20 February 1985.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 26 May 1985.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 2 June 1985.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Monday, 16 September 1985.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Saturday, 6 April 1985.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 19 February 1985.

As of 7/11/2008 1:41:13 PM EDT
You are 22 years old.
You are 274 months old.
You are 1,189 weeks old.
You are 8,322 days old.
You are 199,741 hours old.
You are 11,984,501 minutes old.
You are 719,070,073 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Skye Bartusiak (1992) Hilary Duff (1987) Gwyneth Paltrow (1972)
Naomi Watts (1968) Mira Sorvino (1967) Moon Unit Zappa (1967)
Janeane Garofalo (1964) Brigitte Bardot (1934) Arnold Stang (1925)
Marcello Mastroianni (1924) Al Capp (1909) Ed Sullivan (1901)

Top songs of 1985
Say You, Say Me by Lionel Richie We Are The World by USA for Africa
Careless Whisper by Wham! Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon
Money for Nothing by Dire Straits Shout by Tears for Fears
Broken Wings by Mr. Mister I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner
The Power of Love by Huey Lewis & the News Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.25714285714286 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Aries.
Your opposition number(s) is 9.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 79 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 23 candles.

Those 23 candles produce 23 BTUs,
or 5,796 calories of heat (that's only 5.7960 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.63 US ounces of water with that many candles.


In 1985 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1985 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1985 in the US there were 2,425,000 marriages (10.2%) and 1,187,000 divorces (5%)
In 1985 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1985 the population of Australia was approximately 15,900,566.
In 1985 there were approximately 247,348 births in Australia.
In 1985 in Australia there were approximately 115,493 marriages and 39,830 divorces.
In 1985 in Australia there were approximately 118,808 deaths.


Your birthstone is Sapphire

The Mystical properties of Sapphire

Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Sapphire is used for clear thinking.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Agate, Moonstone, Lapis Lazuli

Your birth tree is

Hazelnut Tree, the Extraordinary
Charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgement.



There are 167 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 180 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing gibbous.

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